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I so lonely 😠and I am tired of this
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Hi Hayley
I am so sorry it has taken so long to get back to you, I had a day with the kids yesterday so wasn't on here, so sorry that you needed to chat and I wasn't here. I can see though that Gadzooks has also sent you a wonderful message, (big wave to you too Gadzooks) and I hope that this too has given you some hope and some knowing that you are special and that you are worth it and that you are a wonderful person. It is really hard when the people you rely on like your family can't provide you with the emotional support you need and I am so sorry that you are feeling like this Hayley.
You were feeling pretty bad yesterday, how are you feeling today? Do you think you could crank some music you love and do some art and make an afternoon that is all about you and making you feel good?
You matter to me Hayley and I am here to support you and to chat and to hopefully make you feel like you do matter to someone, because you do, so very much.
Huge hugs to you Hayley
Sarah xxx
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Hi Sarah
It’s okay that you were gone.
I am feeling little bit better today, I went down the beach and had a swim which was relaxing after my stressful day yesterday. I played some music too. Tried to do art yesterday but it just stressed me out obviously I am not good enough I don’t know even why I do it. But that’s the point what is so appealing about me next to nothing.
Thankyou for being here. It’s helped, even just little bit but it’s hard when there’s no one physically there.
hayley
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Hi Unicorndogge,
I'm really saddened and sorry to hear of your troubles. I too have had times when I feel so very alone in the world, and have no one to talk to or catch up with. I do have a successful job and probably everything I want, but when I am alone, the world can be a very cold and dark place. Sometimes it's just as easy to give up hope and throw it all in, and believe me I do have those days, but there are people there who can help you. I agree with Sarah and all the others who have helped you in the past few days. Volunteering is great, and demonstrating to the world what you are really good at with your artwork etc. Part of my self therapy is walking, and it helps clear my mind. I walk past an aged care place every day and feel for those who can't get out. Maybe as people here have suggested, pint for aged care homes or even for local markets? I volunteer myself, and find it very rewarding to share some of my talents with likeminded people who also want to give time back to the community.
While I feel very alone at times, and feel that there's no end in sight, what other people have suggested along with a couple of my comments today hopefully will help you. I'm sure you're a very talented person, who's just looking for something to unlock those talents with the key that will help you to discover a brighter future.
Hugs if you want them.
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Hi Hayley,
You have absolutely not bothered me, so please don't let at least bother you. I engage with others' beyond my own posts because I genuinely care and know I'm far better at caring for others than myself. When it comes to The Arts I don't personally think anyone is 'not good enough'. My main instrument is clarinet and I know that there are many other people who are far better at it than me. Sometimes I get disconcerted when people give me praise because I don't consider myself to be at that level despite being semi-professional. I think it's easy to fall into that and that it is one of those things where interpretation makes a difference. I think your dog picture is wonderful!
I also want you to know that I understand Autism as much is possible without being on the spectrum (though this is in debate) as I have family, friends and colleagues all who are. I want you to know that nobody can figure all things out for themselves though we try and try. I feel that perhaps you don't have someone who will actively help you with this currently. We are all here and happy to talk should you need.
What kinds of music do you like? I'm semi-addicted to Musical Theatre! I just had a long shower while belting out songs at the top of my voice. I find it really helps sometimes.
Hoping today is a better day because you are 100% worth it.
Hugs
Gadzooks
PS: Hi Sarah 🙂 Hope all is well with you too.
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Hi junior Thankyou for replying
The problem with volunteering is there is nothing around here, I looked a few days ago and all that came up was places that are too far. and there is nothing local around here because it’s like barely a town the only thing around here is the beach. If I still lived with my nan they would have been more volunteering opportunities, even for stuff my age there’s hardly anything that’s why This is a crap place to live overall.also I not good at art I should just give it up it makes me stressed out. Walking is the worse thing for me all I think about when I walk is things that won’t happen like when I try to sleep then if I see someone I know that’s it I am all jealous and it makes me feel bad afterwards that I don’t have what they have. Though swimming I like especially yesterday it was calming.
sure I will take hugs
hayley
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Hi gadzooks
Thats good I am not bothering you. I think you may be right about judging art but I can’t help it, even when I was younger I always wanted my art to come out perfect that is a fault of my own, my first year in high school I got 2nd in the class for art but I still did not think that was good enough since I didn’t get any certificates even before that. I wanted to be useful and still do now, I even tried cross country at school still 2nd and everything else I was last at. I felt like failed myself for not getting good at anything. Charniet is a beautiful sounding instrument you must be amazing at it, it’s pretty hard to play.
Just because I have autism everyone babys me sometimes I don’t blame them I am quite stupid. My dads girlfriend wants to help me but she is trying to put me her company that works with disabled people, the fear I have is that I will feel labeled even when I did try to hang out with people that have autism we just don’t relate, sometimes I think weather i have it or not but the thing that’s makes me believe I have it is that I am different to other people my age that’s why I can’t make friends nobody wants that. I have tried to fit in but it feels like I am being untrue to myself.
i like a lot of music but my favourite types of music would have to be jazz, blues, electronic dance music. Weirdly enough I think jazz and EDM are very similar in the way they are constructed. Blues is the dance to sing and dance to.
i don’t think today is going to be great I am so tried and I can’t sleep I nearly stayed up all night playing sims because it’s a good distraction. I want to sleep but I can’t.
thankyou for the hugs
hayley
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Good Morning Hayley
A big wave and hello to you Gadzooks and to you too Junior 412, it is great to have you on board and to come to share your story and to support Hayley too, that is just so wonderful and the very reason that this community is so powerful and so helpful, the love and joy of helping another and supporting others who need some care.
That is awesome that you went for a swim yesterday, I love going to the beach and I haven't made it there yet this summer but it is definitely on my list to do, it is so nice to be in the ocean and smell the sea and feel the crunchy sand under your feet....so wonderful.
I could not agree more in that art is such a personal thing and it can just be a way of expression and to get some feelings out on the page, no one is perfect Hayley and no one is coming to judge your art and to make you feel bad if it doesn't turn out as you planned it. I think that is the beauty of art that is can change and can form into anything that you like it to.
I hope that today is a good day and I am not sure what the weather is like but perhaps a walk on the beach if even not a swim might be really lovely for you??
I am so sorry that your dad's girlfriend is treating you like you are disabled, you are so very abled Hayley and I cant wait for your big break to come and it will, when you can shine and be among people that care and connect with you.
Huge hugs for you today Hayley xx
Love Sarah xxxx
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Good Morning Hayley,
To you too Sarah 🙂
I understand that need for perfection. I played a three hour show on the weekend and probably 95% was correct yet all I could focus on after was those few bad notes. I know that it is habit so maybe we just need to give ourselves a break and enjoy doing what we do? I can't agree with Sarah enough about The Arts being personal and a form of expression. Enjoy the process, enjoy creating things.
Do you know that I think being different to others is just what makes us human? I know that doesn't help and I can tell you feel like nobody understands you or likes you. I want to give you something to think about. I would really like you not to call yourself 'stupid'. I can see just from reading your posts that it is not the case. I think the word is entirely overused. Not looking both ways before crossing the road is stupid, but people aren't inherently so. You are so awesome and so clearly talented. Everyone is good at different things, I'm a teacher I see that every day and my Autistic students are some of my favourites to teach because of being able to help them and teach others to be accepting. I do this as I saw my sibling's difficulties as an Autistic student and wanted to create that inclusive environment. I don't think its fair that you're being treated like you're 'disabled'. You should be able to dictate what you need. Just something to think about Hayley, as being unique is not in itself a bad thing though I certainly understand the loneliness. You are not stupid!
I have spent so much of my holiday gaming, including The Sims! My psychologist thinks its great. I'm supposed to be on a sleep schedule but I gamed until midnight last night then read a whole book. I enjoyed it, just can't let it happen all the time. I've had serious insomnia for the past few months so my psych/gp have started me on a sleep schedule: I have to do particular things at particular times during the evening to prepare for bad. Maybe it is something to discuss with you psych? I find my mental health is so much worse when I'm not sleeping.
Happy Tuesday, off to play some Sims.
Gadzooks
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hi sarah
i guess i am okay today? same as always really housework and then spend time talking to myself. i am not looking forward to being left alone on my own the weekend, my dad and his girlfriend are going camping so as always more jobs and loneliness. i really hope that lady gets in touch with me soon, i am just getting older and older and i dont have time to waste. Like with anything i always have to make the first move otherwise nothing gets done, that's how much they care not one cent it makes me feel like i am a burden. i wish that my summer is fun i always see people having fun and no one is on there own only me it makes me look bad. Maybe if i move to somewhere else like even another country i would be happier i have been thinking about this for a while the problem is i am stuck, stuck with everything i dont know how i am going to get out of this mess.
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hi gadzooks
firstly i want to say 95% on the clarniet is a top job well done
secondly i am so jealous that you have talent and i hate myself for feeling that
thirdly, i dont know if i even like doing art to be honest what do i like just about next to nothing. i just dont get enjoyment out of it all i get is stressed so i havent been doing any. I just dont know, i really dont. Why do i do it in the first place? i think it comes back to wanting to be useful. i feel like i dont have a purpose yet.
I attract so many young guys its not funny, usually guys maybe 15 to 17 which is kinda annoying coz i cant get anyone else attracted to me. all they want is looks but looks are deceiving, for some reason most people expect me to be different then what i am so it puts them off. That's probably half my problem then with the autism. i dont get why i cant just look the same as how i actually am.
thats great that you like the sims as well i only just got back into it, i also like reading right now i am reading the chronicles of narnia which is quite good and also different from the movie. i dont see my pysch until the end of the month but i will tell her. the doctor isn't going to help he always thinks there's nothing wrong with me.
hayley