Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[startingnew]

Hi Sapphire

youve made some real progress. i can tell jst by reading this post. you didnt let people ruin your day and you spoke up for yourself. a little while go you wouldnt have done either of those.

im glad you have family support and people worrying about you but sometimes they can be over bearing for sure. i hope they do take a step back so they arent so smothering.

i hope the rest of your nights good too

hugs xox

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

Your walk sounds like it was very grounding for you, well done.

Thank you for explaining Speech Pathology.. Sapphire please follow your dream.🌹💜..

I know your parents and sister are probably annoying you and making you feel smothered, They love you Sweetheart, there concerned about you..That's gold Sapphire it really is...

I hope you have a good Night tonight with lots of deep sleeps..

Special 🤗..

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Sapphire,

Im just doing a little check in to see how you're doing,

I hope you're doing okay, it's a beautiful autumn day here today, I hope it's the same in your part of this beautiful planet we live on...

look after yourself sweetheart, when you're ready I would love to hear how your feeling and what your up to, if that's okay...I'm kind of missing you..

Warm and caring hugs..xx

Grandy..

[startingnew]

Hope your going ok Sapphire. thinking of you xox

[Sapphire_]

Hello Grandy, Starts,Deebee and all.

Sorry i havent been on of late. Ive been preparing for a rent inspection. Its been so stressful. My house is usually clean and tidy but i like to go completely over the top and clean every single square inch of the house.

Hubby thinks im going back down because ive been depressed and lost interest in everything. Even smoking. Just cant be bothered with anything even eating. I just dont care for it. I think ive just been stressing about the inspection. Or maybe its something else. Sleep seems to be getting worse too. Waking more often throughout the night. Every night. I honestly feel like the meds arent doing anything. And i dont get to see the psychiatrist til end of the month. Ive just gone all meh. I dunno.

Grandy i been missing you too. Tried to come on yesterday but the site was down. Was so upset i dunno why it affected me so much.

Love love xx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dearest Sapphire,

You don't have anything to apologise for sweetheart, We all have been and will no doubt be there again when we also go quiet and into hiding for a day or two...

Yesterday, when the sight closed down, oh I was upset I think I even cried a little before bed last night, this is my safe place to come to. It was like my family went away for the night and left me on my own...It was a little scarey, believe me I know how upset it made you.

Sapphire, please and I'll say it again please, stay on the meds, it takes 6-8 weeks before they work properly..I can see the difference in you already by the way your talking, you've got some little positives in your threads, and the post on my thread made me so happy, because I felt some bit of happy emotion in you're words. That means you have some happies in their in your thoughts sweetheart and we have to bring them out for you...

You need to eat a healthy meal at least once a day, to help you with your mental health, but also if we don't eat properly it makes it harder to sleep. I think..also I read that we need 12 minutes of sunlight on our bodies daily to help with sleep as well. I try this daily and it helps..

Keep talking Sapphire when you feel to. I look forward to speaking to you.. I hope you continue to go from strength to strength..xx.

Hugs xx sleeptime hugs xx🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Grandy. ❤

Yes I usually go into hidding every mothersday. Its hard.

Im staying on my meds. I dont think they are working and i have trouble concentrating and remembering simple things. I think its also affecting my vision. My hubby thinks im not taking them but i have been. Which kinda proves my point about them not working.

So i am having a problem atm. I dont know why my brain has to stuff everything up. It chimes in in the most annoying times. Its been a problem for a while now. I dont really know if i can say. Argh... stupid. Nvm.

Eating is painful for me now and also everything tastes gross. Everything i used to enjoy eating tastes aweful to me. Even chocolate 😭😲

Im finding it so hard to stay away from the alcoholic beverages. I feel it calling to me in my blood. I cant drink it. If i do i wont be able to stop. I know the consequences. Its just so tempting since i cant enjoy food why not enjoy drink. Need to slap myself. No... no not drinking. Must stop thinking about alcohol.

[startingnew]

Hey Sapphire

it might be worth writing down these side effects and seeing when you can get into see your psychiatrist. your medication dosages might need adjusting/changing etc if your not tolerating the side effects or find they arent helping.

everything might taste yuk now because eating to your brain means pain. might be worth meanitoning it to your gp and seeing if theres another reason though..

when the thoughts about alcohol come up perhaps try to distract yourself from it or find something like ginger beer (the fizzy drink) it might be enough to suppress your urge but in a healthy way..

hoping your doing ok the past day or so. thinking of you ❤️ xox

[Ggrand]

Hello Saphhire,

Im pleased to hear that your.staying on your meds, they take time to work properly..If there not working the way you feel they should be, next gp visit please let him/her know maybe adjustment is needed..

I agree with Starts about distracting ourself when your feeling the need for alcohol..Please Sapphire, try to keep away from that.....

Im sitting here with you tonight..if that's okay.. 🍫🌹..a red rose for your bedside table...and a chocolate because I think your really special..xx,

Kind thoughts and warm hugs. 🤗🤗

Grandy

[Sapphire_]

Hello Starts, Grandy, Deebee and all.

So far ive managed to stay away from alcohol. I know i cant drink it. I dont want to go down that road again. Temptation is so high though. I cant drink fizzy drinks anymore due to having like no stomach. Otherwise that would have been a great idea with the gingerbeer.

Ive started a new project to keep me busy and occupy my mind. Should keep me going until i start uni. Im making a queen sized blanket for my friends who just got married.

My therapist has told me i need to do one thing each day that i enjoy. So been trying to think of enjoyable things that i like doing. I think its been so long since ive done something for myself that ive forgotten what i like doing.

Thank you for the rose and chocolate Grandy. I absolutly LOVE chocolate and can still actually eat it. Mm yumm

I resorted to taking sleeping pills to get me through the night. They worked the first night then second night kept waking up again. Feeling so groggy and like hungover. Wont be taking them again tonight. Stupid sleep problems.

Hope you all enjoyed your day.

Xx