Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hello mmMekitty, Paws and all reading,

Hey Paws, thanks for the idea about the pedal thingy, I have one of those tucked away, I will drag it out, dust it off and put it somewhere where I will hopefully use it.

I'm presently rather tired with covid and am missing my daily walks that were great for exercise and also to help my thoughts and to calm me down and reduce stress levels. 

I'm going to attempt a short walk later. I am also planning on dragging my yoga mat out into the garden, I'll place it  on top of an old curtain, on top of the weeds and dirt! I will wrap myself up with an old sheet so the mosquitoes don't eat me alive and will enjoy the sound of the wind and the birds for a while.

Hope all your medical appointments are working out okay for you mmMekitty. Paws, I hope you and Woofa are doing okay.

I've seen some clips lately of people having quality time with cows in paddocks. Imagine snuggling up to a cow!

Cheers to you both and to all reading.

[mmMekitty]

Hey Paws, I'm not so scaredy that I can't chase off ferocious Fairy Wrens! A few zoomies around them & they will fly to another coop!

I'm going to have to buy my own Elliptical Cross Trainer.

I have got my NDIS plan reviewed & updated, including more hours with support workers, some more for an assessment with an Exercise Physiologist, some physiotheripist & I am looking to do these thing & a more relaxed group programme at Sporting Wheelies. I never knew the fun group activity is open to anyone - you don't have to have a disability to join that. Afterwards, they go to lunch nearby. I can't get a one to one trainer through NDIS. I'm glad I get some time with the Exercise Physiologist. 

It's a fair way away from where I live. That's the only real problem.

I am going to get a Support Co-ordinator soon, & then I might  be able to work out if I can go there only once a week or twice... I doubt 3 times.

*

Hi Dools

I love the idea of going out to listen to nature, on your yoga mat, with a sheet, too! I hope that will bring about some peace & calm, pleasure & joy..

Next Thursday, when I see the GP, (who is also leaving soon), I expect to hear if the scans are clear or what, & the blood test, too. After that, it looks like I will need to find a new GP, again. I think, this time, I will need to go to another practice.

Listen to your body, Dools, so you don't overdo it.

*

I came here tonight because I asked someone to write a list of things they like about themselves.

It sounds simple, but thinking about it, some people don't find it so easy at all. Much easier to say all the things we don't like.

It's one of the first things my PDr noted when I first went to see him. He observed how hard I am on myself, how I 'beat myself up' as he put it. I realise I wasn't so aware until he said that. Then I began to notice in the way I thought of myself, the way I was critical, & the words I used to describe myself - all with a 'negative' connotation & judgement attached.

So late now, I need to give my eyes a rest, go to bed, sleep... you know... 

Hugzies & nosebumps

mmMekitty

[Doolhof]

Hi mmMekitty,

Thanks for sharing your comments. I too have a very hard time trying to think of anything I like about myself! Maybe that can be a challenge for me this afternoon to try and think of some things and write them down!

It is much the same as trying to write down positive attributes or things you are good at, considering your qualities.

I wonder if we have a thread anywhere here with this kind of conversation? It would be worth a read.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Dools

Yeah, I've been wondering if there is already a thread out there. I know blondguy's "Do you like yourself? Your thoughts are welcome" thread where people have made comments about the things they like, things they cand do, & how to even answer the question, you know, what does it mean to 'like ourselves', I think most agree it's about more than looks, although some wouldn't discount how they have improved their looks is one thing they have done to like themselves more.

His thread would easily accommodate a response which included a list of what we like about ourselves.

I was wondering if a specific thread would be better for some people. So, yeah, I'm thinking of starting one anyway.  Like blongguy's, mine could go in 'Staying Well',

I still have to write the intro. I hope people lots of people will write, saying many different things, so some who may not be sure can read & begin to think, 'hey this is something I could like about myself!' That's what I hope for, & if tht's what happens, I will be stoked, you know, the cat that ate the cream!

& that will be something I will like about myself - that I was able to think of the thread, & people found it useful & even inspiring. That's something I could feel proud of. (especially on this frustrating website, lol).

Hugzies, & thanks for responding, which has helped me think about making the thread some more, to the point where I want to do it.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa.

Thank you for your support - I like getting the notifications up there, under the little blue heart next to my profie picture. I am glad I've worked that one out. I notice the latest is at the top of the list, too, though some people are supporting the a post from a week or two ago sometimes, I guess, because when I go to see if they posted a response too, the page opens up halfway down, or not on the first page, (I prefer newest first so page 1 is the latest). When Sophie posts, & I see a notification, & go there, these always seem to be be oldest first. Once, in a long Discussion, it opened up somewhere in the middle, many pages from either end.

*

After so many years, I think my sleep will always be eratic. It just gets harder dealing with feeling like I don't get enough, as I get older. But I hear older people usually don't need as much, so, if that's true, I might find I stop feeling like I'm not getting enough. It just won't be a regular set of hours.

I am getting better with coping when my PDr is away. My sort of internal panic still happens when he tells me of a break coming up, some weeks in advance, so I've had opportunities to talk about these feelings with him.  That helps. These are difficult conversation, though, because my feelings seem childish, truly, like they are what I may have felt when I was very young.

While he is away, the fact is I do cope. The one &only time I felt a need to call him while he was away was an exceptional time. He knew what I was facing with the surgery I had a little over a year ago, had said, if I needed I could call him, too. He hadn'texplicitly offered that before. So when the anaesthesia had some odd side-effects, which were disturbing, I called him as soon as I could.

Ordinarily, I have noticed, while nothing so extraordinary is going on, I cope better than I think & feel I can. That knowledge is slowly sinking in.

When he returns, I still feel a huge relief only when I hear his voice again.

*

For Dools, you & everyone, I have made my new Discussion. It's called: Can you list what you like about yourself?

Interested? I hope to see you there.

Dools, I hope you are feeling better today.

Hugzies all round

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Finaly got to the dentist & apparently the remaining teeth in my head, plus the bridge I had installed are all fine.

As good as my dentist is, it was so hard for me to remain still; I think I gave myself a stiff neck. I mentioned how sensitive I am to pain & she gave me some numbing gel. If you ever get that do your very best to keep your tongue away from it. It tasted so bad & the tip of my tongue went numb too.

Even so, the cleaning she did was sometimes painful, but not as bad as it would have been without the numbing gel. She actually didn't have much trouble with most of my teeth. There are a couple which are always difficult.

Because I see a private dentist, it does cost a fair bit to get the (hopefully) regular check-up & cleaning done. It's a quiet place, too, with just a few people working there.

*

I have also had a go at several exercise machines at Sporting Wheelies. I like the rowing machine too. The one they had does have a screen which shows how far I 'rowed'. I did a whole kilometre, she told me, because I could not read the screen. I guess I will have to imagine where I am rowing, if I am catching up to a ferry or not, going under a bridge or two, things like that. 

I had quite a work-out yesterday, & sure feel it today! That's what I need to convince me I am doing enough.

A couple were really difficult to do. she said these are the ones we need to do more!

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws ... I think I heard you breathing! 

Hugzies & nosebumps for Woofa, whose toenails I hear clicking on the tiles in the kitchen.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

Just reading about your exercise on the rowing machine wore me out 😉😀 

You are brave going to the dentist... I did have a dentist in my late 20s who used to give me one of the teddies they have for little kids to help me not be so stressed by everything going on... surprisingly it did help stroking the teddies fur & squeezing it when things hurt... perhaps you might ask your dentist about trying it... 

Woofa says ta for the nose bops & sends some right back at you... 

Hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hi Paws & Woofa - maybe I take Woofa to the dentist? [LRC Grins]

Thanks for dropping in for a little chat. It really was fun. I will need to remember to keep my head up & to pull my shoulders back & squeaze the muscles in my back between my shoulder blades. I need to work those muscles more.

So many times, when I've dreaded, or hesitated, to begin something it turns out to be less stressful & scarey, not so difficult either, as I had thought. I think there is still a part of me that fears failure so much it convinces me things are harder to do than they are.

I'm so glad to have lost a few kilos in a few months, rather than to have not lost any or to have gained more, because I would have now been thinking I've failed & can't do it. Now, however, I see my initial efforts did achieve something. Now, going to do more exercise a couple times a week, will help me more, I am sure. I have a sense of confidence that I haven't really felt until now.

It still seems like a small gain, the few kilos, but it is the small start in the right direction I need to go on with.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, wave to everyone,

I did have a chuckle at the thought of Woofa at the dentist...I most definitely wouldn't recommend it.... I can assure you utter chaos would ensue... apart from probably sending all the implements flying in all sorts of directions... you would risk him sticking his big snoz in your mouth as he tries to see if what the dentist is doing in there has anything to do with food... to finish it off he would probably spook himself with all the noisy metal things clattering & try to crawl onto your lap... I think a stuffed teddy would be much wiser..😊

I'm so pleased for you that you feel like you are making progress with getting fitter... please don't focus too much on the scales (we all do though don't we)... remember muscle weighs more than fat so even as you get leaner & fitter your weight can go up... it's far better to focus on how doing things will be easier the fitter you get... setting goals on what you can physically achieve like rowing for 1km comfortably then being able to do 1.5 then 2 etc... or being able to walk that little bit further , then a bit further still.

Your good influence is working... while I was in big town yesterday I bought lots of ingredients to make myself some salads... I was going to have a ham & salad sandwich for tea... but just made a ham & tomato one... gosh it was so yummy... I will have a salad sandwich today as I'm actually looking forward to it... even though mine aren't quite as adventurous as the salads you make... usually just a mix of things like baby spinach, tomato, beetroot, potato, capsicum, some fruit like pineapple or apricots, hard boiled egg & of course some cheese... sometimes I roast vegies to have cold in a salad the next day... 

Hugs

*** Woofa says he will only offer nose bops if you promise to give him a gentle scratch with those kitty cat claws of yours