It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[RunGirl]

Brad, don't you give up. the age you are at is a bad age for depression - I know. But you have too many good years ahead to waste them giving up now. Be strong, honey. You would be surprised by the people who love you - whether it be your mum and dad, a teacher who sees you on the inside, friends who need you even if they don't say it or...how about this ...YOURSELF!!!???. I have fought depression all my life but mostly won. when I was your age I really thought I was done for but you should see what I've done since then!!!! I've travelled, had relationships, made it through a terrible accident, met famous people (yep!!!) helped children in need and now live with the love of my life. I'm on this forum to make sure I stay ok. You do the same. Love yourself. Keep asking for help on this forum and elsewhere.

Promise me?

[RunGirl]

He's a clever little possum....I'm a writer and had lost a very important semi-finished novel on a computer that died. He's apparentlyhad it for years on his computer - I didn't know. After the call from my partner I got an email saying "just wanted you to know I found this..." and there's my novel. He had it all along.

[RunGirl]

Geoff, my problem is that with intense fatigue - which is from PTSD as well as Post Sepsis (a big factor) makes me feel like I am useless to my beautiful new man. He knew me in the past as vibrant and full of energy, and I have returned home only just able to cope with two days of work per week and then I sleep all weekend. I don't want to lose him but more than that I don't want to burden him. I want to do things with him and I can't wake up, I can't get moving, I just feel like i need to sleep. I know my body is badly compromised by the sepsis (it was an EXTREMELY acute case) but I just want my energy back. He says he understands but how long can a person understand for before they give up? I'm getting better it's just slow going.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

For real people that care looking after someone you love is an important part of everything. You even see an echo of it here on the Forum where we are all volunteers but try to help others, to help answers a need.

I'll mention what happened to me. When I was invalided out of my occupation with PTSD, anxiety and depression I was useless, withdrawn and difficult (an understatement). My wife had to care for me, run the household, look after our offspring and go to work (she was a nurse). This went on for a long time, me suicidal at times, and being hospitalized.

I improved, and reached a much better state. I asked her why she had been there in such hard times for so long. She said it was not really a conscious decision, it came naturally. I always felt guilty.

Many years later she became ill, I looked after her for 9 months in hospital until she passed away. I understood what she meant and was glad to have had the opportunity to look after her.

So in answer to your question how long can a person understand for before they give up? I guess the answer is as long as it takes.

I'm glad your ex produced that manuscript after letting you believe it gone. The reason I'm glad is because it might help you realize you never knew him.

You will get better, patience

Croix

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I think you are adding extra stress on yourself by wondering what your partner is thinking and if he will be understanding while you are recovering, I just wanted to add he sounds like a great person and I think he means it when he says he understands. You have been through a lot and slowly but surely you will get better.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

Croix, although I am so sorry you lost your wife, I am glad you had the opportunity to experience the natural love and care that she did with you when you needed care. Perhaps it eased your guilt.

RG

[RunGirl]

I'm up at 1.45....this can't go on. My partner is carrying the load, I just sleep and sleep and then wake up at bizarre times. I can literally fall asleep mid-conversation - we had guests tonight and I had to excuse myself at 9 because I couldn't keep my eyes open and now I'm wide awake. I went to a psychologist who thinks I am in a cycle of anxiety, fatigue, depression and PTSD and they are all just knocking each other on. Have had no contact with my ex since my BF got on the phone to him.

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I have felt that fatigue before especially when my anxiety is peaking. When I am constantly overthinking everything it just drains me so much to the point I want to fall asleep middle of the day. Has your psychologist given you any tips to help alleviate some of the tiredness?

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

Hi Jay,

No but I've only had the introductory meeting. I see him again next wee. My problem is that I've been a chronic insomniac since I was 4 (yes, 4) due to the stress in our household and then was molested at seven which gave me this THING that I forced myself to go over every night otherwise unknown bad things would happen. I guess I was a prime candidate for PTSD but I'm proud that it took a horrific accident to finally kick it off. makes me feel stronger somehow.

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I am so sorry to hear about what happened when you were a child, that is just unimaginable and cannot being to understand how that experience would of made you feel but the fact you said you feel stronger somehow is a great thing too. Keeping up with the psychologist will be great and hopefully they are able to alleviate the fatigue and give you some peace so you can start getting some good night's sleep. It really does make a difference to our moods and I know if I lack sleep my anxiety picks up big time.

My best,

Jay