It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I understand everything you are saying and Croix hit the nail on the head. I can see through your posts how hard this is on you and how much you are struggling with it and that is ok, struggling is ok, I like to think it means you are fighting. Are you out of sick days with work? Any leave at all, I know you are used to be strong but needing time to yourself is also fine and it is ok to be selfish sometimes too. You owe it to yourself.

I hope you can overcome all of this.

My best,

Jay

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

Yes it is hard, no denying it. As a person with more than four decades on this earth you will know there are different sorts of strengths and independence. Let me quote someone quite familiar:

here's me, still fighting, with a wealth of life experience and joyous moments behind me.
(I could quote a lot more, you have survived and overcome all sorts of tribulations)

I have had the feeling all though this thread you are a strong person. Strength does not necessarily mean performing marvelous feats, it can be simply persevering in poor circumstances. Independence does not mean not needing others, being driven to places or whatever, it means basically knowing you are worthwhile and can give help as well as receive it.

Things are going to improve.

Croix

[RunGirl]

HI Croix

I feel for you with those unused sporting clothes. It's a tangible reminder of what we we go through in our different ways, As you have been for me, I am here for you. I will stay strong and try to love my body again. I took my dog for a walk today - my partner usually does it - and we didn't see any wallabies bit we did get to eat some wallaby poo (i politely declined but Indie was all for it).

[RunGirl]

Jay there's no ifs about it! I will before and I have before. All my life, not limited to mental struggles with depression, PTSD etc I have always called myself and thought of myself as "the Little Engine Who Could". "Think I can I think I can I think i can...." and no matter how steep the hill....in the end you get there. And it's a great view.

I think I can, i think I can I think I can...

[RunGirl]

sorry i meant to say I HAVE before.....

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

Ahh the power of positivity, I love it. Sometimes in these long drawn out battles we just need to remember we can overcome what is thrown our way and that we have before. You think you can.... I know you can.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

croix,

Your reference to the unused sporting clothes really helped me see a bit of who you are. Thank you for giving me an avenue into understanding who it is that is helping me. My loss is my immune system, which should hopefully in time improve but my lungs are permanently compromised. I feel for you with your condition and am glad you have a great partner

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

It's funny how a little detail brings someone to life in your mind. Actually one of the things about this place is that everyone is text on a screen, and as such can appear lest than complete people - which of course we are. It is important to be able to see thought the screen to the people.

Some of your activities may be limited by your respiratory problems, and you may have to take more care than most. They are however physical problems. In my own case my life was not just confined to the sporting activities, I had a great love of books too, and as one facet of my life decreased another took over.

Speaking for myself I'd sooner face physical problems any day. Mental illness sours the best of lives and is much harder to deal with.

I have a feeling in your case it is not really "I think I can", it's "I know I can".

I appreciated your saying you are there for me too, concern from others is a wonderful thing. In turn it lets me see you as a living breathing person, not just text.

Croix

[RunGirl]

Hi Croix

I havenever been a great sporting person - that was subdued early in life by my father who hated sports. But I do miss being able to run here and there, walk an hour with my dog etc. I am a writer. I am trying to restart a book which I have written 150 pages and know the whole storyline of - and abandoned because I was too busy and pre-occupied in Prague. I also have another book on the way targeted at young adults and a lot of poetry and short stories. I've had some success in rather large international competitions with these. I want to to do it. I just need the confidence and lack of depression. Nice to know you as a human being, Croix.

[RunGirl]

Hi Croix

Just for interest... I lived ten years in the Czech Republic where I taught English as a Second Language (ESL). One of my students was a highly regarded neurologist in his sixties who had taught himself English (beautifully) during the communist era by sneaking books from his German (English speaking) tutor. I am an English expert - it's my biggest talent - yet this man was able to introduce me to new works - early 20th century authors like Somerset Maugham and wonderful translated Czech novels. He enriched my knowledge so much as I did his in my own way. Books are wonderful.