I spent my whole life pretending that everything is fine when it wasn't (sexual abuse)

[Ghost_76]

I'm new to this. Just needed to talk to someone... anyone... need to know I'm not crazy

[Birdy77]

Hi Ghost,

Hope you are being gentle with yourself, and trying to float through this time if you can ... it could be a rough time for you coming up to christmas, i know it is for a lot of us here - you're not alone.

Go gently.

🌻 birdy

P.S. Hi Nztruckr, it sounds like your story and your words of support really meant a lot to Ghost, so don't be discouraged, your support is important.

[Ghost_76]

At this stage I'm so tired, I'm not sure if I'm able to float, Birdy. I've only had a couple of hours sleep so far this week. Never thought I'd be so happy to hear the alarm go off for work in the morning. So tired, but I just can't sleep...

Supposed to try a sleeping pill tonight... not fond of sleeping pills, but I also need to sleep...

[Nztruckr]

Hi birdy

Thank you for your reply to my post on ghosts thread

I will always be here in support of ghost and anyone feeling in similar thoughts

Sometimes i know what i want to say but often in gets mixed up and sometimes sounds different to how i thought it would

But ghost know this i am always here for you and hope you are feeling better than when you last posted

[Ghost_76]

I'm going to that space where you 'smile and nod', because that is what is expected of me.

I started some meds, but it makes me feel like crap. Feeling very nauseous when I take it.

I'm going to see someone in the new year. Just need to survive the next couple of weeks...

I feel numb... not sad, not angry... just numb..

I'm trying hard to function normally. To have the "Christmas cheer". To have normal conversations.

My mother is here for Christmas... so sweet and helpful... because we're all normal and nothing bad ever happened.

Smile and nod...

[Birdy77]

I keep prssing reply, then cancel because i feel like i don't have anything of worth to offer you. But i will just say that i know that space very well, where you nod and smile, and i hate it. I am really feeling for you Ghost, with your mother there now, and yes aren't we just a lovely family where nothing bad ever happened ... i had to be in that space last Christmas, having to be with my parents where everything is sweetness and light because we are just such a happy bunch. And it was excruciating. Hang in there Ghost. Look ahead to the new year ... you're not alone. 🌻birdy

[Ghost_76]

Thanks Birdy... thanks for just listening

[Nztruckr]

I can relate to the way your feeling i too have had instances where i needed to be on meds and like you i hated it more so the side effects they brought quite often i would just stop taking them even though i knew i needed to be on them

Plus i know all to well the nod and smile effect having to smile and pretend that nothing was wrong in order for something to run smoothly or even for someone to feel comfortable it doesnt seem fair does it having what happened to you and then have to pretend nothing did happen to keep others comfortable

Its good news that your going to be seeing someone after christmas at least there will be someone to help you get through to help you find some useful strategies to help you understand and cope

Do you think that msybe your mum been there has maybe set off some triggers for you and maybe has what started this feeling of where you are now

I do hope that you can get through the next few weeks till your appointment i think this will probably be the turning point for you

Anyways i hope you have a awesome Christmas even though everything seems to be getting on top of you and i am honestly hoping that everything gets better

Ps merry Christmas to you too birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Ghost,

I just read your thread and wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for what you've been through, our life stories are so similar it's scarey.

I would like to let you know I care about you, I wanted to write to you but I can't to many triggers, but please believe me when I say I feel your pain and please try and get professional help and try as hard as you can to stay with the help.... you will never be alone in here, as you've seen, the people on these forums are your friends, and care for you.

.Be kind to yourself. You deserve to be happy,

kindness only, Merry Christmas.

GG.

[Ghost_76]

Thanks GG. Thank you everyone. It is good to know that there is someone who understand these feelings...

Triggers are terrible. I'm finding that I have more than I thought...

I'm sorry, I'm really struggling to formulate my thoughts this morning...

Hope all of you have a peaceful and good Christmas.

[Ggrand]

Hi Ghost,

Take as much time as you need, I completely understand. Just remember you are a beautiful person, Try really hard not to let them win. My abusers seem to still have that hold over me, I'm trying as you must try and yeah it's hard not to let them win, we need to get our lives back.

Thank you so much for your Christmas Wishes, it means a lot,..I hope you have a peaceful & good Christmas..

be kind to yourself,

kindness only,

GG.