I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP

[Nellym]

ok, so I don't even know the best place to put this but here goes.

So I was talking to an online chat the other night about some of my issues and getting some advice. They asked if I had self harmed and I had said yes. I told them I was not suicidal and only used self-harm as a coping strategy when my other strategies don't work. Was asked if anyone was with me, I said my husband but he doesn't know about everything (he knows a little bit) and I am not ready to tell him. Said I was seeing a psychologist and that they know everything going on. They kept saying I need to tell someone and go somewhere for help. I kept telling them I was ok and didn't need medical assistance. They asked if they could ring me and I said not right now, I am happy to ring later on tonight when I am alone. So chat ended there.

20 mins later I have police knocking on my door saying they had a report of someone harming themselves and wanting to commit suicide. Well all hell broke lose. I spoke to them, they realised I was ok and did not need to go to hospital.

So now is the part I need help with. My psych is on 2 weeks leave so cannot get into contact. I have had to tell my husband more than I am comfortable with at this stage. I had already planned to sit down with him and my psych. together and let him know more.

Now everything is worse than ever. My anxiety is through the roof, has just increased my SH, panic attacks have doubled, my husband has gone all weird on me and now I never want to reach out and get help again in case something like this happens again. I feel so alone and don't know what to do anymore. The last 2 days have been hell and I feel like the little control I had has now gone.

[Quercus]

Hi Nell,

Waiting it out is the hardest part. I'm there with you (waiting waiting for an end to this slump). What is helping?

Keeping busy and not expecting much of myself. My goal is safety thats it. If that means the kids eat a lot of toasted sandwiches so be it.

Little steps Nell. One hour at a time if need be. You will get through this. Take good care of yourself please.

❤ Nat

[Nellym]

Hi Nat

Small steps is all I can take in this cruel waiting game. The nights and days are blending as one and sleep doesn't bring any relief, just more painful nightmares. My goal too Nat is safety and I am trying to fight this with every last bit of me.

Nell

[demonblaster]

Nelly sorry if I do know answer, are you talking to anyone face on/ ph/psych? Keep goin here as often as ya want & need you're gettin it out
Sounds like you went through some really hard stuff Nell listening let it rip darl you're doing well letting bits out crap needs an out
I'm learning depression. Slowly working on getting on top. BP (Bipolar) it's very deep hell long way to go but getting there
We've got fight in us

Sinking chook aye. Take charge you've gotta get back up
Hard logical self talk
You got this chooky . Believe. Gives us rope to pull up

[Nellym]

Hi DB,

I see a psychologist weekly, a psychiatrist every 3 weeks and GP every 2 weeks so have support around me. Do they help, I don't know but will keep turning up to appointments.

But another day is here so will just keep taking those baby steps and hope for the best.

Nell

[demonblaster]

Thx darl , sorry brains a bit fuzzy atm but ok.

good on you baby steps way to go. Not putting pressure on ourselves is a biggy

Hope todays better xx

[White_Rose]

Hello Nell

I keep apologising for not keeping up with you. I really want be there when you need someone because I know how hard it is on your own. I've had a tough time lately especially this week as my two GP are leaving the practice. They are most unhappy and I gather it is internal problems. Still that leaves me without a GP and both have been so supportive. Been with one for 15 years. I think they are far more upset than me because they are good doctors.

Good that you have that support round you. You need people who know and understand what is happening. Sometimes it seems these bad patches will never end which makes us feel even worse. When I broke my kneecap I knew that if I did certain exercises I would recover in so many weeks. Splint removed from leg, down to one crutch. They were measurable goals. If only it could work that way in depression.

Keep going my dear. Life will get better, just not at the time you expect.

Quercus haven't heard from you for a while. Is everything OK.

Mary

[Nellym]

Well it has been a long time since I posted on here but thought I would do an update.

Have had 2 hospital stays since my last post, one for 2 weeks and the last just awhile ago for 3 weeks. Looking back, both were needed as my safety was compromised severely.

All my meds have been changed and the new combination of meds seems to be helping more. My night meds are helping in getting me to sleep but still have issues of staying asleep and are still often woken by nightmares.

My SH is still highish, but has decreased since the last hospital visit so slowly improving.

So I am still going along slowly, trying to fight this MI one day at a time. Seeing psychologist weekly and psychiatrist every 3 weeks is helping at the moment. Am doing a course for my mental health too which hopefully will teach me to manage my mental illness better, especially in times of distress.

I hope everyone is travelling along ok and can see some happiness in their days.

Nell

[demonblaster]

Hey Nellym good to see you and thanks for the update ☺

Wow you've been doing it hard haven't you. So glad you have steady support, fantastic hearing some cracks of light coming through. Does sound like you're on the way back up, good on you.

Look after yourself Nell it's worth the time and effort isnt it. All the best with your course. Sounding like another move in the right direction.

Care 🌹

🕊

[Nellym]

Its been awhile since I have been on here and a long time since coming on this thread.

I am struggling to find reasons to continue this fight. I don't have the strength left in me. I try everyday to restart and try and think of it as a new day but my thoughts are down a bottomless hole that is dark and frightening. There are no more tears to shed.

I don't expect anyone to respond.

[Nellym]

I am self sabotaging myself. I am not taking my meds properly and making myself throw up after every meal.

Today I did something to sabotage myself even more. I have lost control of my myself.