Hey J,
We all care for you very much and are here to support you. I too have cancelled appointments in the past, you're not the first and won't be the last. The important thing is that you reschedule and make every effort to attend. ni am also shit scared of deep water and paul summed it up well 'Yes it is awful but you must trust your doctors the same way as you trust yourself in deep water'.
I have been on these forums for a few years now. My issue has been pretty much the same the whole time. i have been encouraged to see a psych by many people here whom I do consider to be my friend as i know they genuinely care for me. I know they have encouraged me because they have been in my situation and realise the benefits of talking to a professional. I had seen one in the past but did not get much out of it but the door was always open for me to return. About a month ago i was struggling and went to see my dr where i just broke down in tears and we had a chat. She referred me to a psych who i have now seen twice. In those 2 visits she has made me realise where my low self esteem comes from and that I am a deserving person. That i do contribute to society and people that judge me have not walked in my shoes .We are now working on my thought patterns and why I think the way i do so I can overcome them. My next appt is in 3 weeks as she was booked out but I do have a dr appt next week for a follow up so that will see me through till the next psych appt. I too avoided seeking help and let myself sink deeper and deeper. At times i felt great but other times I was so sick with anxiety.
Jackson, my point is that you are not effing anything up but you do have the chance to make things better and have and enjoy your life. As you said, you have so many things good things going for you at the moment but you need some help dealing with the negative things that creep in and drag you down. I thought i could just do it all on my own as I have done for years, or that I was weak when i couldn't cope but none of that is true. A psych will will listen and help challenge your thoughts, they will help you look at things differently and give you way to cope with your thoughts. I know that Paul and a few others here are really proud of me for taking that step. I don't feel silly for not doing it earlier but i am glad i have done it now. you have already taken the step now you just need to put one foot in front of the other and continue because i know you want to feel better.
