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I can't find the right place for me to post
I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.
I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.
I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?
I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.
I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.
So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?
In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.
I will always reply, its a pity but sometimes it takes me longer to write than I might like, which does not mean lack of care.
"A writer is someone who has taught his mind to misbehave":)
That fact that person said how much I'd done was a complete surprise, you could have knocked me down wiht the proverbial feather. I guess we can't always estimate the effect we have, and if you are like me, tend to assume the worst.
Your son is lucky to have you.
Any more tournaments in the offing?
Questions aren't so dangerous. The answers might be though!
Seriously, though, you, & your son, the kids & even his 'ex' - you'll all live through this. Yes, it's worrisome a difficult time & you naturally feel you want to help, but know there are limits to what you can do. Being a caring & supportive mum is the one thing you really can do.The things your son can do will be things he has to work out, with the counsel He will recieve.
&, by the way, common wisdom says it's only the lawyers who are the winners of divorce through the courts. It's very unfortunate & costly if either partner cannot compromise & negotiate any agreements with their ex.
You can also be supportive towards the kids, no matter what age they are. You can be there to listen to them, to encourage them to talk about how they are feeling & coping with the changes to their lives.
I'd advise, whatever you do, don't bad mouth your son's ex or her family, especially when the kids can hear what you say. That goes for him too, even more so.
Not sure what else to add, except, this will not kill you, it's not hopeless, & you are not helpless. This is a time to be strong, to be there when he & the kids needs more emotional support than they usually do. Yeah, you do have to put on a sunny face to give others hope & to lift their spirits. You can do that.
& in turn, we'll be here to support you.
Yes there is....will keep you posted.......
Croix.....this is a reply to Croix' last question to me...in case this is placed wrongly in the column....
"Yes there is"
I wonder if anyone else can resonate with this about "Memories" or is it just me? There used to be a thread called Post Your Happy Memories Here...and I explained on there why I never posted. I just couldnt see the point because when I recall a Happy Memory..it makes me feel terrible...so so lonely,melancholy and depressed. Its not just when I recall Memories when my partner died not that long ago ....but thats what well meaning people said...."Take comfort in all the happy memories"....Whaat! What comfort? Whenever I remember them I feel like dying because they are GONE....Never Coming Back, Finished Forever...No, sorry no comfort there at all.
It's not just a death.....I feel this way at other happy memories too..from my youth, childhood, when my sons were little kids, and babies, fabulous nights out, great laughs with friends, loving relationships with guys etc etc...all in the past...all gone....finished! Sorry Moonstruck....no point in dredging the memories up....they 'll just make you feel a million times worse!!!!!! Can anyone else truly say that their Happy Memories make them feel good?? Because that doesn't work for me at all.....any insightful, intelligent, opinions on this for me...anyone?
Memories are the stories of our lives, what we tell ourselves, what we tell each other, they connect us with the places & events & people of our lives. I think having a lot of various sorts of memories would make for a greater sense of having lived a full life.
But, indeed they are complex. Not all my happy memories cause a welling oup of happy feelings. I don't have a lot of those that do.
Most of my memories are even more complex now than I thought when I was in my twenties. They can bring up sadness & grief, embarrassment, guilt, longing, old frustrations & anger, Some bring up new anger & outrage on behalf of my younger self being mistreated.
The small, happy memories, like when the double bass player began to play the first of Bach's Cello Suites, in the tiny lift at the uni, where I went to hear students playing in concert & recital, is one not tinged with sorrow or pain atall. It was a marvelous couple minutes. It was a slow lift. the following two hours feeling I could burst with joy because of what I'd heard him spontaneously play for me. That memory is as a living. prettg memory in my mind.
Sure the time he was playing ended, the hours after ended, I went home after the recital I also heard that day. All of that is in the past, but living on in my memory. What I recall may well be a faded version of what happened that day, yet it is still something which brings me pleasure to recall.
I still enjoy hearing the Bach Cello Suites played by someone such as Yo-Yo Ma. Thinking of those is a pleasant experience too, calming & I would love to play music like that for anyone, or just for being able to...*sigh*
Dear Moon (with a wave to MK)~
That thread Store Your Happy Memories Here is still on the go, if a bit slow., and I remember your explaining why you did not post.
It brought home ot me the difference between people. I can look back on some things - mainly from my grandparents - and take pleasure in them . This does not mean everyone can. For some, and I rather suspect you may be one of them, old memories do not bring happiness as they are overlaid by unhappiness or greif.
The only real answer is the experiencing of new pleasurable experiences that tend to push those memories away - at least for a while. Perhaps at the time you receive applause for a particularly fine bowling effort -then for that moment sadness and loss are banished - I do hope so.
I'm sorry one of your favorite movies, Moonstruck, which gave you please in the past now merely emphasizes the distance between then and now.
"If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. but if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly."
Oh Croix....of course the satisfaction of a well played game is incomparable....thats why I do it....it increases all the "feel good" hormones,the ones I wish we could go to a chemist and buy a bottle...like adrenalin. Its produced naturally in the body so why the hell can't they bottle the stuff! For that time I'm playing..my focus is on that moment only, perhaps a few seconds later to be aware of anything unexpected happened.....but otherwise totally "In the Now" I has to be. regrets about yesterday, anxiety about tomorrow disappear completely........I like your bit at the end about the feast and understand that.
I guess if I thought more about it.....my moments "in the game" are still Happy Memories. They don't make me feel worse, but that's the only Memory type I can think of.....Its immortalised in photographs at the time...my face reflected absolute joy, as if I'd climbed a mountain. The delight in my smile is genuine and looks as if it would last a thousand years! So there you go....you have unearthed at least one, only one mind you.....memory that doesn't make me sad. Lets raise our glasses to my next one which is happening soon is a similar success!!
Cheers to your success, Moon!