I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Moon - You certainly did! 😺

Please try to not rush right into another anxiety - give yourself some time to appreciate how well you overcame the challenge of planning this trip. It's really not easy for many people.

I like the idea PAWS had, to break down the larger task into small bites. (One smart pup,is Paws, eh?) I imagine that could work for other things you want to achieve.

& your own idea - how good was that?😺 I would have thought most people would freeze at the thought of planning & making calls in front of so many people. Cam you describe how that works for you? 

Hugzies & congrats!

mmMekitty

[Moonstruck]

mmMe kitty...re lots of people watching...I was having a joke with Croix 're the activity I am involved in...and always a success at...it involves many onlookers and is my secure and confident place. Can't give too much away I am afraid...xx

[quirkywords]

Moon
I am so proud of you. 
it will go well and you are not alone. 

[mmMekitty]

No worries, Moon. 😺

Wishing you well.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'm delighted the planing is now behind you, and was thinking how resourceful you were, imagining perhaps the audience at a bowling tournament and using that energy and experience.

Now all that remains is to enjoy the results of you labours

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hi friends...would you believe after having all my travel plans done which I was so anxious about as explained in earlier posts...couple of days ago got email from Travel Agent, saying the well known airline ..."the" airline we all know and"used to"love had rescheduled my return flight home....no reason, just felt like putting me on another one that leaves at a time I cannot make!    I can't get to airport by that time.   

I panicked of course, felt so scared. waited until travel agent opened, they said they'd change me to a time that suits better.....but still major inconvenience from the original arrangements I made and thought done and dusted!!

they said this airline is doing it all the time....it throws me out terribly plus my family members I am visiting for my birthday, getting me to airport in major city in time...getting home much later which means I have to leave my pet in care motel for an extra night!!    I had no choice but to accept the later time. I couldn't cancel just one leg of the trip or would lose all my money and have to start from scratch. 

I couldn't believe I managed to keep relatively calm and composed when in the travel agency when inside it seemed like a disaster!   Who is this "person" I turn into when I have to?   Why couldn't I just be honest and show my true feelings, which was like wanting to burst into tears and scream"someone help me...I can't do this...my anxiety is thru the roof...Help Me!".....but no, this "other person"just sort of took over.

Please don't let any more disruptions like this happen before I get away....I haven't seen my son and grandkids for so very long and don't want to spend my birthday alone!   and will my pet be OK? I am worried he will be very stressed being away from me...now for an extra day, thanks to airline...will he be OK?  

[mmMekitty]

Hi Moon,

I'm sorry to see so much disruption around your travel plans for your Birthday. (Happy Birthday - no matter what!). I can't explain that company except, like so many, it's about what works best for them.

As for the way that when out in a public place, as you were, & I have been too, I think it is partly social expectation & our own dread of humiliation or embarassment that keeps us in check. I've discovered, I can still show nothing of my anxiety & other distress, most of the time, even now. I thought I'd lost all my self-control.  I was comparing to how I thought I was before that few months when everything seemed to fall apart for me, & I began having all sorts of emotional responses I felt unable to control.

I used to do that to hide & feel safe. The social consequences seemed both awful & very likely. I had not grown up thinking any kind response was genuine, & more likely I'd have a judgemental & shaming response, so I hid.

So, yeah, I think it's social expectations, something like being like everyone else & a by-product of fears & thinking people will judge us as 'weak', 'over-emotional',' 'over-reacting', & our own anxieties causing the idea that. for example, the shame will be so bad it will be unbearable, or if you cry, you will become a blubbering mess, all red, & shaky, & unable to stop, & if you scream, you will also not stop, & scare everyone... something like that? Is it something like that?

& with all the thoughts & feelings going on, how easy is it to not consider the possibility that some kind & compassionate person will reach out to you to try to help? It's a possibility, right?

I'm sure the staff at the care hotel will do their best to settle your pet & keep them from stressing too much.

I hope you can relax about the new schedule, & enjoy your holiday, family & Birthday.

Hugzies,

mmMekitty

[Moonstruck]

Thanks mmMekitty......a new airline, cheaper than the main one which has had the monopoly on our regional city for years...can do what they like etc...begins soon and flies at a better time and also cheaper, so I am in process of coming home on that one...I will lose money on my cancelled fare but can't see any way around it....it has been awful...but...this bothers me, the way I have been or not been coping with it.

first thing every morning, every morning, I wake up immediately overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and feeling I just want to cancel the whole lot...forget it!   This short travel is something I've done heaps of time, and now is like a trip to space....working out all the details....it's burying me...is it worth it to go away at all?

well yes of course it is...it is my birthday and haven't seen my grand children for ages, and want to spend it with people I love...like my son.   Is it old age that I am finding the details and organisation so insurmountable.   

could somene please advise me whether to go, or give up altogether and just stay home here on my own.

when friends find out its my birthday they'll arrange something but I don't want that!!!    I'd be too regretful that I wasn't with my family!!    I feel trapped.  I want to visit my councellor but care plan has run out and my GP is on holidays...I have an appointment with her in couple of weeks to extend my plan as I desperately need to talk to someone about this.

also tempted to ring BB phone for support, but it seems too trivial.  I am drowning here in a sea of fear and uncertainty and indecision.  what has happened to me?

that airline, the most well known in Australia has a lot to answer for, the disruption to people, families, health,all sorts of things, when they cancel or rearrange flights and assign you to another one you can't comply with, loss of money, it's horrible for anyone with a mental health condition....like me at the moment......thank you for replying to me mmMeKitty.....hug from me too......

[Sophie_M]

Hi Moonstruck,
 
We can see that you are getting lovely support from mmMekitty, but just wanted to chime in quick. We read that you are wanting to speak to a counselor but feel that you concerns are too trivial to contact. There is no such thing, anything that is bothering you, of concern or just an issue that has you worried we are here for you.
 
It sounds like all this planning does have you overwhelmed, and you shouldn’t have to make all these decisions without having a chance to talk to someone, let us help you.
 
Please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or through Online Chat 24/7. Please don’t feel you have to do this alone. As you said, things may become more daunting as we get older but there is always a comfort in talking it out with someone you can trust.

Warm regards
 
Sophie M

[Paw Prints]

Hello Moon,

"could somene please advise me whether to go, or give up altogether"

May I say definitely go... being able to be with the people you love in person would be so wonderful that I truly believe you & they would be heartbroken if you didn't go.

It is horrible how that airline now behaves to it's passengers... they used to be so reliable... I'm glad that you have another option for coming home... 

Lass as I know I've said before... you are not alone in finding organising things much harder than they ever used to be... I don't know if it's because of my mh, because I'm getting old, or because of how the world is these days... or a combination of all three... but I find that what I once found simple to do now is fraught with worry... especially travel... even something as basic as the 3 hour drive to see family or catch up for lunch with old friends...  I often ask myself is this outing really worth the worry... once I am with those people I can always answer yes... I'm sure you will too.

You can & will manage this lass... & no it's not too trivial to call the bb helpline about... the anxiety, stress, worry is real & the bb helpline is there just for this sort of thing... someone to hear us & help us get back some control of our spiralling thoughts. 

Woofa & I will keep our paws & fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for you from now on..

Hugs

Paws