I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[Chloe_M]

Hi smallwolf,

I'm used to nosey parents lol I don't mind... the more the merrier I guess

how was your day?

[smallwolf]

Chloe,

Up and down like most. Work still NEEDS me. That and I have to tell a customer that I am leave for personal reasons, vs telling them the real story.

Had GP visit today. Mainly doctor filling out forms and changing mental health plan. Then spent day at Uni. Then the work crap arrived. Possibly some unpaid research work there but not complaining.

Your day?

[Chloe_M]

Hi,

My day was pretty good. Saw a friend at the mall, we ended up getting free lunch because her sister woks at a Japanese place there! We then shopped for her best friends birthday.

Later I went a trampoline park with 2 other friends. Had loads of fun there too. Overall was a good day. A big improvement on the one before.

Ah in my previous post I sounded so ignorant... "I'm used to nosey parents..." Yuck. Sorry that must have sounded really bad.

Milly, smallwolf it's the weekend tomorrow! Got any plans?

Chloe 🙂

[mg24]

Hey 🙂 well I have an AFL dinner tonight with my team and I have two sport matches on Saturday and Sunday. How about you?

[Chloe_M]

Hio 🙂 no don't think so. Saw my friends which was fun. I fell asleep on G's couch, my best friend had to wake me up lol.

[mg24]

That sounds really fun! I almost feel asleep in class yesterday I was so tired 😂 the dinner last night was kinda bad. I tried to talking all night and a majority of the time people cut me off, or ignored me or didn’t hear me at all. We all went outside later and I literally just stood there. One of the few friends I actually do have (who I’ve known since prep, although our relationship is challenging sometimes too) has something going on with a guy from out AFL club and I tried to be a part of it with her and she just blew me off. I felt so out of place. And being100% honest she is really really tomboyish and itsnt the prettiest girl (this sounds terrible it’s just hard to explain if you haven’t met her sorry!) but I feel like if she can have a thing with a guy (as well as a second liking her) and I can’t... I’m just never going to. It feels like every thinks I’m not the effort. I say chats on Snapchat no one replies. People say swipe up for tbh so I do and they leave me on read. People don’t follow me back on Instagram. I have one guy friend. I’m The backup person for when people can’t come to parties. I’m so sick of being surrounded by these people. A part of me as well, keeps thinking that if my parents moved us to England I would make lots of new friends. It sounds stupid I know but I feel like I may as well be honest on here. I don’t want you to think I’m exaggerating either, I think at this point you kind of know if what your saying is true or not.

Have a good weekend 🙂

[Chloe_M]

Yeah was great. Had a bit of a panic but my best friend came over and asked me if I was ok. I said yes. Her just looked at me and said no your not. Then he hugged me for ages lol and I almost fell asleep again 🙄😊

yes a lot of classes are snooze worthy. It's okay saying she's not the prettiest- we aren't going to judge you for thinking that. If she has two guys going for her, think deeper. Is it her personality?

I text my friends and they don't reply... But I feel like this is different. And don't say you'll never have a guy liking you- I thought the same thing. But there's someone for everyone. And you're worth the effort. And if no one at your school can see that, then they're blind. And dumb. Because I can see it. And many others on BB forums can too 💖

I don't think you're exaggerating. You're saying how you feel. and that's something a lot of people don't have the mental strength or courage to do. Hats off to you 👏👏🎩

I'm having a great weekend so far. Today's a high day I think. Haven't had one in about a month so be prepared for some hardcore hyponess 😋😆

hope you're doing okay xx

chloe 😄

[mg24]

Hey cloe! Are you okay from your panic attack? What caused it ( if you don’t mind me asking) your best friend... is that the guy you were telling me about? Have you two patched things up?

Not being the prettiest I understand, real people look past that. It’s her personality that confuses me. She talked like a guy always saying homie and bro and stuff, it’s not even tomboyish it’s more like is just a guy. It’s kind of hard to explain.

Thanks for saying that cloe, it means a lot 🙂 maybe they are dumb, but I don’t want to have to just live with dumb people for three or fours years. I’m not sure what to do 😶

thanks for understanding ❤️I’m glad things are looking up for you xxx

[Chloe_M]

Yeah it wasn't even a full on panic attack. It was an almost panic attack. And I'm okay now. Go ahead and ask any questions you want to, I don't mind in the slightest! I was very anxious that morning and we were supposed to be doing our assignment but instead we were watching Monty Python's Life of Brian, which is hilarious but I freaked cuz we were supposed to be doing work. And the 5 others in the group didn't do anything to oppose watching tv.

Yeah that's him. My ex/best friend. We've sorted our crap. We still like each other. Life's really weird lol. But I'm used to it 😋

Yeah that would be confusing,my friends and I call each other bro but only because we make fun of the 'popular' guys, they sound so dumb saying it. But I get it.

haha you're welcome! Oh well, we all have to deal with dumbos don't we, maybe you have just got an extra dose of them.

You're welcome again for understanding 🙂

you know on other threads people mistake me for being much, much older. Maybe because of the way I write, or of how observant I am. I don't know. I have more maturity and I reckon you would to than your average 14 year old. We've been through hell and back.

xx have a good nights sleep, catch ya later 🙋🏽

chloe 💛

[mg24]

Hey. I freak out about school too. Like if the bell has gone and my ‘friends’ are still talking I get seriously stressed about being late. Have you seen Monty Pythons silly walks video? 😂 that’s cool you and your friend sorted things out, I hope you get back together ❤️ Thanks. I don’t think I’ve had it as bad as you, but thankyou anyway, I guess it’s been harder than some people I know. Have a good sleep 💞