Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[demonblaster]

Thanks for keeping us updated hun

Good wishes with surgery xx

[Sapphire_]

So I thought i was better... then it all hit me. The past few days have been so hard. Im just trying to survive until my surgery. My mood is so low i feel like i just dont even care if i make it that far. I feel a lil defeated and flat. I cant even have a smoke to relax!

[demonblaster]

Hey darl, thats a shame to hear Sapphire

Hey well done with durries im givin up again too just buyigng occasional one off people which doesnt make me wanna start again full time.

are you still keeping busy or do you have more time to think

You've started picking up, you can get back there aye.

Op not far off you were excited bout that

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Demonblaster. 🙂 good on you for giving up on smoking. Itd hard hey.

Today was a bit better. I think i give myself too much time to think then i start to fall apart. I only seem to crave smokes when i have anxiety or feeling crappy. Im not allowed to smoke before the op so that keeps me from smoking too.

I finish up on the intensive day therapy on friday and im scared as hell even after my initial reluctance to go. Im not sure what happens next.

Anyway its way past my bed time. Chat soon xx

[demonblaster]

Thx keeping in touch good to hear bit better.

Yeah we lean on durries in stress times but excellent you've good reason to stay off

Thx btw yeah just odd one

Yes i imagine would be unsettling finishing day therapy but they'll continue to look after you id imagine

Our lovely Starwolf who's been here with you is sick, im not sure what but she's not well at all which is awful. Care so much about her & appreciate her solid support & friendship on my thread. She's a legend. Just thought id let ya know

All best hun

[Sapphire_]

Oh no I hope Starwolf recovers, she has been a great support to me on here and I appreciate her words of advice.

Yah smokes were my coping mechanism with stress and anxiety, I have learnt other ways to cope, just need to put them into practice. I had a drag of my friends smoke last night and i feel so guilty but glad it was only a drag and not a whole smoke.

Today is my last day of day therapy. Im a bit nervous to be on my own. Have to find a private psych. Not sure how to go about that. I guess i will have to see my gp.

[demonblaster]

Yeah sapphire shes magic aye same as you shes been such a rock to me too & many others i'll pass msg on in my thread where im leaving msg's for her

Awesome re fags & good figuring other things out you'll get there when you're ready sounds li,e you're doin really well. A drags not a worry.

Yeah through GP probs way to go

Later darl ☺

[Sapphire_]

My nightmares have returned and are haunting me. Im starting to lose control of my anxiety again. I need to keep it together until my surgery. I have 6 days until i have it and i feel like that is forever away. Im scared that i cant control myself and im all alone. Just need to hang in there until the 29th. Everything just seems to be so hard.

[startingnew]

Hey Sapphire

im still here for you ive just been in hospital thats all, but im back out now. ive read little bits where youve been going ok, try to remember those and draw upon those. youve got this!

[Sapphire_]

Thanks Startingnew. I hope your hospital stay wasnt too long and exhausting. Hope your ok now.

I just struggle with these damn nightmares. And going over them all throughout the day. Just wish they would stop. Ive become lazy with getting better. I haven'teven made contact with the psychs that were recomended to me when i finished at the day therapy place. I just cant be bothered with anything. I feel meh...