Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

No matter what else I may feel, I'm turning my decision to eat healthier into a decision set in concrete. No going back, no getting tempted into having the 'oh just once in a while won't hurt you' treats...  no, all the salt/fat/sugar does hurt my body. All I have to do is notice how my body feels, how big, how deeply creased in some areas, to know.

I expect the decision to exercise regularly isn't quite set in concrete - it seems harder to implement.  I'm still working on that.

Feeling somewhat less sore today, so I'll be able to more exercise again. I bought a couple 1kg ankle weights, & want to start usiing them, too. Evidently, my legs need more strength exercises. If I do that, I'll manage stairs easier, & getting up off the floor when I've found something I've lost down there. Defined things I want to do the exercises for! That's really important for me.

mmMekitty

[ecomama]

Hey Kitty, if we look hard enough, beyond our front door most especially, we can ALWAYS find something to feel low or even depressed about.
Every single moment of every single day, we could choose that. 

And where does that lead us? 
Depression. Inactivity. Inability to do ANY THING because we're paralysed with these emotions. 

Bringing it back IN to show our own selves the compassion we need is where we HEAL. 
Healed people HEAL PEOPLE! 

I never watch the news, it's a complete waste of my time, energy & life force. 
Never. I know their agenda and I refuse to buy in. 

I don't wonder why there's a MH "crisis". 

I realised a LONG time ago, about 35y ago, that there are some things WITHIN my influence and a ton lot more outside of it. 
Working on what's WITHIN our power and influence will broaden this influence. Making us stronger! 
Bringing US improved mental and physical HEALTH! 

Allowing ourselves to be distracted by events out of our control, will aide in us copping out of our real responsibilities. Being us, me, you, our own selves. 

Have you tried Dr Joe's Meditations on YouTube to help being your potential into alignment with WHO you see you are? 
It works! 
Going into "the unknown" can be a bit scary but you have courage, you can do it Kitty! 

Love EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Hey Kitty, just popping in to let you know I'm leaving and didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you. 

You're so sweet to everyone here. Thankyou from me and all who've read your posts. I really appreciate them. 

Wishing you all the best for improved mental health, hugs! 
Love EMxxxx

[mmMekitty]

Hey EM, you are going to be missed around here, for your positivity, your stories, your kindness & generosity, & your wisdom. Take good care of you & yours. Give Buddha's head a rub for me. & maybe chase a couple chooks for me too - imagine me, LRC, making some mischief around the place from time to time.

I'm sure you will find a warm welcome, if/when you return, for any reason. People will be here, for you, EM.

Hugzies, & lots of red hearts to take with you on your journey, wherever you go, whatever you do.

mmMekitty

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey mmMekitty,

Your thread was easy to find. I've had a read of your first post and the last couple of pages for a bit of a snapshot of where you're at.

Re your first post, you said: "I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out."

That, I can relate to very much. I was known as a robot in my younger years. Then along came clinical depression. Suddenly I was swamped with all these emotions that I didn't always recognise, that I emphatically didn't want and I had no idea what to do with. That was about 15 years ago, now, and holy heck I had a steep learning curve to work with in that time! I've come a long way, since, as I'm sure you have.

I notice your mind is currently on exercise and healthy eating, and worries about the state of the world as far as being able to eat goes. I do agree with EM about the news and such. Most of it is designed specifically to make us feel bad. Yes, awful things happen in the world. Yes our lives are better than the lives of some others. No, we can't fix all or even most of the bad in the world.

I avoid the news like the plague these days and minimise social media and the like because I know I can't do anything about most of it. I believe wholeheartedly in doing what we can in the capacity we have to help those we can help. Our families or friends, our immediate community. It's hopeless to focus on what we can't do, and empowering to focus on what we can. Changing the life of even one person or animal for the better counts. I bet your beloved cat gained great benefit from having you as her parent.

I wish you luck with exercise and healthy eating, I too am trying to find my way back to these things on the heels of a nasty patch with my mental health, with specific goals in mind. Always happy to talk about those sorts of things.

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

[mmMekitty]

Hi all,

My sis surprised me this morning, phoning around 7:30am, wondering if I'd like a visit from her today. I am fine with that, so long as I had time for a shower & some breakfast. I managed tht, & she arrived aroung 1.5hours later.

We went for a walk together , up the road, & I took advantage of this by asking if she wouldn't mind going across to the chemist, as I'd forgotten something a couple days earlier. if I didn't go with her then I'd have had to walk up there on my own tomorrow.

The conversation was light & general. I asked her about her son, who she had wanted to visit recently, way across the land to WA. He's fine, but she had flood waters chasing her along the way back, passing through Dubbo a couple weeks ago, & glad to not be stranded there.

She was fooling around with me, as if I was a pony she was training. She said I was a bad pony - not taking much notice of her gestures! I said, "You haven't even put a halter on me!" It was funny to think of mobility training using horse training techniques.

& then I went & fell over, near to home, but not as bad as the last time I fell over. The footpath is not flush with the ground, & my foot slipped off the edge, & down I went. My left knee, (again) was the more hurt bit of me, with only a slight grazing through my jeans.

She & her hubby don't do Xmas. Not sure what I want to do, yet - given that I don't want to mess up my improved eating habits.

I told her all about that, because, when she phoned, she offered to bring me a pie from a really good pie shop she knows of. I had to decline.

I told her about the exercising & never finished telling her about my other options. I mentionsed about the injections so expensive, & no funding from NDIS to help, about my intention to get the cross trainer, but didn't say anything about the other option of having the gastric sleeve surgery. Just didn't get to it, while getting underway with our walk.

She read out the joke the Vet had up on their sign. [Grinning LRC], which I posted to 'worst Joke Wednesday', before I forget.

It was a pleasant visit, which felt too short, before she was ready to leave. By then, I ws imagining, do I have to now prepare lunch? Dreading her seeing me cook, thinking I'm doing things wrong, or that I'm not handling the food well enough... thoughts rising up, oh my... like 'lions & tigers & bears - oh my!'

mmMekitty

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey,

Looks like we were typing at the same time. Sorry to hear you had a fall. Glad to see you had a pleasant visit with your sister. On the balance you seem to have had more positive than negative in your day, and held to your values re eating healthy, you're doing great. 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Blue.

PS I hope my verbosity isn't too much, I certainly don't expect you to respond to everything as quickly as I often do, or with posts as long as mine, on any given space we interact in. No pressure at all.

[mmMekitty]

Blue, I've run up against the dreaded character (with spaces) count on many occasions. Somewhat less frequently, lately, but more than I ought to have, given that it is inaccurate now.

[lRC smiling], often, when people ask what would seem to be a simple question, I'll run out of characters answering, easy!

Late now, so I'm needing to stop, for sleep.

Goodnight, & may you, Blue, & everyone, have wonderful dreams & wake up smiling with the memories ofthem.

mmMekitty

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Oh boy, I hear you about that character count. I write my replies in a document and check my character count before I post these days, and BB gives us about 200 characters less than the 2500 it says it does. Very frustrating!

Hope you slept well. 🙂

Blue. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, waves to Blue..

I enjoyed listening about the visit you had with your sister, sounds like you had a bit of mindful happiness….But I am so sorry that you fell over and hurt your knee again….I do hope that it is feeling better and you’re looking after yourself the best you can….

I am in awe of you, not having that pie that your sister offered you….I would have caved in…I do like a yummy pie…You are doing a great job, with your new healthy eating, well done lovely lady…

I know a few people that have had the gastric sleeve operation….the first few months they lost a lot of weight, and they were very happy with their decision to have it done…then another few months passed and not being able to keep to the strict diet, they faulted and put it all back on plus extra….I don’t want to discourage you from having it done, not at all, but it is a huge commitment for life….I think if you can change your eating habits as you have done and keep at it…it is a much safer and healthier way to loose weight and then be able to control/maintain it at the weight you want to be at….I am around 25-30 kilos overweight caused by my meds….I have been told by my Cardiologist to loose weight, and I’m sure my Dr will tell me that the nerve pain I am struggling with on my leg and back will ease if I loose some weight….so after listening to you and how inspired and determined you are to loose weight by changing your eating habits, I have decided that the time is right for me to give it another try….so I wanted to thank you a lot for sharing this with us all….

I hope today is a good day for you..How is your knee now?

Big hugs dear mmMeKitty, with my caring thoughts..🤗🦋♥️.

Grandy..