I spent my whole life pretending that everything is fine when it wasn't (sexual abuse)

[Ghost_76]

I'm new to this. Just needed to talk to someone... anyone... need to know I'm not crazy

[Croix]

Dear Ghost 76~

It is good to hear from you, and the time is of no consequence, you write when you need or want to, it's fine.

Trust, after your earlier life, is not something would ever come easily, and then perhaps only for one or maybe two. As for your quote, there are steadfast peple in the world, yo have not been lucky.

Would you like to say anything about your life at the moment, if you are living in company with anyone else? The last time we spoke I think you were in hospital.

Being brave enough to look at your life is no betrayal, the fact the problems you have been confronted with and the reactions you have to them now are greater than expected is hard to bear, if you knew that now would you have tried to lock everything away? I beleive you were ready to make a start. You have bravery, and being human sometimes discouraged.

Nobody with any sense or understanding says "Get over it", in fact that is one of my pet hates. It simply means hte person is impatient and has the empathy of a clam.

For you to wish to get over it is natural, but get over it really means being able to live a life not ruled by the past and illness. I got there and I expect you will too. Although waves may remain, they become manageable.

Do you have decent medical support now? Also anyone to give you any personal support that helps?

Croix

[Ghost_76]

Dear Birdy,

I really hope that you are doing better. I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs.

❤
Ghost

[Ghost_76]

Dear Croix,

Thank you so much for replying. I hope that you are doing well.

My life is really messed up at the moment. I had to resign from work and it was a really hard decision to make, but stress is such a big trigger.

I have my family, but it's been hard on them. I've been doing a lot of trauma work, which means some regular hospital visits.

I'm struggling to cope with my trauma. It seems like my brain decided to keep a lot of the trauma from me. It's like shaking a bottle of soda... once the lid is off, you can't get it back on again.

I recently lost my therapy team. Then there's the isolation... I'm trying not to burden the people around me.

Thanks for welcoming me back.

Ghost

[Croix]

Dear Ghost76~

If it is of any comfort to you things more recently came back for me in dribs and drabs, so they were in that sense easier to deal with (hopefully there are not many more). Looking at one thing at a time has it advantages, being less overwhelming for a start. The confidence then assist when dealing wiht the next.

As a result I"d like to ask a couple of questions, the first is obvious, what happened to your medical team (no need to answer of course) and are you getting a replacement?

Second is there any possibility with a therapist of dealing with one thing at a time. you are right, if it is all fizzing out at once it is pretty overwhelming, is this something worth discussing when you have a new psychiatrist?

I'm very glad you have family and are not facing everything alone. Do you think if you are leaning on them they too might benefit from some form of support?

Are you able to have something each day to look forward to and enjoy, no matter how trivial? This strategy works quite well for me as a partial help.

Croix

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ghost 76, its Sophie here. We're so sorry to hear things aren't going well for you at the moment and that you've had to resign from your job. We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes and it's really unfortunate that you've lost your therapy team. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.
 
In addition to this, there are always counsellors available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include Lifeline - 13 11 14 / https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am) or the  Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467. Thanks for checking back in with us, we're so glad to have you back on the forums. 

[Ghost_76]

Dear Croix,

I truly hope that things settle down for you too. Please know that I'm here if you need to vent.

As for your questions...
It's something that makes my head spin. I keep on thinking that maybe I'm just too much. One of my therapist were talking about slowing down on seeing patients and then in session one day, I was told it's our last session.

The other one... well, I don't think we ever really clicked. I was a "hand down" patient, so I don't think they ever really wanted to work with me.

I'm seeing someone new at the moment and they are brilliant with Trauma work. It's just that trust thing and the fear of being abandoned and rejected once again.

I try not to lean on my family. I don't want to burden them and I have been feeling so disconnected lately that I've isolated to the point that I don't know if I can turn it around. I love them, but it feels like I'm not good for them.

I'm trying to get through every day.

Thanks for being such a wonderful person.

Please take care of yourself

Ghost

[Ghost_76]

Dear Sophie,

Thank you so much. I will definitely keep it in mind.

Ghost

[Birdy77]

Dear Ghost,

Thank you so much for the hugs, gratefully received, and sending big friendly ones back.

Gosh, that tmust have sucked to hear in the mudst of a session that that was going to be your last one. That seems pretty irresponsible to me on their part ... I'm so sorry that happened.

I think i understand what you mean about the fizzy bottle - that was a really helpful way of describing it, and i think I've been there as well ... i remember it getting to the point where i could nit thunk of anything other than the trauma work i was doing, and then having to be around my parents for a few days - it was not pretty.

You are diung so amazingly well, getting through each day, surviving the best you can.

And your brain, keeping things from you ... i think that's survival?

It is so nice to be talking to you again, i think it's really good that that you've decided to write here again, and i hope it helps, even a little.

Are you still having hospital visits to support you, or has that slipped with the support team?

So sorry to hear that you needed to resign - but if that keeps you safer it's good thing. It's so tough though isn't it. Have you been homeschooling?

I am coping ok, thank you so much fir yoyr care and concern ❤, i have had a massive bombshell blast from my parents, one where all of a sudden i look back and think, all this was a lie ... but i am so lucky to have a supportive partner, my doggies ... and amazingly, it looks like my sisters and i have reunited after many years? Whether that lasts and grows, i don't know, but for the moment, it feels very good.

Thinking of you lots ❤ i care

🌻birdy

[Birdy77]

My typos!!

I'm so sorry!

My mind, it is a mess atm - i will try to do better next time 🙄

xo

[Ghost_76]

Dearest Birdy,

I didn't even see the typos the first time round. So you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Trust me - my brain is not exactly functioning at the moment.

I'm so sorry that you had a bombshell moment. Those really suck! I'm hoping that once the dust settles, you'll find some peace and that things will get better.

I'm so happy that something good came out of all of that. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it will get better and stronger. You are such a beautiful and caring person and anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives.

Keep your head up and know that I'm sending you a huge hug and lots of good vibes. Spent time with those you love and that appreciate you.

Take care of yourself and remember to be gentle with yourself.

❤
Ghost