It's coming back

[RunGirl]

Hi....this is my first post. I've always fought the black dog. Recently I beat a plethora hurdles and bad situations.....near death experience, two months in hospital, 7 surgeries, prescription pill addiction, isolation living overseas, increasingly abusive relationship, PTSD. I RAN, I resettled in Aus, i got work, I found myself in love again...I was happy and energetic. But It's coming back. I read somewhere when you don't want to get out of bed, you know you're getting bad again. I have a beautiful new partner. I'm just so tired all the time. I've put on weight which he likes but I can't forget the words of disgust from my ex when I wasn't stick thin. I need some perspective and support guys

[RunGirl]

It is indeed. I just don't want to burden him and I can't help feeling for my ex....he was the only one there when I nearly died from septic shock and After that when I spent two months in hospital he came every day (almost) with special nutritious food and comfort items. It was after the release that things got really out of hand and abusive but if I am to be honest the day I had my accident I was taking time out to consider leaving him. Nobody in my family came when I was dying. I had a 20 percent chance of living. it was just him alone. I feel I owe him somehow.

[Croix]

Dear RunGirl~

Yes, I can see how you are split two ways, and the fact he came to the hospital is indeed quite something, however you need to be well, you say yourself things are slipping. That's not fair to you, your partner or your future relationship.

Most of us have a sort of inbuilt feeling we are a never-ending resource that can keep on sacrificing and giving for ever. This applies in many walks of life as you would realize. I for example kept on with my occupation years after the time to seek help, and ended up in a very bad way as a result. Not only was I invalided out but my family bore the brunt of my incapacity and illness for a very long time.

I guess one of the hard things in life is to realize a balance is needed, looking after oneself vs looking after others. I can't say what's right, all I can say is what I would do, and my thoughts are of course influenced by mistakes I've made (and recognized) from my past.

I'd still get my partner to field the calls and see what happens.

There is something else of course, looking at your ex's behavior shows a person who does not have a balance either, relying excessively on someone to no good end. Frankly I think he is due for psychiatric treatment.

I'm sure it is difficult for you to read this as I'm suggesting a course of action that runs against your instincts and will make for a break between you and your ex. As I'm sure you know sometimes there is no easy answer and one has to balance priories on imperfect solutions. I would think, and I'm sure your partner would agree, that your long-term health has to come first, I'd hope you agree too.

Whether you agree or not I'd welcome it if you were to talk more

Croix

[RunGirl]

Hi Croix,

My partner made the call last night and left a message for my ex not to contact me again at all unless it's an emergency. He held his temper but was a bit abrupt and of course this has spiked my anxiety... I guess I feel out of control of everything somehow but I just want to get on with my life and enjoy the new life I've been brave enough to make by leaving my ex (and the country we lived in!!).

RunGirl

[BballJ]

Hi RunGirl,

I am glad to read you have an appointment this week and I do hope it goes well for you and it gives you some clarity.

You have been through so much and I can understand how you just want to live your life at this point, I think it is good your partner has taken over contact with your ex. I know you want to be there for him but he is apart of your past and you want to move forward with your life and limiting contact is sometimes what is needed in these instances. You sound very caring which is great but you need to make sure you are 100% healthy mentally and physically. Your happiness should come first.

My best,

Jay

[RunGirl]

thank you so much Jay. every affirmation helps at the moment.

[White_Rose]

Hello RG

I did not realise you had this thread running as well as the thread I have answered.

You have told us that your ex is a narcissist and will not leave you alone. You have described him as controlling and he is still controlling your life. When someone does nice things for us, such as visiting you in hospital, it's always hard to move away from that person. He has made you very unhappy and is still intervening in your life causing you more pain. People like this can be super charming and caring, making you think you are cared for. You know it's not true and his constant contact with you is still part of his method of control.

At this rate you will become so confused that your current relationship will crash. I understand that you feel you owe him something but it's all really a lie. These are the tactics of a person who will not let you go unless you take some action. Having your BF answer his calls may sound good but all it is doing is giving you a false sense of security and allowing him access to your BF. He now has the opportunity to speak about you to your BF and start poisoning his view of you. Put a stop to his interference by blocking his calls on your phone and email.

Saying he can contact you in an emergency is no good as everything will be an emergency. If he genuinely has an emergency situation there are other, more suitable options for him, including dialling 000. Every time he contacts you either directly or through your BF sets off your alarm system. It is the constant release of adrenaline that is making you tired and adding to your depression. Block his access to you and you will get better far more quickly. The guilt trip he has manufactured will calm down and you will get better.

You really do not owe him anything. By your own admission he has been abusive. Why do you think he has changed. My dear, please give him the flick and stop worrying. You owe him nothing.

Mary

[RunGirl]

Hi Mary,

You are right...I tried before to tell him only in emergencies.....so one of the cats not coming home was an emergency, then when I said "they're not our cats anymore, they are yours" then suddenly he was 99% sure he had lymphoma (Dr Google) and we had several emergencies, then having to fly for work was an emergency because he's afraid to fly, then just a bad day was an emergency. Ive blocked him from messenger and email, so he would have to make an international call to my mobile to contact me and I'd get my partner to answer it

[Brad_wignall]

Dear run girl...i feel for you and i hope you have a safe and happy rest of your life. unlike me, i am 15 and barely want to even wake up in life..i dont feel loved and i feel like everyone i know hates me..so you need to realise that you are loved by everyone you know so there is nothing to worry about

[Croix]

Dear Rungirl~

I'm very glad you were able to take that step and block your ex. It really will be the exactly what you - and your new relationship needs. Cutting ties is always hard, and under these circumstances particularly so but necessary.

Actually it is probably going to be the best thing for you ex too.

Croix

[RunGirl]

Sweetheart, when I was 15 I went through the same thing. But I'm 41 now and have fought the good fight. I have had so many good experiences and loving people in my life. I'm living with one of them now. Fight the good fight. It's worth it for the good times. They WILL happen. I was a mess at 15 - you should see my diaries - and here's me, still fighting, with a wealth of life experience and joyous moments behind me. See, I came on this forum because the bad feeling was coming back and I want to FIGHT IT OFF. Don't you dare give up and rob the world of a valuable soul