I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Chris_B]

Hi HamSolo01,

Thought I'd reply here to your comments rather than offline, as this is a message that would be good for everyone to read.

It's good to read that you get why we moderate the forums the way that we do. What bears some further thinking is the responsibility that every member has when posting in a group space like this.

This is not a psychologist's office where you can share anything you like without having to think of the impact on others. This is a shared space where your words and actions do have an impact on the members you interact with - just like in real life.

Using your own vulnerable status as a way to absolve yourself of responsibility for upsetting others is not an excuse. We all have to take responsibility for the way we behave and the words we write.

In an online peer support community like ours, everyone posting is managing their own mental health while trying to support others. It would be unreasonable for us to expect that conflict or upset would never occur in this environment; as moderators we try our best to keep this to a minimum and satisfy the needs of everyone as best we can. Sadly, we are not able to please everyone all of the time.

Our forums can be a great support, but they aren't intended as a replacement for offline professional supports. Some people will find the forums helpful, others will not. Some will find that they work for a time but not any longer. We would always recommend that if you're not finding our forums to be a place where you feel you can be supported in your ability to manage your mental health, then stepping away to seek alternative supports is the best approach.

We won't be publishing any further posts regarding moderation of this thread, and we would now ask everyone posting here to return to the main topics of discussion please.

[HamSolo01]

hey all

just wanted to post this up

feeling particularly bad today... not sure what it is.. other than
the usual "i feel like i have screwed myself over heaps" mentality that
always sets in.

This week i have a careers info day on tuesday and also a potential interview on thursday for volunteering at something vaguely related to my course. I am okay with all of that because they are long term interests. But it's the short term that is bugging me the most. I don't exactly know what to do other than research stuff I can potentially do.

The money situation is bugging me and I don't wanna be put on unemployment benefits because that's just going to DEMOLISH my self esteem. The only thing I have really done is tutoring and that market is saturated with people with better test scores than me so I won't be attractive enough in that regard.. you need the marks not just the brains. It's weird because that actually makes me regret not studying harder in high school
- something that was 7 years back. Stupid I know but it's just the fact that it is there that bugs me.

I really don't know what to do and I think the reason it bugs me so much is that I'm not overly bothered by it.... is that bad? I think it is. I'm 24 and the more I see other people sorted out the worse I feel about myself. I mean
I am taking some steps towards progressing my life. I'm still depressed and anxious. Even though people might say I seem okay.

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Sorry you are feeling bad today, when we sit and think about everything and ponder on the what if's, it has a tendency to slow us down, I actually woke up this morning with a heavy chest and some good amount of anxiety, I didn't want to get out of bed, I wanted to stay there, I jumped on YouTube, watched a heap of clips, I watch things that upset me more to be honest, which may sound weird but I use it as motivation that I am not alone going through it, I then move to happier stuff and pick myself out of bed and try to get on with my day. It sounds like you have a bit of a busy week ahead, have you been looking at like SEEK to try and find any sort of job just to start earning money, have you thought just about a casual job in retail or anywhere that is kind of easy for you? It shouldn't take away from your long term aspirations but something just to simply earn some money and I would imagine with Christmas here, there may be some casual jobs available? Just a thought anyway.

My best,

Jay

[HamSolo01]

can't even land a volunteer role...

I'm honestly beginning to think I must do something wrong in the interviews...

I don't know what to do and I'm actually really bummed out about it...

Maybe I overcompensate i don't know..

It's shattered my damn confidence actually..

What the hell am I meant to do if I can't even get a job that's a volunteer position..

[Ulysses]

Oh I had the same problem! I felt so bad about it. Relieved someone else did too

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Have you asked them why you didn't get the position? Volunteer roles have also become harder to get because you want the right people in the right roles regardless of pay or not. I know it is tough but asking why you didn't is a step you need to take so if it is something that you are doing or saying wrong, you can correct it.

My best,

Jay

[HamSolo01]

hi jay

yes i replied and asked for feedback and he said i was a strong candidate

i just needed to know more about the internship and also that other people had experience/skills more directly related to the role

he said try to utilise the STAR method more as well so I'm gonna work on using a bank of examples with STAR methods

got something else to work on today (Sample writing piece for a think tank) so that's good

hope you are well jay

[BballJ]

Hi HamSolo01,

Thanks for the update on how things are going. At least you have some stuff you can focus on and work on. Have you been feeling any better?

Much plans for Christmas?

My best,

Jay

[HamSolo01]

Hi forum

havent been on here for a while now

Thought i would jump on and see how it is

[james1]

Hi Mitch,

Welcome back. How've you been?

James