It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[RunGirl]

by the way I went to the GP today for his take on the ultrasounds....he says I have fat in my liver but no changes to the architecture - i.e. cancer or cirrhosis. He's very straight forward and I believe him when he says I can set my mind at ease. Still have to wait for the bloodwork and the specialist's take on it, but I think this doc is very experienced.

[RunGirl]

Wellies, Croix. Wellies. Knee high.

xxRG

[RunGirl]

So...christmas was a hard, hard time. I tried to view it as a new beginning but that didn't work too well....the climate change coming from Europe, the tradition change, the heartbreak I could not help but feel for my ex, which yes he played on in emails about trying to find someone -anyone - to be with......ugh. Horrible time

RG

[geoff]

hello RunGirl, I'm sorry that Xmas was only ordinary for you, same with me but have almost 12 months until it comes again.

I just picked up what you said about too many panadol for pain relief, as my doctor said to me when I had shingles that if I take too many then it's going to affect my liver and to cut down, that's easy if you don't have any pain, but what I've noticed is that we tend to wait for the next dosage, but as soon as we take them then we feel happy, but as time goes on we are only wanting our next dose. Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

Ta for the tip about the wellies, though I'm not sure how they would go on a walrus:)

Seriously though you were saying Christmas was not that good and had thought it might be a new beginning.

Actually I think it is for everyone except your ex who does not sound as if he has changed at all. Your medical reports are hopeful, you have someone to love and be loved by - plus canvases and brushes.

I don't think you are quite the same person who first posted here around 4 months ago - she was pretty tied to her ex, even half believing his criticisms of you. Now you sound as if you have reduced that tie to something much more reasonable.

Croix

[RunGirl]

Geoff is your dog part whippet? My new pup is and I'm intrigued by this new "learning process" of dog features!!!! Whippets are a new breed to me.

Thanks for your response by the way. I admit I've always popped panadol like candy....headache, neck pain, menstrual pain... I know better now.

[RunGirl]

well how does a Walrus get soggy shoes then???? 😉 Seriously, you're right. It's the fact that HE hasn't let go and messaged me all the holiday period that was draining.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

well how does a Walrus get soggy shoes then????

By not wearing 'pumps'?

Actually I'm a little surprised you are receiving texts from your ex, at one stage your partner was dealing with those matters, which sounded, at least from here, as a pretty good arrangement.

Being soft-hearted in these circumstances does exact a price, and you are paying it in terms of constant recollections of past horrible events and being prodded towards responsibilities you should no longer fulfill.

Maybe he will always continue in this vein, relying upon you rather than those in his own life, until dissuaded.

Croix

[RunGirl]

To your first comment: FACEPALM!!!!

To the serious side, Croix, he knows how to push my buttons and finds ways to contact me. He knows what will get a response from me. I know I'm being weak. I can't help it. His tag line is "Sorry to intrude, it's just that you are the only person who's ever known me this well and I have nobody else to turn to". Or he sends me a funny animal video which he knows will melt me, but with no text and I stupidly respond something like "that made me laugh" and then the responses come thick and fast and all emotional., I made this clear to him a few days ago and have had no contact since. And I felt I couldn't leave him alone at Christmas without knowing he had somewhere to be. Anyway I've said 3 months non-contact and then review. I reminded him that i'd said this before but he had ignored my boundaries. my parter is very protective and has plenty of fire in him and will scare the bejeezez out of him if I let him but I'd like to keep it cal

[Croix]

Dear RG~

I'm good at repeating myself when I've nothing else productive to say 😞

Not only is your soft-hearted approach not that good for you, it can't be doing any good for your ex either. This leaves to the side any effect it might have on your partner.

I'm sure you can see any response by you is encouragement, lets him know he can push your buttons. To feed that dependence can't be a good thing. He does need to find someone else - or rely upon himself.

I'm sure you can list the downsides of having him keep contacting as well as anyone.

Croix