I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[quirkywords]

Moon and Croix  I am enjoying the memories of movies being shared and just want to say moon I liked the holiday especially with Eli Wallach who was 90years old when the movie was made.

croix I recall that goodie scene. 

[Croix]

Dear Quirky (wiht a wave to Moon)~

Yes I beleive they were collecting singers for a concert, including Cilla Black at her most aurally piercing.

They had fun with contemporary entertainers, in "Lips, or Almighty Cod" they used a record of Max Bygraves (Tulips to Amsterdam) to great effect.

-C

[Moonstruck]

Hey Croix.....just keeping you up to date....it seems I have scoliosis....which I thought only pre-teen developing girls got, curvature of the spine, having to wear a brace most of the day etc with good outcomes....did not know people my age got it....anyway my spine is in a bad way, with curving causing the immense pain...there is no cure....options are try to live with, manage the pain which will not get better....or major spine surgery, somewhat scary at my age plus I do not have Private Ins for Back Surgeons.  There are no specialists in the public system where I live....would entail multiple visits to capital...IF....I eventually get called up from a waiting list.  I don't know what to do.....knowing the diagnosis has brought me down mentally and emotionally very much......and particularly pain-wise which is mainly the fact I am now concentrating on this latest development every waking moment. ....It seems I am trapped. I don't feel I have any quality of life to look forward to.  I don't want to live out my latter years like this with only the prospect of it getting worse.   Just letting you know....scoliosis!

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I was realy sorry to hear of you back condition and don't blame you hesitating over surgery at all. Are you satisfied the specialist you saw was sufficiently familiar with the  conditon in older adults (sorry about that:) to give you be best advice - for instance would any exercises help?

Pain management has come a long way and I've seen a specialist in it and was surprised at the options. At this stage I'm still on medication, but that may change to include an electronic device. I'm not saying that would be suitable for you, just that making inquires might be productive.

I hope it not going to make you reluctant to seize any bowling opportunities that come your way

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Croix...I haven't seen any "pain" specialist, there are none that I know of in my regional town.....also only one private back specialist who may not accept anyone without private insurance .  I believe there are types of back braces around and I plan to look around for them when I get the motivation and energy.   You will recall how interested and convinced I am of the connection between messages from the mind, resulting in pain in the body?  Since getting that knowledge about the scoliosis and doing some research (probably shouldn't have done any googling) my pain has been much worse...worse than before the diagnosis.  Its only a piece of paper with a word on it.  Until I read that word my outlook although dealing with pain was not nearly as depressed or hopeless.  Wish I hadn't read it now.  Some exercises are actually bad for scoliosis, I may have been doing some of them.  Its as if it has taken over my life and thoughts completely...hard to concentrate on happier things, as I said, much worse than before I had the scan.  re the bowling I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  Not made any drastic decisions...my mind control in that area is really strong as you know and when I do it, I am obviously filled with the "good" hormones, e.g. oxytocin dopamine, adrenalin (the good kind) excitement, fulfilment, connection to others, alll the good stuff which perhaps is what allowed me to do such a good job earlier this year....(I have read about the effect these good chemicals can have on physical health and pain) .perhaps nothing, not even a piece of paper with a scary word written on it can compete with that.Thanks for your concern....will keep you up to date....Moon S

[Croix]

Dear Moon

If I am just sitting somewhere, perhaps a waiting room, and have nothing to occupy my thoughts then my pain comes to the forefront of my mind, takes over more and is worse.

If I am occupied, maybe listening ot a comedian, reading a book or other tihngs then it is still there, but not overwhelming. When I go to bed I might take a pain-killer and try to use Smiling Mind to follow a leaf, or some other mental task that eventualy often lets me sleep. Without those I'd just lie there in pain.

I'm not suggesting what helps me would help you , however you already know in some  situations the pain recedes right back and your occupation is taking up your mind and senses - I"m talking bowling of course. Remember the roar of the greasepaint is a pretty good ointment.

I also know if I let the pain build up and get worse, rather than dealing with it as it starts, or as one gets up of a morning, then it is going to be harder to treat than if I took prompt action. Again maybe just me.

You have more resources than you might think at first, I have every faith it is not going to dominate your life.

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Croix.  I am glad you have every faith it is not going to dominate my life.  It is having a good go just now I can tell you.  I have been accepted into a Home Assist agency (one of the very many popping up as our ageing population get older and won't die) just to do some cleaning....vacuum, clean floors, bathroom etc.....I had no choice but feel funny about having a stranger doing these things and seeing how disgusting I have allowed things to get.....Its just too painful for me any longer and has been for ages I guess, to even push a vacuum cleaner around.  The cleaner starts this week.  The charge is very low so I am fortunate I guess to even get a place...the demand for cleaners is very high and vacancies for new clients are few.......anyway that happens this week...

.I opened the most recent pack of prescription painkillers from GP today and to my dismay these pills are tiny tiny things that will be so very hard, if not impossible to break in half, or quarters as I have done to make my strong ones last!   Why did the chemist give me these tiny ones? The ones I have been taking have had the line down the middle etc making it easy to break in half!!  I'm told its not the chemist or GP, its the pharmaceutical company that make these changes from time to time....well bugger them!  Same strength etc...just different colour and tiny tiny size...Oh God what next?....love Moon S