I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

Yes Croix my darling friend.....It went well thank you...didn't make a fool of myself, many kind remarks afterwards so all was well......some of my friends, acquaintances are really nice people.  I am lucky I guess...hope they like me too .........

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'd delighted (but not surprised) it all went well, and I can't see you making a fool of yourself under any circumstance really. I'm sure your friends are a pretty good bunch too - plus what's not to like?.

I"m sure the following quote is way off:)

"I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.“

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Croix....at present I seem to be obsessed with the "after life"....what is there, what happens?  are the people still existing somewhere and can see us etc?  I want to KNOW....proof, I guess I am saying.....is this asking too much? You must watch "After Life" with Ricky Gervais on Netflix...not actually about the "after life" I was mentioning...but getting through grief , quirky friends, thoughts of suicide etc....I am a devoted fan of his ever since, it is an absolute gem, written and directed by him.  The dog that plays the part of his dog is not a trained acting dog, but a rescue dog.  Ricky is passionate about saving unwanted dogs....very impressed with him.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Moon

I am glad to hear your award night went well. Getting up & speaking is a challenging thing for  many people. Even though you were nervous you got up & spoke. Well done!

Does it amaze you how kind & generous these people, friends too, are in their support & appreciation of you? I think it's high time you looked at yourself like they do & see the worthy wonderful woman you are. I also include courageous, in the face of your anxiety.

As for pondering the 'big questions', I think you have arguably, have picked the biggest. It seems certain to me, nobody can give us the answer, because by the time they have the answer, they are in no position to tell us. Well, I for one, am very skeptical about anyone claiming to have knowledge of any 'afterlife'.

Besides which, I am inclined to think the life we are living is the one we can do anything about now.

Yeah, Croix, who was that quoted from? Was it from the Netflix show? I don't have Netflix, or any of the subscription channels.

I had found it comforting to imagine people I'd cared about, including someone I'd only known briefly, being somewhere able to watch over their loved ones, imagining there is something like a physical link keeping people connected.

This idea was rather like how I felt my former best friend was always somewhere out there in the world, & I could still send her my love.

I know imaginings like this were something I did to cope with losing her. My problem was that the illusion broke down when I learned she had died & I hadn't felt, in my 'soul' (if you will), that she was ill or anything. I couldn't pretend anymore.

I've never had religious, feelings or beliefs. That does put me in the uncomfortable Position of not knowing or thinking there is no after life, & we are totally mortal. Our lives ends when the body stops; all brain function, heart & lung function, wen all of that stops & our brains no longer get enough oxygen to function, our thinking, feeling & finally consciousness ceases,

& what remains is what we have already given to the people around us, to the community, to the future. That's our afterlife.

I've heard it said that we live on so long as one person remembers us.

you've given your grandkids memories already. I expect they will talk of you to other people in their turn.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

As mmMekitty says, you certainly ask hte big questions. I'm confused on the subject and have reached no conclusions at all.

Many peple feel comfort at hte idea of an after-life and less of a break wiht loved onnes. That is worth a lot.

Talking of movies etc, I was surprised to see Bruce Willis hanging up his obligatory machine gun and tarnished cop badge to assume the role of a psychologist dealing with a young patient who belies he can see ghosts. "The Sixth Sense" (1999). I enjoyed it.

mmMeKitty, it was Oscar Wilde who also said:

"Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose."

Quite wrong of course, you only have to ask them:)

Croix

[quirkywords]

Moon

I find people who believe in an after life can’t fThom people who don’t.

not sure how you would get proof. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Leah 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Moon, Quirky & Croix

I think that goes both ways, Quirky, at least so far as my experiences when talking to people. Each seems unable to fathom the other.

Equally proof is what we ultimately experience, or, indeed, not ..  

Faith is not supposed to require belief. 

A skeptical person like me, would love evidence to prove what actually will happen. Evidence, so far, only shows what happens to the physical parts of ourselves.

& we haven't even touched on the idea of reincarnation, karma, & such.

Practically speaking, I think I can wait to find out in due time.

*

& Croix, I think I am here to 'stir the pot' a little, to keep you from becoming too settled, & complacent, to keep you on the tips of your flippers ... & to make an modern art installation of your iceberg. That's a lot of purpose for one LRC!

*

What are you thinking, Moon?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Moonstruck]

Dear everyone...that's a dangerous question to ask me at the moment mmMeKitty.....I am sorry I haven't posted for seems so long...I am still alive folks, but my soul is weary and my body is so exhausted with all the work my brain and heart is doing.  Try to cut as short as I can, my son is going through marriage breakdown.  He has been unhappy, lonely and unloved in a marriage with no affection for a lot of years now...valiantly working on to support his family and has 2 children.  He had been waiting until the younger was in high school before making a move. I am sick with worry...he will lost such a lot financially...sorry ladies, but I am so sick of "man haters" and the Family Law system still seems to favour the woman...no matter what. both my sons are honourable, honest and loyal men, hard workers, generous and kind.   they need love too.  

He is in his early 40s so what does he do?  Stay in a loveless, sexless marriage to avoid all this separation, property settlement horror....and perhaps regret not making the move when he is in his  60s?    Yes it's really happening...solicitors are chosen, his wife is deciding to play as vicious and dirty as she can, whereas he was prepared and longing for an amicable arrangement, more then generous on his part.   No Matter...he is a man, she is a woman whose husband wants to leave her....so he automatically becomes the "bad guy"   Except he isn't.   

It is killing me with anxiety. I am helpless. but my mother's instinct wants to run in there and "fix it"   do it for him, write the letters, say the right words etc....all I can do is "be here" and listen and love him.....yes the panic attacks have returned.  I can't sleep.....and don't eat...can't be bothered......the ugliness goes on.  It feels like it is happening to "me" yet this is someone else's journey, his pain,not mine.    I carry it with him.  I don't know how to put it down and keep living myself!       I am a mess.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

There is no doubt your son is going though a terrible time, and that is reflected in your thoughts. As you say you would love to be able to 'fix' everything, though you have the wisdom to know he is the one that has to face it all direct - and live with it

You do have role to play, even if it seems less than you might imagine it is not. You are the person who supports, loves and is a source of respite. For your son to have that is a wonderful thing. True it does not fix his situation, but it can give him the strenght to cope, both now and in the long term.

I remember when a close family member was in great and continuing distress I tried my hardest to provide every day a voice of support and encouragement. At the time I was frustrated and felt I was doing a lousy job that had no real effect. Years later that person told me it was only my attention and love that kept them going and the job I did was a source of comfort, perspective and strength. It came as a real surprise.

Please do not underrate yourself Moon

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Thank you!  I knew you would reply..it meant a lot to me...Moon S