Im new. Unsure how to start.

Sapphire_ · ‎11-08-2017

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

startingnew · ‎15-08-2017

Thanks DB

Hugs Sapphire

I really hope your doing ok and letting them help you.

With you in spirit xoxo

Sapphire_ · ‎16-08-2017

I am really finding it hard to understand why i am here. I know i asked for help. But i just cant help but regret that decision. Im having constant panic attacks and noone seens to notice. One of the nurses even asked me when my neck is going to stop twitching. I cannot help involuntary movements. My neck is getting on my last nerve and im clawing at it to stop. The meds the have given me workvut only for a short period of time unless im alone in my room. When i am forced to attend meals that i don't eat i get alot of anxiety. The only things that relaxes me is SH.

Soon im afraid nothing will keep me sane abd safe.

Only good this is i met someone who i nice to me he saw me sart to pabic and helped me when noone else was

Ps my nurse is about to get punched if she treats me like a 2 year old again. Im over her not listening to me and telling me what to do.

Im so lonely, frustrate and scared. Im too scared to start talking to them. Then my neck starts twitching and i loose focus on what they are saying to me. I have no idea what is expected of me. Not to mentiin not sleeping.

You all mean alot to me. If it wasn't for you all i truely would be alone and probably worse off. Gone-which is gow my future looks given a recent development.

Take care all. I will touch base soon. Xx

startingnew · ‎16-08-2017

Just checking in

Hoping your doing ok

Starwolf · ‎16-08-2017

First of all, we're no figures of authority. We're not here to tell you what to do but to reveal alternatives for you to consider. Most of us have been through similar experiences and distress. We are willing to share our thoughts and feelings in the hope it may help others in need. Decisions are for you only to make.

Kudos for taking the plunge and bravely bringing some of what is troubling you to the surface. It is better out there in the open than spreading toxicity under the carpet. It is not going to be easy but you are on the right track...even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Please keep in mind that medication takes time to kick in. It also takes time for body and mind to adjust. It doesn't have to be permanent. Just a bit of a prop while important matters are being worked out.

New experiences can be scary, particularly if you are unsure what to expect. Trust doesn't come easy, especially when it has been betrayed in the past. I hope you will gradually relax a bit more into this situation. If there are things you do not understand, please do not hesitate to ask questions. It will help keep doubt at bay and make settling in a bit easier.

Sapphire_ · ‎16-08-2017

I just struggling today. Ive made a friend. He is the same age as me. He is tbe only oerson in here keeping me sane. Except bot he has social leave or what ever its called. So im in my room all alone staring at the walls regretting having asked for help. Im feeling so angry today. Im not sure why. Anxious and angry. I can feel.it building up and i want an escape.

startingnew · ‎16-08-2017

Hi Sapphire

my last post came in at the same time as your post.

Im sorry you feel your not getting lsitening to you. I really hope they start to listen to you.
Star has suggested some great things here too.

Im glad you have made a friend. It can help to just talk as well. He probably has social leave as he isnt a risk to himself. Your aveing suicdal thoughts and self harm urges they are keeping you safe even though tis driving you insane- It was doing the same thing to me. But it helped clear my head.
Can you ask for some paper and a pencil and write your feelings out. Like a journal. Smetimes thats the release you need

startingnew · ‎16-08-2017

Hi Sapphire

my last post came in at the same time as your post.

Im sorry you feel your not getting listening to you. I really hope they start to listen to you.
Star has suggested some great things here too.

Im glad you have made a friend. It can help to just talk as well. He probably has social leave as he isnt a risk to himself. Your haveing SH urges and have SI they are keeping you safe even though its driving you insane- It was doing the same thing to me. But it helped clear my head.
Can you ask for some paper and a pencil and write your feelings out. Like a journal. Smetimes thats the release you need

Starwolf · ‎17-08-2017

Sorry to read you've been having a bad day. We wouldn't appreciate the better ones without having those to compare them with. When in distress, someone's absence can easily trigger a bout of negative feelings.

It is good to know that you have met someone you can relate and talk to. I agree with SN's suggestion to write down exactly how you feel. This could be handed over to those who fail to listen when you speak out. You could take time over it, edit as much as you wish. You could also express your concerns to whoever is in charge of the nursing staff. If done in writing, it would avoid emotional confrontation.

We cannot be there with you but we're here for you...listening.

Sapphire_ · ‎18-08-2017

I am now more than ever determined to die. I don't understand why it should matter. Im nothing in the grand scheme of things. I dont care anymore. This meds are not doing anything. I just want to be left alone to die

Sophie_M · ‎18-08-2017

Hi Sapphire, we're sorry to read you're in such a dark place right now. It's very worrying for all of us to read that you feel "determined to die". Suicidal thoughts can be very overwhelming and upsetting, and we want to make sure you have the best support around you right now.

If these thoughts are going to the next step - as in, you are making plans and thinking of ways to kill yourself, then this is an emergency and we would urge you to be seeking help outside of this space. There is a limit to the support that we can provide you here, we are not a crisis service and are unable to ensure your safety without being there in the room with you.

Please help us to support you by giving one of the following numbers a call:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
beyondblue 1300 22 4636

If you are safe right now, it would help us all here if you're able to reply and let us know.

We will still be here to support you once these very intense feelings pass (and they will pass).