Just want to Shout out

[Guest_1055]

I am just so tired, and I don't think I can try anymore. All I want to do is curl up tight and cry and cry. I am sick of this, and I even feel cross, as I said that. I can't do this, I just can't. And I don't think I want to anymore. I am not asking for any advice really and I am aware of the phone numbers and such., etc. But I just want to shout and shout out loud and say that I am plain sick of this. I am tired of struggling to get to where ever it is that I am going. I don't think I am making any sense either. So since I am unable to shout out in real life at the moment. I hope it is okay with whoever who reads this that I am virtually going to shout out now. I also feel like punching out, because it is just too much. It's too much.

I HATE THIS, JUST HATE IT. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND FAILING. I JUST WANT TO GO.

[Wilma1]

Shell, thanks for the wagon story. I liked that. You sound a little brighter... I hope I've got that right. Yes two fruit trees in the holes sometime. I have a daphnie bush planted now, and my passionfruit vine is growing. I'll drop you off some fresh fruit when they arrive.

Anyway Shell, just letting you know I'm thinking of you. Wishful

[Guest_1055]

Well I was feeling like some brightness was seeping in. But now I am crying on the bed. Taurus you were right.... I do feel hurt and pain so deeply it is like a pointed thing in my very heart. A physical pain. Please if anyone has the answer to this , will you tell me? If someone of the male gender says to you You are attacking me, and all you are doing is saying how you feel. What do they mean. I have attempted to ask what they meant, but no my question does not get answered by them. Instead they will say something back that doesn't make any sense to me. There words just hurt me. I can tell they don't understand what I have said. So if anyone else gets this, please explain.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Hopeful ( wishful), ah thank you so much for the offer of some fruit. Love fruit. And yeah you did get it right I was feeling a little brighter. I have been crying just now, but I will be alright. I had some thoughts in regards to you about anger. I know those thoughts are in my brain somewhere, when they become clearer again I shall let you know.

Hi Chae,

I am hearing you and I care about you. My brain is a mess and muddled as I am extremely emotional. But if you are feeling fed up or whatever please feel free to shout out here. I know you said something about starting over, running no was it hiding . I cannot go back and check on the other page as it seems to not work good on this device I am currently on. I will read your post again when my brain is clearer. But I am glad you popped in here. It is nice to see you.

Hi Star.... thankyou, gosh cannot remember if I already said that. Okay I need to go to bed.

Please excuse all this if it appears muddled, that is because I am. But all will be well one day...

[velvetfaerie]

Hey Shelley Anne

My brain and your brain should have a theoretical cuppa tea. I'm a muddled emotional mess too. I understand.

I read your other post. I understand this too re the male gender. I guess we process things in a different way being female. I've been actively educating myself about the psychology between the genders. Absolutely fascinating if you ask me!

One thing I learnt which I giggled at with my now recent ex..... "women are like tornados when in an emotional state.... men see the tornado and hide!! You can't reason with a Tornado... you go to ground and hide!!"

Aka - going to the man cave until the storm passes.

I pop in here a lot. I learn a lot reading posts on BB. Helps me to feel amongst kindred spirits also. I hope in kind I can help others too.

🙂

My shout out - I want my emotions to chill!!!! Enough with the mood swings already!!!

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

I haven't noticed you around as much for the last few days, just the odd post here and there.

Are you managing ok?

Your last post here about saying how you feel and a male responding in an unhelpful or puzzling way got me thinking.

I don't know if the following fits your situation, but I do know it is a cause for misunderstandings. Males - me included - seem to have a built-in feeling that they ought to fix things or put them right. I don't know why but - at least for me - it is quite a strong feeling. Talking to other male friends reveals much the same for most of them.

This can mean of course that if anyone says something is not right:-

As an example think if someone said "The rain is coming in and I'm getting wet" then a male might think that they should have fixed the roof, and the statement about getting wet was a reproach for them not having done so. This can happen even if the male did not know the roof needed fixing - strange but true.

Get the idea?

How that male then responds depends partly on their character - some might say "I'll go and fix it", some say "Sorry", some might even say "Don't keep on about it" and so on. Of course not all males have this - probably misguided - sense of responsibility, but many do.

Ok, so there you have an insight into something about male minds 🙂

On another matter entirely velvetfaerie, when my lady does the 'tornado' thing my policy is to grin at her. After her getting even more annoyed things then tend to end amicably. After two marriages spanning 45+ years I still don't have a man cave - I really must get one sometime, then I can invite my lady there 🙂

Croix

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou Chae and Croix,

I am okay Croix. Sometimes when I feel like I am spending too much time on BB, I back of a bit. The reason for this is I can become addicted too technology very easily. And before I realise I could be spending 3 or 4 hours on it, thus neglecting say household chores and other things or other people. Also I need to be mindful of reading too many sad stories as my heart feels sad for others. And also one more reasons...well my brain gets muddled sometimes and I cannot comprehend what others are saying nor give any responses.

I think what you are saying about the man fixing the roof is that he thinks he is getting blamed for the fact she is getting wet. I did have a talk about the question I asked a few posts back with my sister. And my understanding of her words were... some men want to feel like winners, especially in front of their wives. So perhaps in your scenario about the female getting wet, well maybe he feels like a failure or something. Or that perhaps he thought that is what she was saying, when she wasn't meaning that at all. I don't know Mr Croix??

Thankyou for your input, I appreciate your fatherly advice there.

Hi Chae,

Hope you are okay there?? I have heard about men going into there caves somewhere before. I cannot remember exactly what it was.. but something like women often need to talk about there emotional problems to help them feel better. Like just expressing how they feel to someone else. They may not be looking for advice. Where as some men need to be alone for a bit to feel better. I don't know if I have all that right though.

I do hope you are feeling a bit calmer in your emotions.

Shell xx

[Kazzl]

Hiya lovely lady. I'm not around as much as I used to be because of work and study, but I wanted to pop in and give you a hug. You are such a beautiful presence on the forum, and I will never forget the warmth and care you showed me in our early days here. Your compassion has been very influential for me - never underestimate the gift you have hun. You might not always see it, but we do.

Love ya Shell.

Kaz

xx

[velvetfaerie]

Hello Croix,

Your words made me smile. I like it. The gender differences are always amusing to me because I own my femininity!!! Lol.... my tornado .... 🙂

I envisioned a grinning walrus and I was ever so amused... you are awesome...

Find a man cave... you all need and deserve one to shelter in from bad weather events 🙂

Hey Shell

Hope you are well? You are right in my humble opinion... some men like to white knight situations and blame themselves when it goes to pot the poor loves. Self esteem/gender conditioning issues I think.

I understand the brain muddle! Sometimes I try and read simple logical things and brain says - "nope not today .... " Happens a lot to me actually... I wonder why this happens to people....?

I'm ok. Getting there. Today I'm going to be selfish... no gym... no chores.. I'm going shopping for clothes !!!! Because I can. I need something fun.

I hope anything I have Said isn't offensive to our male friends .. I find gender psychology stuff fascinating.

***hugs and a cuppa tea***

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

Yes, I think you have got the right idea except in my case - can't speak for anyone else - it's not wanting to appear a 'winner', 'white knight' or anything like that in front of anyone else. Maybe it's because I'm from an older generation and I think it is built in - an internal thing - to be responsible and a fixer.

Built-in in the same way as needing to respond to a baby's cry (for either sex). Just instinct.

Apart from that I guess you have it right, it could seem to be a criticism, or just a sense of failure leading to the male reacting on that basis, rather than just accepting.

All a bit deep for a walrus:)

Velvetfaerie: I really don't think I need one. My lady would not enjoy a 'tempest' half so much without someone in range:)

We do have a safety net though. When we married we agreed to never say anything that was excessively hurtful or could not be taken back, even when very cross. Seems to have worked for 20+ years.

We both learned in our first marriages (our previous partners both passed away). Almost like having time to do things again - a golden chance not everyone has.

Croix

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Kaz,

I read your words to me on the weekend, and tears just fell and fell. Happy ones though. I am so happy that I made some difference to your life.

I was aware that you were studying.... was it Mental Health? I believe you will be good at that. However I wasn't aware that you are working.

It was kind of you to pop in here. And thanks heaps for the hug, I really like them. Here is one for you Kaz, hope you feel it.

love Shellxx

PS ....I absolutely love the way you call people including myself Hun or possum. It has a friendly, motherly, and a homey feel.

xx