I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Firstly , that's very good news about your mum.

you are making good steady progress, it's good to hear. I like Alphabetty on my iPad, it's a word game. I went to my friends on Saturday afternoon for lunch, it was hard but I did it. The Sunday lunchtime I had bad news that a friend of mine had passed away. She was elderly but we talked on the phone when we could. I'm going to miss her, but her heart was breaking for her hubby 6 months ago he passed away.

But im ok, I'm upset and sad but I'll be ok ok, Tuesday tomorrow Vinnies, Wednesday scheduled walk with mental health volunteer, Thursday home, Friday scheduled walk, so I'm busy this week.

My Pysch visit is now 8 days away. I hope mine goes better then the last one I had..

have a good night tonight,

kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

I’m sorry to hear about your friend Grandy. Don’t let feeling sad about that set you back, it is perfectly natural and perfectly ok to feel sad. It shows that you care.

Congratulations on visiting your friend for lunch. It might seem like a small thing, but next time it will be easier, then the next time easier again.

Great to hear you are doing some walking this week. Do you have some thoughts on what you might get up to on Thursday? Could you do some craft?

[Chicken_Wings]

I’ve been doing my new exercises each morning. The old ones were in the afternoon, so it’s a way to start off the day putting the focus on my improvement.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I slept quite well the night before and ate well.

I didn’t have a proper breakfast today so I had a bit of a hiccup before lunch today. But now I have eaten and hopefully will feel ok again soon.

I might go for a walk after work, will just wait and see how hot it is.

I feel like I’m improving, my boyfriend thinks I’m doing better. I feel more positice about my progress over the last couple of days.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Thank you for you kindness, CW it's so appreciated, it's hard not to go down when grieving a friend, only 6 months ago her husband passed, now her. So it's hard.. but I'm trying.

I was asked if I wanted to play darts every Monday for 4 hours. I used to play before with these women, but when I got sick and couldn't concentrate they dropped me from there team..It's not competition, it's only a the team. So why did they drop me? Hmmm not sure what to do here. I want to go because I like darts. But I'm a bit afraid if my emotions take over they will drop me again..

Good girl, for staring to eat better, you missed breakfast but you ate a good dinner.. I haven't known you long but you are making a lot of progress, you are going after your want, I think your bf can see that. Well done.

Kindness only,

Grandy

[Chicken_Wings]

It’s perfectly natural to grieve Grandy. Be kind to yourself and allow it to happen when you need to. Just try not to confuse it with your other feelings.

Do you think you’d be up to playing darts on a regular basis? For me the scary thing is at first making the commitment to being somewhere every week, just because I don’t know how I will feel at the time.

I would assume that these ladies weren’t sure how to be most helpful. They didn’t want to pressure you into doing something you were uncomfortable with (like turning up each week if you didn’t feel good).

A lot of the time people just don’t know what they right thing to do is.

The fact that they have asked you to join them again says they enjoy your company.

Are they people you can talk to about how you feel? Can you join the team and let them know how they can help you feel comfortable?

I had a pretty good yesterday. I’m waiting for some food I ordered for lunch and I’ve made more plans for this weekend.

My new exercise time in the morning is still working well, hopefully I can keep it up.

[Chicken_Wings]

I might get back into do my afternoon exercises too.

I feel tense this afternoon and I think keeping up the practice might be a good idea. I’ve got a couple of erands I need to run which I hope will occupy my mind.

Its times like right now that remind me that I have work to do.

I might have a little cry later and that will probably feel good to get it out.

[Chicken_Wings]

I think im doing ok?

this weekend I’ve tried to be active. Sometimes I felt completly “normal”.

I decided to go out on Saturday night and at one point got quite anxious. I had to go stand outside for a little while. I managed to go back inside even though my driving urge was just to go home.

Im glad I didn’t give in. I’m still trying to conquer my thoughts though.

I had another skype session with mum and did some painting.

I feel a bit sad tonight, I can’t say why.

[BballJ]

Hi Chicken Wings,

Apologies for my delay inbetween posts, I see you have had a long running chat with Ggrand which is great.

How are you feeling at the moment? Has the sadness passed or have you worked out why you were feeling a little down?

My best,

Jay

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Jay,

Im still a bit sad, I’m not sure why.

Im not getting the best sleep which isn’t helpful. I’d love to sleep the whole night through but I tend to toss and turn.

Ive woken feeling uneasy this morning. It’s hard to explain. I assume it’s anxiety but I’m not feeling scared, just low and with some unhappy thoughts.

Today is going to be a busy day and work which is a little scary, but I’m hopeful.

I know I’m making progress, I just need to keep working at it.

[cakeboss]

Hi chicken wings we all suffer anxiety in different ways .I myself have been travling along great and out of nowwhere my anxiety has flaired up.Im on medication cant handle stress very well .I dont blame you feeling the way you do with your mum very ill.Its your mum and you are trying to stay brave and not fall apart for her .Yea i have found that my anxiety is very high at the moment on edge and the nasea and not feeling like eating is making it worse.I have been back to my gp and got a counciling appointment this week.i wake up with nausea and feel shocking dr said anxiety and trying medication increase hope it passes soon for you and for me all the best feel free to right back .