It's over. Feel like giving up.

[Guest_223]

Hi, in the short time I've been on this forum, This is the last time I will be posting on here, I'm at the point where I feel like reaching out does nothing for me. I've done nothing but reach out over the last 18 months which is the most I've ever done in my life. To be honest rather than be helpful to me it has created more traumatising events in my life and I feel I need to avoid society. I'm never contacting a helpline again, not talking to the local mental health team, I'm going to full on avoid society, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself, no matter what they are or how serious they are, and even when I don't feel safe like at the moment I won't be making the mistake of telling anyone of any plans or terrible thoughts.

[james1]

Hey missmara

Sorry we haven't forgotten you. I am absolutely not exhausted by you but you do sound extremely worn out.

It's important that you take control of your mental health care team. I didn't want my community team assigned to me after hospital to keep calling and so my psychologist helped me stop that. If she hadn't, I would've just left both because I just didn't feel safe having the two.

Your health is the most important thing here, so if you don't want to have that community team and only the private psychologist, then you need to express that clearly.

Do you know why he wants you to see someone from the community team?

James

[Croix]

Dear MissMara~

Yes the thread has been quiet, and that will make you wonder if it is 'exhausted', that's only natural.

Put simply you are wrong in that assumption, though I would not blame you for feeling frustrated.

I'm pleased you have managed the private route with a psychiatrist. I don't know the exact details of the disaster in the public system several months ago, but it certainly did you no good at all from your strong reaction.

Is the Community Mental Health Team part of that problem? If so can you explain that to your new psych and see if he will consider some alternative?

I think I've mentioned my psych (private) has been an asset over a long time, and when you said you were going that way I've been hopeful for you.

I would think you have the strength to sort this problem out.

Please say how you go

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi missmara,

I know I am exhausted! My husband is away so I am living it up! No not really, friends are taking advantage of the fact I am home alone and I am catching up with lots of people.

It can be frustrating knowing what is the right path to follow. I had hoped my psychologist would have an appointment for me close to Mother's Day as I don't cope at all well then. I had explained my need and in the end she cancelled that appointment until the end of the month.

No worries. Friends stepped in and I had a lovely weekend for Mother's Day. I shared me feelings and hurts with friends, had a great laugh and wonderful time together as well.

Hope you manage to get things sorted and also find ways to make your every day more comfortable for yourself and your mind.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[Guest_223]

I just meant that the thread is getting old. For when I'm in crisis the psychiatrist wants me to have someone who's available And that I can see during the week because he only comes to town fortnightly. But I don't want to see the community mental health team it's too much for me I do not trust them. I just don't know how many times I have to ask not to see them anymore. I don't know what to do.

[Croix]

Dear MissMara~

I'd like to repeat a question from early on, what activities give you a moment's peace, take you out of yourself, even give you amusement?

When I was hospitalized, which was not the bad experience as some have had, I was introduced to a series of books by a psych nurse. They made things bearable though escape, even though my concentration was not good.

This is not an advert for hospitalization, it's just a thought as to how to lighten your burden for a little while. Everyone needs the weight lifting as much as possible.

Croix

[Guest_223]

Sometimes I listen to music, there not much else I have found that works.

[Croix]

Dear MissMara~

Thank you for coming back and saying that, it's pity I've taken so long to reply - CBMC I'm afraid.

I guess there needs to be something. I find that breaks are absolutely essential. As I mentioned even when I was in hospital reading provided an escape, much needed, even though the whole 'psych ward experience' was supposed to be a break anyway.

You are not alone in finding something in music. It's funny but before I started in this Forum I had quite fixed musical tastes, since then I've been introduced to tons of material that I would never have stumbled across otherwise, Tom Waits - "God's Away On Business" being an example.

Could you say what has appealed to you in the past?

Thanks

Croix

[Guest_223]

It's getting to the point where everything is going to explode again. Right in front of my eyes. I don't feel like I can stop it. It's my fault I have kept all the bad thoughts about hurting myself to myself once again. I can't handle life once again.

[james1]

Hey missmara,

I'm sorry to hear things are getting worse again.

It is not your fault that this happens - it is our natural instinct to try and protect ourselves and, when we don't trust the people around us, we naturally keep things to ourselves.

Do you want to tell us what you have been thinking and feeling? There is no need to talk in detail - just whatever you feel comfortable with.

For me, I've been feeling quite emotionally tired recently, but it has been worse before. I have some friends who are kind and understanding, which is nice.

Jmes

[Guest_223]

I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I can't handle the huge stresses that are going on. I just keep hurting myself to get by. My suicdal thoughts are so strong and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried everything that I can to get through this and now I'm really just exhausted with everything in life.