It doesn't get any better

[Lostworld]

It's been 2 years now that i have been seeing doctors near weekly and still my mind is clouded with the question "Why?" Why go on, why bother, life is just too hard, i keep thinking of how to end it, the anti depressants i just came off had me curled up in bed 20 hours a day grinding my teeth and petrified to got out, even now I am off them, i feel it's all pointless.

[Croix]

Dear Barry~

I'm sorry the last few days have been so ordinary. A few weeks ago I think I remember you saying your psych was going to change you medication. So I'd guess that means a period to tail off the old ones and then a build up period on the new ones. Did the psych say how long that would take?

Before the last few days have you been able to talk to that girl you mentioned? Sorry if that is an intrusive question, I was just thinking about what might take your mind away from everything else.

Hopefully the meds will kick in soon

Croix

[blondguy]

Hey Barry

Im sorry for the super late reply to you......I havent been here for a few days. Can I ask if you have had any help in the last few days?

When possible please let us know how you are

Paul

[geoff]

Hi Barry, just wanted to pop into your thread again and say that we are always here for you.

We know that your mind is trying to unravel all these thoughts, emptiness and certainly confusion that go from one end to the other extreme.

The TV is on and what happens, it's just a noise, people are moving around but you have no idea of what's going on, all you do is stare at the TV.

We're so sorry this is happening to you and really hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Lostworld]

I have to go for an operation, resections of 2 ingrowing toenails, both large toes. It has to be done under general anaesthetic as nerve blocks don't work on me, hence the general, which reminds me of when i suicided a few years ago with the waking up, I am in a real panic about it and its not helping my thoughts

[Lostworld]

I am off the new meds, which are really old mood stabilisers and made everything taste like cardboard, no appetite, insomnia, massive loss of weight.

Yes, I have been talking with her, i feel flat, no emotions like in a regular relationship

[Lostworld]

I have been 3 ambulance trips to the hospital for chest pain, the usual, they just stabilised me and sent me home, no real treatment

[Croix]

Dear Barry~

Chest pain is a pretty worrying thing. Did they actually find anything or is it open ended? (I hate that)

When do you go for your op? It's a real pity you can't have an epidural. Knowing someone is going to be on hand might be a bit of a comfort for recovery, is there anyone that could do that? I've found hospitals can be pretty accommodating.

How long have you been off the new meds? With all that going on no wonder you feel flat. Hopefully food will taste better and you'll get a bit of appetite back.

Forgot to say, I've a new dog now, looks like it's half fox, a rescue from the pound. It chases cats, which is not that good as we have two.

Hope things start to smooth out for you

Croix

[Lostworld]

Dear Croix

Its open ended, they are saying no to a Pheocromocytoma, but when I saw the head Endocrinologist said that i most likely have very small benign ones, only an MRI would pick them up, but he wouldn't do one. So I am stuck with adrenaline glands that go into adrenaline storms, So you can imagine what that is like.

I have stopped the tablets as they are making too many problems.

Barry

[Croix]

Dear Barry~

All these unsatisfactory things to try to juggle, it is an absolute pain. I'm not sure how those adrenalin storms might feel - perhaps a bit like a panic attack, which I am familiar with :(?

Can I ask if you are busy at the moment, working maybe? Work has been one of the things that's kept me going and stopped me thinking of all the down-sides all the time. Hopefully without the new meds life might not seem as gray.

Croix

[Lostworld]

Croix

I am not working, I am on DSP, there is no way i could perform any kind of work, especially in my fields. It is hard enough just to put a reply together for you

Barry