It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[RunGirl]

Thanks Croix!!

[RunGirl]

Hi guys....So Anyway, Christmas is coming and over 41 years I think I've had 9 Christmases that didn't range from antsy, to depressing to anxiety-inducing to downright horrific....and those 9 were beautiful but the rest.....scarring. As in husband cheating a week before (2010), husband pegging bottle tops at me because I literally broke down physically after overwork and needed to sleep (after a full 72 hours awake) so couldn't decorate the tree on the 20th as he wanted and therefore "ruined his whole christmas(2012)....etc So I'm struggling a bit. Perhaps without writing every misery year by year, perhaps I could just ask you guys to buoy me up a bit. Also my first Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere again after ten years and it all feels a bit weird. Thanks for any replies.

RunGirl

[Croix]

Dear Rungirl~

Nice to her from you again, I would not worry about posting here rather than elsewhere, it will work out fine. I think anyone trying to help you thought the holiday period would want to read here about hte things you've faced anyway.

Christmases and anniversaries are troublesome times for an awful lot of people and many end up having a plan to keep them occupied, distracted and doing enjoyable things. You've mentioned in the past you partner is pretty good. Have you got together with him to work something out?

How do the two of you feel about doing something to get you out and busy, perhaps with a charity for the busiest days. Help is certainly needed and while I know you have physical limitations you might be able to work something out.

Actually talking about it here is a good start to any plan, and I'd expect the Forums / BB Social Zone / CHRISTMAS 2017/NEW YEARS Chillout Lounge will be pretty busy.

Let me know what you think

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I am glad you came back to your thread to post that, this is the exactly what the forums are for. I can see how Christmas would be such a tough time of year for you given what you have been through. I know you said you have only had 9 good ones then a focus maybe should be trying to make this one number 10. I try to look at each day as a chance to grow but why not put that into your situation and use this Christmas as a reason to not let the past bring you down and create a new memory with your new partner. Something that makes you look back in a couple of years and go that was such a great Christmas when I was dealing with so much at the time.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

Thanks guys. I think the Chillout lounge should be for chillin' out, not for anxiety and PTSD posts!!!!! My partner has a huge Italian family and has like six or seven invitations. usually he would join one of the gatherings but this year we've decided to have a Christmas at home...our little family, him, me and Indie, and a friend who has recently split with his wife and won't have his son til boxing day. I can't handle the traveling and squealing and oh my god he needed someone just like you blah blah which is sweet but I'm under pressure. He's been basically single for the best part of 25 years after a horrific heartbreak long ago....think worst case betrayal...and I think he's happy and actually quit excited to have his own little christmas with his OWN family of sorts. I'm going to try to focus on that and our friend who will be feeling a bit lost.

RG

[RunGirl]

I don't have a lot of disposable cash but I wanted to put something together for The Smith Family or similar. This has been a sort of obsession of mine since I was a child....to give when I am down, to someone who is further down. does that make any sense? Once in Prague when my ex wasn't working and I was paying the rent, groceries etc on minimum wage 14 hours a day, I gave my gloves to a metro station beggar, a refugee. Her hands were purple. I had enough money to buy another cheap pair. she didn't.

[geoff]

hello RunGirl, I've picked up your thread so excuse me if I'm incorrect, but what drew me to your post was the 'yellowing of the liver', if this was really bad then you would be jaundice, that was always my doctors were worried about when I was drinking when in depression, but no it didn't happen..
I remember my Mum used to work occasionally for The Smith Family, not that I can remember much of what she did. Geoff.

[RunGirl]

Geoff. thanks. More info would be welcomed. I drank HEAVILY for about 6 months (and I mean heavily....a bottle of whiskey a day....but this was in 2015 during the worst of my PTSD and relationship abuse. The doctor says my liver "tiredness" is something recent and I don't drink anywhere NEAR as much as that now. Thanks for chiming in Geoff. Come back.

RG

[geoff]

hi RG, thanks for coming back and a bottle of whiskey per day would not only be expensive but actually drunk quite quickly, especially if you scull it.
I could go through a cask a day when in depression, now I only drink socially, but the medication I take plus the grog has affected my gamma in the liver, but it's been like that for years, so when I have a blood test the doctor says 'anything is fine', with their tongue in their cheek. lol Geoff.

[RunGirl]

it's actually liberating to admit that. I've been really ashamed of it. To be honest I don't think I ever quite finished a whole bottle in one day but close enough. And I wasn't in Australia...whiskey was cheaper there. I don't touch spirits anymore and try to be careful with my wine. However, I had full bloodwork done in mid 2016 and my liver functions were normal. The doctor says this is a recent so I'm confused. He did mention panadol as a major liver enemy...didnt know that and I take heaps of the stuff because I get very bad pain from the change in weight distribution all over my body due to my damaged leg. Thanks for sharing Geoff.

RG