I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP

Nellym · ‎15-09-2017

ok, so I don't even know the best place to put this but here goes.

So I was talking to an online chat the other night about some of my issues and getting some advice. They asked if I had self harmed and I had said yes. I told them I was not suicidal and only used self-harm as a coping strategy when my other strategies don't work. Was asked if anyone was with me, I said my husband but he doesn't know about everything (he knows a little bit) and I am not ready to tell him. Said I was seeing a psychologist and that they know everything going on. They kept saying I need to tell someone and go somewhere for help. I kept telling them I was ok and didn't need medical assistance. They asked if they could ring me and I said not right now, I am happy to ring later on tonight when I am alone. So chat ended there.

20 mins later I have police knocking on my door saying they had a report of someone harming themselves and wanting to commit suicide. Well all hell broke lose. I spoke to them, they realised I was ok and did not need to go to hospital.

So now is the part I need help with. My psych is on 2 weeks leave so cannot get into contact. I have had to tell my husband more than I am comfortable with at this stage. I had already planned to sit down with him and my psych. together and let him know more.

Now everything is worse than ever. My anxiety is through the roof, has just increased my SH, panic attacks have doubled, my husband has gone all weird on me and now I never want to reach out and get help again in case something like this happens again. I feel so alone and don't know what to do anymore. The last 2 days have been hell and I feel like the little control I had has now gone.

Quercus · ‎10-10-2017

Forums / PTSD & Trauma / How do others deal/manage their triggers?

Nellym · ‎10-10-2017

Hi Nat,

So the last few days have been hard.

Yesterday I got a call saying my Aunt had passed away from a suspected heart attack. Totally unexpected. I had just seen her last week and had planned to have lunch with her on Thursday this week. So that was hard news to take and sent my anxiety levels up high.

Then yesterday afternoon I had to see my GP. I hate her. I stuck with her because she knew some of my history but not anymore. I don't know where she got her degree from but I keep repeating the same things every time. You have got it written down, look it up.

Then she asked me about sleeping. I tell her I get next to no sleep, it's affecting me in everyday things, I have no motivation or energy to do anything at all. I tell her the tablets she gave me do nothing and is there anything else I can try to help me sleep. So her stupid answer is to print out a good sleep practices sheet. What, doesn't she think I haven't already tried all of them already. I told her I've tried lots of them, her answer, try them again. She said it's to do with the flashbacks. REALLY, I think I know that already, it's my brain.
Then she has the nerve to say 'you have been seeing the psychologist for awhile now, you should be getting better'. So supposedly I am just meant to magically get better. I was so close to telling her where she could shove her opinion. So stormed out of there (she knew I was annoyed) and then cried all the way home. So my own doctor ended up triggering me. I ended up having SH and SI on my mind and sat outside because there are too many dangers inside and needed to calm down. Obviously my doctor missed the lessons on mental health! That was yesterday.

So today, I had to go see a work cover psychiatrist for an assessment. Had major anxiety issues before hand and ended up SH. So got myself under control and went in there. Something I didn't want to do but knew I had too. The questions that were asked were probing and hard. Set my triggers off in front of him. Had a panic attack in front of him. Finally calmed down enough to get out of there and drive home.

So now I am ok, just mentally drained and exhausted. Need to sleep but know that I won't. Spent this afternoon looking on the net for a new GP because I am not going back to her!

I am hoping tomorrow is a quieter day. Have my psychologist tomorrow but he won't set me off, he does the opposite, makes sense of all my rambles and calms me down.

BTW, how are you?

Nell

Quercus · ‎11-10-2017

Hi Nell,

I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. That must have been horrible. I'm guessing you were close to your Aunt? How are you coping with the news?

As for your GP give her the boot! You can always request your medical records for a fee and give them to your new GP. Maybe ask around. I've always felt a personal reference was worth more when it comes to doctors.

Wow. You have definately had a tough few days. It's good that your psychologist is tomorrow. Apart from that what do you do to manage your MI? Mindfulness? Exercise? Maybe it's time to bump up the self care activities. What do you think?

Good luck tomorrow. I hope the psych session helps you and that he has some solid ideas for your safety plan.

❤ Nat

Nellym · ‎11-10-2017

Hi Nat,

I was close to my Aunt. She was my fathers sister. My father passed away 2.5 yrs ago so since then I kept in contact with her a lot more. She lived close to me too. I am coping ok, was hard to tell my kids however but you know kids, they seem to process it better than most adults!

Yes, my GP is getting the boot! To manage my MI I have a list of things that I do depending on how anxious I am, if its a panic attack, that sort of thing. So mostly I use the smiling mind app, 5 senses and breathing exercises, a muscle relaxation exercise, I have a script I read to myself.

My self care is very low, it is something the psychologist is working with me on, to try and be kind with myself. I struggle to do that and to remind myself that I can let people in. I am one that shuts out people to protect myself and also to protect them from my problems. I am a work in progress!! My psych session went well, my psych has a calming effect on me. I have his voice recorded on my phone which takes me through a relaxation exercise which I listen to a lot!

So that is me, but what about you! What brings you to this forum? (If you don't mind me asking)

Nell

White_Rose · ‎11-10-2017

Hello Nell

I too am sorry to hear about the death of your aunt, especially because it was so unexpected. It is hard to lose the important people in our lives. I take it you will attend her funeral. Can you make sure someone is with you to help you over the hardest bits. Saying goodbye is something we have to do but it is not easy. So if another friend or a family member will hold your hand, metaphorically speaking, I think it would be good.

If there is a gathering after the funeral I think it would be beneficial to attend. Use the time to talk about your aunt and remember all her little quirks, her kindness and all those things that made the person she was. It's good to talk about people and remember them in this way. It is honouring their lives.

I agree, ditch the GP and find someone worthwhile.

Mary

Quercus · ‎11-10-2017

Hi Nell,

"Work in progress" I like that 😊

I imagine having the psychologist's voice recorded would be very helpful seeing as you find talking to him "safe". Closing your eyes and imagining you are in his office in a safe environment. I like that idea.

Sometimes I imagine I am walking through my grandparent's garden in my mind. It is a peaceful and safe thought too.

I do have a thread in the long term section you are most welcome on (just be aware there will be triggers ... SI and abuse mostly). It's pretty long and I talk a lot about gardening 😊.

In a nutshell I took a long time to be diagnosed with depression. Started psychotherapy which has ups and downs. Am old hat with chronic pain and dealing with toddlers. And love lists and letters to myself 😊.

I hope this peaceful mood stays with you today.

❤ Nat

Nellym · ‎12-10-2017

Mary - thank you, I don't think it has sunk in yet but will on Monday at the funeral. I will have my hubby with me so will be ok on the day and have enough support around me. And yes, I am ditching the GP!

Nat - I did find your thread and have yet to explore it. When I am in a better head space I will.

Unfortunately the peaceful mood didn't stay. Am still dealing with some new flashbacks from overnight. The brain certainly has a way of making you take notice, in the most traumatic way possible.

But, I just have to keep on going, take my baby steps and try and make some sense out of all of this.

Nell

Quercus · ‎13-10-2017

Hi Nell,

How are you going with managing the flashbacks? Did you manage to work on your saftey plan at all?

I hope you're feeling ok today. Don't worry about my thread ok. I'm worried it will have a few triggers and now isn't the time to give yourself extra stress.

Do you have some relaxing plans for the weekend?

Nellym · ‎14-10-2017

Hi Nat,

Big 48 hours but I won't go into too much detail. Did some silly things, got myself into a bad situation and had CAT team out to my house yesterday. Which ended up being a good thing because I am getting the proper help I need now.

I am not going on your thread just yet!! TV and radio trigger me so am going to stick to threads that are safe!

Weekend is pretty full on, going to see hubbby's Nan who is in a nursing home. Haven't seen her for awhile since she lives 2 hours away but important that we see her. Then Sunday is taken up with kids sporting activities.

How are your going? Have you got a busy weekend or can you relax and get out in your garden?

Nell

White_Rose · ‎14-10-2017

Hello Nell

So sorry you got into some strife but it's great that now you are getting some proper help. It seems that sometimes we need to have a huge crisis before we get help. I hope this start you on your journey back to good health.

I find many programs on TV trigger me so I am quite selective what I watch, but even so something can pop up and I am away again. I love the radio which is on much of the time. I like classical music which is often instrumental so there are no words to set me off. It's all about meeting your needs and what you can tolerate.

I hope the visit to your husband's Nan gives joy to all of you. I know about children's sporting activities and the need to be in two places at the same time. Weekends were always a rush.

Mary