I can't find the right place for me to post

[Moonstruck]

I don't know any more where to put a new thread if I make one, or which ones to join in. I always used Anxiety because that is my major condition but that has been relatively under control lately - I feel Depressed today - but I don't qualify for the topics there either. I'm depressed mainly because there doesn't seem a place for me. I love some of the threads and personal thoughts for example in Staying Well, but I can't join in there, because I don't have any tips for Staying Well.

I tend to have almost paranoid thoughts through over-thinking "problems" that I would like to talk over but don't know where to talk them over before they reach the paranoid stage...I want to avoid that. I join in the Social threads saying light hearted jokey things because thats the only place I seem to belong.

I dwell on any problems my adult sons have in various aspects of their life and want to "fix things for them" - our relationship is very loving and close though - they are wonderful to me - so there is no real "problem" with my relationship with them....so I don't seem to belong in the "relationships, family" section either do I?

I worry about them all the time - when I tried to express this on forum I think it was misconstrued that I had "empty nest syndrome" - trying to adapt to my sons' leaving home....No, that's not it...they've been gone for years and years...I am a grandmother.

I liked the Getting to Know You, or is it Me? thread very much - but have been given suggestions how to start my own thread and what section to use etc and get the feeling I'm being steered away from there too.

So I am still confused. I don't feel particularly anxious today, so this shouldn't even be in Anxiety! Do you see my dilemma?

In fact the more I write the more I feel like crying - I don't know where to go next.

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'm back and just popped in to see how you were doing now hte festive season has finished for another year. I hope all is good

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Sorry friends I seem to have been absent....it's true...brief explanation.  I am in constant severe pain especially worse this past week when I woke on Monday, I could barely walk across the room, bent over with agony which took until mid morning at least to ease a little bit after a painkiller I am s supposed to take sparingly and which I have done in the past ....I am terrified GP will refuse to give me repeats if I actually use them...A physio said to me this week "You are in severe pain, you have a pain killer, take the pain killer, that is what it is for...days like this" 

I have cried with the pain.  Never done that before. Have no idea why Monday morning such a change and severity. I literally can't get on with my life. I've had to cancel appointments e.g dentist, hairdresser etc as was in too much pain to get ready to go and it also hurts terribly to drive the car as for some reason, the pain is intense when I sit....whereas the only times I was free of pain was either sitting down or lying on a bed.  Now sitting down is painful too.

It is getting me down so much...there are things I want to do...e.g. "Live life" which I simply cannot as I can hardly walk.  Physio appointments are very expensive...my clinic has ceased their Pilates classes which was the only thing in the past that helped me.  I am trying to get into another pain exercise group that is all I have left.  

I cannot live like this, with the prospect of getting worse, not better.  I have become a recluse and miss my friends, but in too much pain to go anywhere other than absolutely necessary........Moon S

[quirkywords]

Moon sorry to hear about your intense pain.

I have had pain so intense I could not sit down. Unless people have experience intense pain they find it hard to understand. I hope you find some relief soon. 
thinking of you. 

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

It is really horrible to endure such intense pain. Not a good way to try and live.

I know I've probably mentioned it before however if you need you pain medication then please take it. It is better to get on top of pain as it starts than try and stop it when it is going full swing.

I know you are worried about your doctor's reaction. realy they only have two choices, keep prescribing or send you to a specialist who will then no doubt prescribe.

When I have reached the stage I cannot move to get dressed I call an ambulance or get Mrs C to drive me to ED, where they promptly reduce the pain. I'm lucky in that ambulances are free, I would imagine you would have to pay for them however it can be worth it.

Croix

Anything is better than just being stuck suffering.

[Moonstruck]

Croix...thanks for your concern.  I haven't written for a while because when the pain became extra severe a few weeks ago now, "sitting" in a chair was , still is painful.  Lying on a bed is the only pain free place now.  I have 6 days to go until my GP comes back.  I am confident she will give me a repeat as I am counting out the remaining pills as well as I can.    I went to another GP at another surgery. Found out while waiting that they are not allow to prescribe "addictive substances" on a first visit.  The DR was lovely though, understanding and listened to me. She showed me on computer screen what she was able to pull up with the click of a button...my prescription history, date prescribed, GP's name, when repeat was requested....the lot!  Big brother is watching us!  She explained I had an "excellent addictive substance" record and regarded in the language as "clean" i.e.not liable to "doctor shop" or showing signs of addiction.  Said she would hate to see me disrupt my excellent record if I could possibly last until my GP returns but would not refuse me if I had no choice but to make a second visit.  So I am counting down.  I tried to make appt with another lady GP at my usual practice but she is on maternity leave.  I have had brief interactions with the other 2 male doctors there and found them quite abrupt and a bit intimidating to tell the truth.  I have one on one appt with exercise physiologist then joining his small classes for pain, strength, older people etc.  Talking to him its clear he understands the psychology of "pain" and I feel comfortable with him so wish me luck there.  I must do some exercise, I cannot remain motionless...I already feel I have lost my sense of identity.  I don't know who this person who uses a walking stick is...she is a stranger to me!!...hope things are well with you...Moon