I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Moonstruck]

Stressless.....thank you for being there. By sort of chance, I did run into a cousin today...and he was just going for a drink, asked me to join him. Which I did..(soft drink for me unfortunately, the way I was feeling I could have drunk a whole bottle of scotch!......It did sort of calm me down somewhat I have to say....just getting out of the house and making an effort to see the human race, such as it is, was still going on around me.

It's hard though.....why does it have to be so hard? And why do bad things sometimes happen one after the other, on top of each other? Why don't we get time to heal before the next one? I don't know if I will ever get back to being "me"again.....the me who smiles, who has fun, who genuinely enjoys herself, who gets delight and pleasure...... I think I have lost "her" forever.

[CMF]

Moon, I wish I had an answer to your question about why does it have to be so hard. I wish I could help you, sit with you, be with you. I'm glad that seeing your cousin sort of calmed you a little. Any more 'bowling" tournaments coming up?

you need to check out the 'bouquet for pearls' thread.

cmf x

[Lost_Girl]

Dearest Moon,

I wish I had an answer for you too.

I find when I feel most lost, trying to do things, that feel inherently like "me", can help. For me it is art and reading, watching theatre or writing. Perhaps bowls will help you a little. Maybe think about more things that may help you find your happiness again.

I am so sorry to read about your hardships. Sending you a big hug xx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Moon,

I'm very sorry about your pet- not knowing must be very painful because there's no closure. You sound very disheartened and emotionally exhausted. I don't have any answers either...I just think sometimes life is hard and sometimes bad things happen for no rhyme or reason. It's a mad, sad world sometimes.

Hugs and kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Moonstruck]

My lovely friends...good to see you again Lost Girl. ( I did try what you suggested....i failed...they didn't want me...I was shattered!)

you're right Pepper..I am emotionally exhausted. I can't break down in front of just anyone either..e.g. the Pilates Instructor, such a lovely guy, the other women so nice...the class so well done. I smile and chat. In the car going home I began to cry and say over and over "someone help me, please please.....Jesus, God, whoever's there...(names of friends who had died etc)...please help me get thru this". It's been a while now...and I am STILL not "over it". I am weak. Others get over grief faster than this. No one of my family has died or anything.....I am gutless.

I am visiting my adorable grandkids in a couple of weeks. I don't want them to pick up on my sadness. They deserve me at my best. When I give my son the first hug Hello....I will break down and cry....that is for sure...it's a given....no point even trying not to......his arms around me will be enough...I won't be able to hide my feelings from him....but I have to be fun around the children.....I'll want to hug them and never let them go...they don't deserve a weak grandmother who cries.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Moon,

I don't think you're "gutless" as you put it. You miss your pet immensely...his/her unknown fate makes it more difficult in many ways...like maybe you're not sure if you should be mourning or not. Besides, grief and sadness isn't restricted to only confirmed deaths...

Yes, cry into your son's arms. It sounds like you need a good cry and he would be a willing shoulder. Your grandchildren must be very precious to you; you clearly love them very much.

I know you want to "shield" them from your tears. But can I just say if you cry in front of them, it's okay...crying in front of them won't make you "weak" or any less of a person. They're young but they won't "break" if they witness your tears. Be extra kind to yourself and let the tears fall if need be...there's no shame in human emotions.

Hugs and kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You know this already but I'll remind you. I was born in the late 40's in England in a family and society that did not allow men to show emotion - or rather anger, impatiences and so on was fine, crying and similar was defiantly not. None of the 'weaker' emotions as they were seen at the time.

A totally unrealistic and artificial view of the world. Stiff upper lip does have its place, but so does honest emotion and feeling.

For your children and grandchildren to see you upset is very necessary, not just so you have an emotional release, but for their sakes, so they have a real view of the world. If all is hidden from them how are they going to know how and when to cry? How are they going to know how to offer sympathy and caring for someone who is crying?

Be your honest self and all will be fine.

Croix

[Guest_3712]

Hi Moonstruck

Have seen u on other threads but came back here to catch up .

I can't imagine your pain at not knowing what has happened to your furry friend- they are such a huge part of your life.

My little fur baby- dog 🐶 is nearly 9 so I know her time is limited and just the though of her not being with me is inconceivable- but not knowing is so much harder.

Dont think you have to conform to anything Moonstruck you grieve or not , as long as you need too and in no way does that make you weak.

On a lighter note how the hell can you be a grandmother?

I thought I usually have a good idea of how people here may look etc but you totally blew me away- no way did u seem old enough to have grandkids

The way you talk and your outlook on things , so not grandmotherly - but in a good way. Maybe I'm just getting old.

As for your son hug him as long as u can - nothing like a big grown up son hug - I have one of them too and he's amazing and gives the best hugs.

Please Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Moonstruck]

.....Darling Stressless....... Ooh thank you thank you so much you beautiful person - for the delicious compliment! don't look like a Grandmother do I? I agree with you....I can't believe it myself...just the word conjures up this old lady with a grey/blue perm, in a flowered frock with a belt around the middle and sensible shoes.....aaargh!! Oh No, I much prefer my tight skinny jeans and black boots....(I feel powerful and sexy in boots...but alas, we only have about 10 minutes of winter up here to wear that stuff)

Even when things are going really well, and my life is happy....I still get teary when I hug this beautiful son of mine..I don't see him very often.....so imagine me this time! You see, he feels the loss too....as the pet was such a huge part of his life as a kid...I feel I have let him down by not looking after him properly. I promised him I would also make sure he was OK......I will never forgive myself. I am beginning to cry just typing this.....sorry....luv...x

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Moon,

I'm glad Stressless' words resonated with you and also gave you something to smile about...love your edgy style. You strike me as, although you might have them already, someone who could also pull off heavily distressed, ripped jeans 🙂

But on a more serious note, I'm not sure of the details about your pet but I'm guessing whatever happened was an accident- any one of us could probably have easily been in your shoes. You're hurting and your son is hurting from the loss...but I feel he would hurt even more if he knew the extent that you are beating yourself up....

Hugs and kind thoughts,

Pepper