I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Chicken_Wings]

I hope everyone had a positive weekend. I had some lovely moments and some not so lovely moments.

Managed to do some shopping and even when to a fair. I felt a bit sad on Sunday though. But it was still an ok day.

today I feel sad again and my head is a little foggy. I’m not thinking super straight. I have my psychologist appointment today though so hopefully that will help.

[Chicken_Wings]

I went to see my psychologist and I cried. It was nice.

She guided me through a mindfulness exercise which is meant to let you feel the sad or scared thoughts and be ok with it. Because it’s ok to be sad or scared.

I definitely felt better after going and have some new exercises to do this week.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Well done for going to see your psychologist today.. Awe it's okay you cried, and even better that it made you felt better. I have a Mental Health Nurse appoint tomorrow morning, the My psychologist appointment tomorrow afternoon.. I cry always but don't feel better, ( early days yet I think).

Thats Good about mindfulness excercise that's something that you can practice on and use it as a coping tool when you need it,.

Im happy for you CW, you are overcoming challenges daily..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

I hope your appointments go well. I think it’s important to cry when you feel like it. To acknowledge the feelings that make you want to cry.

Its really good that you are keeping on making steps towards getting better. It’s important to take pride in the progress you’re making, because I bet you are!

I plan to face some fears today and go and get a follow up blood test.

[Chicken_Wings]

Ugh, I went to the pathology place to get another test done and it was a different lady this time.

she could t find a vein in either arm and so went in my hand and it still didn’t work. So now my hand is sore and I still have to go back.

Its so hard being brave when stuff like this happens. I felt quite panicked when it happened.

[Chicken_Wings]

Well I’ve slipped backwards, which mympsychologist has said is normal.

I feel somewhat helpless today. I cried before I left the house and I cried in the car. I feel like this is never ending. I’m trying so incredibly hard, but this is so incredibly hard.

I had a good weekend I wish I was back there.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Awe sweetheart I'm so sorry that you slipped back down, but you will walk back up in no time at all, Slipping down is normal, but easier to get back up, you've got strength, to fight it, CW, it will end I know it's hard but we can get you back up..Don't ever give up sweetheart you can win this..

I'll sit with you tonight if that's okay and hold your hand, I won't let go, just lean on me I'll hold you up, until your strong enough to stand yourself.Not sure if you like hugs, I'll send you some just in case you like them.{{{🤗🤗🤗}}}.

Good Night CW.

I hope you have a deep sleep with peaceful dreams 🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊.

Grandy..

[Chicken_Wings]

Grandy, thank you so much.

I had a few happy tears reading your message last night and again just now. It made me feel less alone.

I had an ok evening, I felt some anxiety subside. I did some guided mindfulness when I woke up to get in the right frame of mind to start the day. I need to remember to keep that up because it does help.

I’m going to continue to try and beat this today by not focusing on how I feel every second of the day. I know I spend too much time in my head analysing things.

Im trying really hard

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Awe your never alone, I'm always here sometimes only listening, because I'm not in a suitable mindset to do so, but always here and have learnt to care very deeply for you, you are so special.

I ran my mindfulness vids nearly all night last night, not being tired, but I did get a few hours sleep this afternoon, so I'm feeling better, I'm pleased you listened to you mindfulness this morning, it's really a good way to start the day off, you are doing so well..

CW, have you checked out the mindfulness thread, it's really good with some good helpful advise and conversations that you can join in anytime you want to. I usually check it out and read it when it's been bumped up. Sometimes I will join in the conversation or ask questions. Maybe you can give this a try, only if you feel like it.

I haven't stopped doing things today and Sunday because there two anniversaries of a couple thing I need to forget if I think on them too much I will relapse for sure, so distraction all day for me, I hope I sleep tonight. Try not to spend time in your head sweetheart, if you find your heading that way try to think of something you like to do and then try and do it..

Have you got any plans for the weekend?

Either way I really want you to relax and enjoy these two upcoming days.

kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

I haven’t looked at the mindfulness thread. I will take a look and see if it feels good for me. Thank you.

Its good to keep busy and not get sucked into thinking about things. Just make sure you’re not relying on distraction too much. Imagine a wonderful day where you could acknowledge something bad and appreciate that it was hurtful but not let it take over you day.

Thats where I hope to be one day. In a place where I can honestly acknowledge that some thoughts and feelings make me uncomfortable but I am at peace with them and can carry on with my life without getting negatively interrupted.

I have to get up early in the morning as I am helping a friend. My mum is going for a weekend away so we can’t have our normal skype, but I have arranged to video my dad. I haven’t spoken to his face for a long time and I miss my family so it will be bittersweet.

I hope you have a lovely weekend Grandy.