I'm not managing so well anymore

[Wednesday]

I am finding it harder and harder. I’m told I’m positive and resilient and maybe I have been. I’ve managed with the help of AD’s to get through. Now I am so ill I can hardly get out of bed. I spend too much time in hospitals and around doctors. Yesterday I saw a public hospital doctor that seemed to take delight in making me feel like a nuisance. He smiled and made smart jokes with his junior doctor at my expense. He didn’t listen he was so horrible and rude. Too many health issues, too many medications and too many doctors.

I have such a little quality of life. While not suicidal now, I am incredibly sad and can’t see a way out of this. The medications I take for auto immune disease have destroyed and made unrecoverable my immune system. I knew this when I agreed to take them, but I didn’t realise that it would mean I would always have some sort of infection, like last week’s pneumonia. Of course antibiotics are no longer useful and I can’t develop any new immunity. A trip to a coffee shop can send me back to hospital.

My friends and children are lovely but dispersed and not close by. I don’t say a lot because well it’s bloody boring and I’m sure it is more than they all need to know about. There is nothing anyone can do. They try with their suggestions of a new exercise or superfood, this dosen't help. They don't listen, it's too complicated so I don't bother explaining. I get comments like oh yes xx had pneumonia and they are really well now. that's great for xx. Or if you follow this exercise routine your blah will get better. If only I could get to the gym I would be there twice a week. Or take magnesium etc, yep I know all this. I know they are flailing around and trying to help but it feels like they are out of their depth and just saying things that aren't helpful. I don't stop them or try to explain anymore. Over the phone they can't see me so its easy.

My partner is away and to self involved when he is here to understand what I am going through.

I’ve been so independent all of my life from when I was a child. I don’t know how to manage this, how do I get a life? I’ve tried joining classes but I end up getting ill and not being able to attend. Maybe this really is as good as it gets and all the doctors and medicines in the world are not going to make me well.

I guess that is the outcome that I need to come to terms with. I've always believed in quality over quantity.

I’m sorry, I just needed to get this out.

[Wednesday]

Oops Emmy that should have read Dearest not Ferest. I have no idea what Ferest is?? xx

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday~

The post you received on the 23rd following yours of the same day. Do not be disheartened. You might like to cast an eye over Sara's subsequent post.

Talking of dog tricks, the Zeppelin dog is immensely clever, sitting or coming without word of command whenever the fancy takes her.

Croix

[blondguy]

Hi Wednesday

If I can thank you for the caring and wise post you made to another thread.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for at all. Your post was spot on 🙂

That particular thread has been going around in circles for 12 months and is being reviewed by the moderators

Excuse me for being vague as violet re the lack of info

I lived in a house with rising damp (old mould) in the mid 1980's and my breathing was shocking until I moved out. It was a gorgeous ranch home on acreage and the damp caused spores which I was inhaling

I hope you feel better soon as you already have had so much to deal with

my kind thoughts

Paulx

[Wednesday]

Hello dear Croix,

Thank you for your post it is much appreciated. Zeplin is such a clever dog!

Hugs and pats for Zeplin

[Wednesday]

Groan... not Zeplin but Zeppelin dog!

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday~

Fret not - I never taught Zeppelin dog to spell, however tread warily around Nasty Cat, who will pick fault at every opportunity.

C

[Wednesday]

Hello dear Paul,

Thank you for you post and you kind comments.

I get some results tomorrow that should help clarify something at least, sigh. I'm pleased that you moved out of the toxic house and that your breathing got better as a result. Take care.

xx

[blondguy]

Hey Wednesday

No worries at all. I think its important that posters should be provided with the credit they deserve after taking the time and heartfelt care to post an excellent reply.......as you did on the other thread 🙂

The house was probably toxic but I was in my 20's and didnt understand....it was a gorgeous weatherboard on acreage...There was just a few places with black spots on the wall and the plaster was soft......That was 30 years ago....I didnt know what mould meant

I hope your results come back okay.

my kind thoughts for you W

Note: I really Love your Frog 🙂 (yes I am serious)

Paulxo

[Wednesday]

Hello dear Croix and Paul,

Croix: Ahh thanks for the Sumo warning, maybe yo can keep him away from my posts, which are liberally littered with typos and additions that my computer thinks need to be made. 🙂

Paul: The latest research on hold etc is pretty scary. I have come to the conclusion that it is all about the genes you get gifted with to how we react both physically and mentally. I'm not sure if I think that is a good or bad thing though.

I haven't heard how you are going of late. Last year was a rough one for you I so hope that great things are easier for you.

------------------

Question for you both if you feel like it that is...

How do I manage this situation. P came home yesterday in a grotty mood. He is unhappy with some of the choices he has made. Nothing seemed okay last night. We had dinner and watched a little TV. I tried to get him out of his mood with all my usual tricks, and failed. He said I always criticise him. I was stunned because to my knowledge I hadn't criticised him and am generally very supportive of him. I was told not to talk (we joke about talking in your head) I thought he was joking and made a silly comment and he said we weren't talking so not to talk. He does like to be centre stage and we had spent time discussing his issues previously, maybe I said the wrong thing there? He went to bed without even saying he was going too. I took a sleeping tablet but it was still an uncomfortable night. Now he is out for the day and may or may not come home for dinner before going out again.

I don't know what to do with this sort of behaviour. Previously I would have called and tried to make up somehow. I hate the no-speaky stuff. I would have talked about how this is not important and we can get through it etc. I have so little energy to deal with anything. Time now to leave for the doctors, oh joy, oh joy!

Are you able to give me a guys view of all this, obviously you only have my view. Oh he has GAD.

Hugs, xx

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday~

I've been thinking about your question since you posted it, and have one suggestion.

It's based upon what's the smallest, easiest, most attainable thing to do that could have a positive effect. Obviously I do not know that much, other than what you said (and the parts of your nature that leak though in your posts)

I suggest you have a pact with P to always -no matter what -have a kiss good night.

(The worth of this advice is probably reflected in its cost:)

Croix