It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

We are going to be here as long as we are needed. We want oyu to feel you have a haven here where oyu can talk and say what is on oyur mind -no matter waht it is.

OK?

[Croix]

Oh dear - the internet grabbed my unfinished post, so you got is spelling mistakes and all 😞

I was going to go on and say the number of people that don't understand the huge negative power of constant criticism is truly amazing. If you hammer away like that you destroy the person's confidence and can make them very unhappy long-term. If you care for someone you don't do it - full stop.You say what's good, it's easy!

The reaction of your partner- and workmates - over the meal and cake is something to treasure, your pretty big victory.

Your life can be full of such moments, each a victory after an effort. I would think perhaps when you were actually making the cake or preparing the meal you might for a few moments have lost yourself in the tasks and your anxiety taken briefly a back seat.

Try to choose things for your small steps that have the possibility of holding your attention for a little while - it all helps

OK the internet can have this post now 🙂

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

Croix is right, we are going to be here as long as we are needed and happy to hang in there with you. Getting put down in any circumstance, home or work, like you did with the cooking is never ok and the lasting effects are just to drastic. I am so glad the meal turned out great and the cake even more so the fact you go compliments from the people at his work. Must of been awesome.

It is these little wins that we need when battling mental health, they help move us forward.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

I'm scared today. As a post-sepsis survivor I am well aware that around 70% or more die in the first five years after initial recovery due to a shattered immune system andlack of knowledge of how to quickly treat any infection as crucially important. right now I have bronchitis, a fungal infection on both breasts and a infected breast cyst. I have to work, I can't keep taking sick days. I'm starting year four of the five year danger zone but I'm scared. I don't want to fight death again. I want to live and be joyful.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

Well, I guess as someone who has been dealing with PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression for a long time I can say that when my symptoms were up my view of the world was very pessimistic - far more than it really warranted. Yes that's just me.

You survived, you are 4/5ths of the way though the danger period, which I believe lessens toward the end, so probably the worst is over. I also understand that figures include to major risk groups, the very young and the elderly. So I'm not trying to belittle your circumstances, just trying to put in a little encouragement.

I'm sure both Jay and I feel you are a capable person, that you have the sense to look after yourself in case of infection and to seek out the best help for your PTSD and related illnesses.

I have found a better life and I was as big a mess as you could imagine. If I can improve to that extent then I'm sure a life of happiness, security and accomplishment can be yours in time. As Jay says going for the little wins gets you there.

Having a loving supportive partner is a blessing - I have had two and know.

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I like what Croix said and that you are 4/5ths of the way there of getting out of the danger zone. Has you doctor been helping you with all of these concerns and trying to put your mind at ease? I can't imagine the stress you are under dealing with it everyday, I just hope you start having some brighter days and can find the reasons to smile again.

Keep posting back, we want to keep talking to help best we can.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

It's hard because right now I have infections in my breast, persistent bronchitis and have had and the flu twice in the last three months. My health is very fragile and my immune system running on empty. I catch EVERYTHING going around. I have to work and and I am constantly sick but I go anyway so as not to lose me job but I also have chronic fatigue from my underlying conditions. I'm struggling.

[RunGirl]

I've always been so strong, physically especially but mentally too (emotionally a bit messy) so it's hard to be so sick all the time. I just want to bust through it like a paper bag and get OUT, back to where I could do anything physically and mentally.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

I know what you mean. To have been physically fit and capable throughout life and to find that gradually taken away be illness is very hard to come to terms with. I have a degenerative spinal condition and my lifestyle is highly limited to what it was before. Everything from unused sporting clothes to shelved plans for activities are reminders of a more limited life.

Hopefully some of the things you talk about, such as the fungal infection, may be fixed in time, making life just that little bit easier.

Things do get better, and a lot of that is with depression going away, plus of course the love and support of a partner.

Croix

[RunGirl]

Thanks Croix.

It's just so hard when I spent my life being so independent and and strong xx