It was all my fault

buster11 · ‎15-08-2017

Hi again - I'm not asking for sympathy nor understanding, a chat perhaps. I met an amazing lady about 2yrs ago and she took me in and cared for me amazingly. I was still seeing a lady that I'd spent time with previously but didn't and don't love at all, it was just companionship. I did the worse thing ever and slept with her again. Absolutely no idea why and I have regretted every second since. My partner who I just love beyond belief found out and we have been trying to work things out. The only thing is she has a really hard time dealing with it at times. For the past 2yrs it will be mentioned or more questions and it turns into a nightmare for me. I have done everything I can to write this horrible wrong but cant seem to get the chance to move on. About 3 weeks ago it came up again and out of frustration I've started harming myself because its something that keeps hitting in the face and just wont go away. I deserve everything I'm getting and dealing with but need it to go away (not forgotten) so we can both hopefully enjoy everything in front of us.

startingnew · ‎25-09-2017

hi Buster

why are you feeling vulnerable

whats happening?

and im coping as best i can esp since i have surgury tomorrow

buster11 · ‎26-09-2017

Just feeling that way as I'm just waiting for it all to blow up again.

I hope your surgery goes as good as it can go. I hope everything is okay

startingnew · ‎26-09-2017

im sorry to hear that, its understandable though. has something happened to make you feel like this?

buster11 · ‎27-09-2017

Unfortunalty it all hit the fan last night. Again thrown up and absolutely cruel. I deserve it all but surely I also have the chance to be okay again too?

How are things with you?

buster11 · ‎04-10-2017

How are you female SN? I hope things went well last week.

startingnew · ‎04-10-2017

hi Buster

sorry ive been having a really hard time lately and hasnt ended yet, ive been 'hiding' on my own thread for a bit

i had the first surgury and it was cancerous. i have a second surgury tomorrow to hopefully get the rest and then hopefully no more after that

how have you been?

buster11 · ‎05-10-2017

My concerns seem very minor to yours and others. I hope you can get some better results next time. Take care of yourself Female SN X

startingnew · ‎06-10-2017

Hi Buster

please dont ever think your any less or your issues/concerns are any less than anyone elses. please keep chatting here, im sure someone will respond if you put a right up.

im sorry i havent been around much, my second surgury was bigger than the frist one and was in hospital for the day. i can say now though that i am cancer free and now recovering. the sutures come out in another week and then after that i can get back to normal living

how have you been?

buster11 · ‎09-10-2017

EXCELLENT news for you - perfect!!! Hopefully now onwards and upwards SN.

I've been okay thankyou. Work help lots, but sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions. But going okay thanks

startingnew · ‎09-10-2017

sometimes its just about going through the motions for abit until things change, settle and/or find other things to do. im glad work has been helping you though. thats a positive.

how has everything else been going?