I'm not managing so well anymore

Wednesday · ‎28-09-2016

I am finding it harder and harder. I’m told I’m positive and resilient and maybe I have been. I’ve managed with the help of AD’s to get through. Now I am so ill I can hardly get out of bed. I spend too much time in hospitals and around doctors. Yesterday I saw a public hospital doctor that seemed to take delight in making me feel like a nuisance. He smiled and made smart jokes with his junior doctor at my expense. He didn’t listen he was so horrible and rude. Too many health issues, too many medications and too many doctors.

I have such a little quality of life. While not suicidal now, I am incredibly sad and can’t see a way out of this. The medications I take for auto immune disease have destroyed and made unrecoverable my immune system. I knew this when I agreed to take them, but I didn’t realise that it would mean I would always have some sort of infection, like last week’s pneumonia. Of course antibiotics are no longer useful and I can’t develop any new immunity. A trip to a coffee shop can send me back to hospital.

My friends and children are lovely but dispersed and not close by. I don’t say a lot because well it’s bloody boring and I’m sure it is more than they all need to know about. There is nothing anyone can do. They try with their suggestions of a new exercise or superfood, this dosen't help. They don't listen, it's too complicated so I don't bother explaining. I get comments like oh yes xx had pneumonia and they are really well now. that's great for xx. Or if you follow this exercise routine your blah will get better. If only I could get to the gym I would be there twice a week. Or take magnesium etc, yep I know all this. I know they are flailing around and trying to help but it feels like they are out of their depth and just saying things that aren't helpful. I don't stop them or try to explain anymore. Over the phone they can't see me so its easy.

My partner is away and to self involved when he is here to understand what I am going through.

I’ve been so independent all of my life from when I was a child. I don’t know how to manage this, how do I get a life? I’ve tried joining classes but I end up getting ill and not being able to attend. Maybe this really is as good as it gets and all the doctors and medicines in the world are not going to make me well.

I guess that is the outcome that I need to come to terms with. I've always believed in quality over quantity.

I’m sorry, I just needed to get this out.

Guest_5218 · ‎22-09-2017

Dearest Ava.

Yes, its been a while - a little over 12 months in fact. You may have forgotten all about me perhaps? I note that you have moved on to a new thread since we last spoke, and it took me a while to locate you. Its been a difficult 12 months for me, and it seems it has been for you as well.

Oh no ........... I am so terribly sorry to hear of sweet little Happy's passing. Whenever I hear of other people's pets dying, I always think of my own. So of course I had a flood of tears when I thought of how you would have felt when the accident happened, and of your feelings of hopelessness under the circumstances. Words can never express my deep sadness and feelings of loss for you. Of course the curly one was a huge factor in your life, you dont have to explain that. Although Happy is forever irreplacable, perhaps one day you will find room in that huge heart of yours for another. Unfortunately the love and total devotion we get from our pets is a temporary thing only - they are merely on loan to us.

I am sorry to read of the mixed results from your recent operation. Not ideal obviously, but some improvement is better than none ... right?

I hope to talk some more soon Ava, and its nice to be in touch with you again after so long away. A big enveloping hug to you beautiful lady, and please excuse the many tears I have for the loss of your dear little Curly fellow. Remember my Holly? Being a very sensitive little girl she would sense your pain, and would try to snuggle up next to you and offer comfort in her own way as well.

Much love from

Sherie xx

Wednesday · ‎07-10-2017

thank you dear Croix. I have no words. xx

Wednesday · ‎07-10-2017

Thank you Sherie, I have nothing to offer but am pleased to see you back, no I could never forget you. xx

Wilma1 · ‎07-10-2017

Wednesday, you don't know me, but I've just been reading some of your thread and my heart just needed to reach out because I understand how much your curly one meat to you. I have a little one and understand. I know words mean nothing, but I'm feeling the pain right along with you. W💔💔💔

Croix · ‎07-10-2017

Dear Ava~

I don't have any either, I'm not sure it's that sort of thing.

All I can do is say:

Have a hug

Croix

Guest_5218 · ‎08-10-2017

Hi Ava, and thanks for dropping by yesterday. I was happy and relieved to hear from you. Nothing to offer, you say? Thats not a problem, just your presence is enough. I hope you are taking care of yourself and managing to find some good days amongst the bad. Anytime you want to talk or otherwise vent, you know we'll be here for you. There isnt anything I can say about the Curly One, and I know how much you'd be missing him.

Here is a big understanding and gentle hug to you dear Ava.

Sherie xx

Lost_Girl · ‎08-10-2017

Dear Ava,

So incredibly sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength xxx

Croix · ‎08-10-2017

Dear Carol (With a wave to Ava)~

I have not seen you for a while, how have you been getting on? No more ops needed I hope.

Croix

Lost_Girl · ‎10-10-2017

Hi Croix,

Nice to hear from you. While the op helped my breathing it didn't help the headache. I went downhill emotionally for a while there but thankfully with the help of my gp I found another specialist to try. This one is maxillofacial and within 5 mins he diagnosed the cause of the headache as TMD. I have an occlusal splint which is definitely helping. I also have a new physio and she is amazing. My pain has reduced from a 6 to a 3 and although it remains constant I have much hope. My physio says I am a mess, not just my jaw/face but my neck and back too (surprisingly my last 2 physios didn't find this). This physio is literally giving me my life back.

I hope you are travelling well Croix.

I am going to try and get back on here more and will post to my thread later this week. Just juggling being more active, school holidays that just finished and trying not to overdo it which is a bad habit of mine.

Cheers, Carol

Emmy. · ‎14-10-2017

Dear Ava I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love and hugs your way.

im sure you’ve read this but I wanted to send it you ...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....