It was all my fault

[buster11]

Hi again - I'm not asking for sympathy nor understanding, a chat perhaps. I met an amazing lady about 2yrs ago and she took me in and cared for me amazingly. I was still seeing a lady that I'd spent time with previously but didn't and don't love at all, it was just companionship. I did the worse thing ever and slept with her again. Absolutely no idea why and I have regretted every second since. My partner who I just love beyond belief found out and we have been trying to work things out. The only thing is she has a really hard time dealing with it at times. For the past 2yrs it will be mentioned or more questions and it turns into a nightmare for me. I have done everything I can to write this horrible wrong but cant seem to get the chance to move on. About 3 weeks ago it came up again and out of frustration I've started harming myself because its something that keeps hitting in the face and just wont go away. I deserve everything I'm getting and dealing with but need it to go away (not forgotten) so we can both hopefully enjoy everything in front of us.

[buster11]

Hi SN - we had a great night - nice to see everyone together. How have you been?

[startingnew]

thats really great. im glad you had a great night.

what have you been getting up to

ive been up and down and round and round but i guess thats anxiety and depression for ya

[buster11]

You need to keep finding the good SN. Your results in your studies are a perfect example, and when you finish you will have achieved massively.

[startingnew]

ive taken up another course now Buster and im also doing some charity work as well. im really new to it but i really love to help others so shyness and worries aside 🙂

how have you been?

[buster11]

Hi female SN haha

Great that you are making some moves to help with certain things - Volunteering can be very rewarding and a change to get out and about and meet others

I'm going okay thank you. In saying that I HATE HATE the feeling of living like I'm walking on eggshells. I was contacted today and offered another job. If I was offered the job 18mths ago I would have jumped at it. Now it would be a step backwards

[startingnew]

Haha you get a kick out of that each time you say it dont you lol


this carity is more of a solo thing as I just take them to the drop off point before they get distributed.
I am abit resitriscted though ebcause ive already got so much going on including 2 jobs and study and appointments and actually ahving time to sit down rich is already a rare thing.


Yes I know that feeling all too well. Its my constant state of being. Ive always got my eggshell walking shoes on and its quite frustrating and unknowing of what to expect.


Well then it sounds like its not a good idea to take that job,
are you currently working?

[buster11]

Big kick 🙂 Female SN

You sound so so busy - just remember time for just you is important too.

Yes I'm working at the moment. Busy jib but I enjoy it. The other job wold be very rewarding but just not enough money and further to go

[startingnew]

haha then say it as much as you like 🙂

yeah i know its hard to even find time to sit down really in between 2 jobs, appointments, family commitments, charity work and study. im trying to take a few days off around my birthday though so i can just enjoy being well... alive...

im glad your enjoying your work, its pretty crappy when you dont enjoy it and its a struggle to get there. it sounds like its not a good time to take the other job as long as youve got a job then you cant really go backwards from here

[buster11]

Happy Birthday Female SN. Whenever it is 🙂 Have a great great time and enjoy whatever comes your way

[startingnew]

Lol its still a whole month away yet