Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Sapphire_]

Im just so tired. Tired of everything. I just lay here on my bed all day starring at the wall and crying. I just dont have the strength or motivation for anything. Im just gonna lay here forever.

[demonblaster]

How you going today darl?

[Sapphire_]

Not too well tbh. Barely have the strength to come on here to reply. Withdrawals from meds are wreaking havoc on me. Depression is knocking me down. Cant eat or drink. Cant sleep, when sleep does come its plagued with nightmares. Finding it harder to find the will to go on. Just lay here on my bed watching the shadows change and dont move even when hubby yells at me to get up. My dog lays here staring at me, i think she knows something is up.

Thats enough of my whinning. Hubby says i should just suck it up.

[demonblaster]

Pfftttt just suck it up, what the.... urghhh makes me angry that sort of rot being said

Chooky you see surgeon soon but what about GP have you made an appointment, you need back on those pills.

You can ring here too or talk on line to them scroll down and on L) side in Red

Don't let yourself go back where you were Sapphire, you've got the goods in you to pull up again, you did before.

[Sapphire_]

Everytime i call the hotline or chat online to someone from BB the cops get sent out and am made to go to hospital.

I haven't made an appointment with the GP. Im scared of what he will say. Im scared that he will see through me and know there is something more. I havent seen my GP in a long time. Since before i first got sent to hospit.

Demonblaster im so scared. Im scared that i will end up in hospital again. Im scared that ive made some huge mistakes recently. Im just scared of myself and im scared of my hubby.

Great now im crying again... i cant even say what im truely feeling and thinking. If anyone knew i certainly would be sent away.

[demonblaster]

What a terrible place you're in. I'm very sorry you feel that way about hubby too. Damn it aye

Darl you need to talk to GP to get back on the pills.
Hospital I know you don't want to go but do you think that may be the best place for you atm to be safe of yourself

You're in a dark pit you need looking after Sapphire, how bout make that call

I'll be here

[Sapphire_]

I cant talk to anyone. I need a few days. My hubby is home for a few days and i dont want him to be around when I decide what to do. Im just gonna have to put up with him yelling at me and questioning my every move until he goes back to work on sunday. He is too controling. I cant do anything when he is around.

[demonblaster]

Are you getting any sleep

[Sapphire_]

Very limited sleep. When i do sleep i have nightmares or wake all sweaty and bedding all over the place. I even seen Jesus' head at the end of my bed. Im not religious so i dont know what that means. Maybe im just hallucinating. Last time i was this tired i thought the trees were talking to me and mocking me. Im so tired and am not allowed to go in the bedroom durring the day anymore. Hubby wont let me. So i sit on the lounge in the dark. I feel like im in another world. Not in my body. Detached even?

[demonblaster]

What's happening with Psych? the last one went crook cause you're off meds, are you going to see another?