HSC anxiety

[Guest_9546]

Hello

I do not know if anyone can relate to me or not but I have "educational anxiety" for maybe the past year and 8 months?

So I wasnt allowed to do my desired subject in year 11 (in year 10 I chose extension 1 maths but wasnt allowed)

At the beginning of yr 11 I was told I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I started to stress because I wasn't told about it earlier and I wanted to do it desperately

I complained to the head of maths (on many occassions) and he then decided to make me sit a test weeks later

Weeks later I did the test and I stuffed it up. I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I was stressing and tried complaining multiple times to the head of maths. He decided no. He then referred me to the school counciller. He told me this "rubbish" that I only need advanced maths (2U) for uni since it is a calculus course but I felt I needed extension 1 maths

The counciller told me to let it go (and so did he). I tried to let it go but it didn't work. It was then raised to my school principal (through a complaint to the department of education) and he told me to just focus on all my other subjects because extension 1 maths will make things worse (but I thought of it the other way around)

Ever since that incident, I was stressing everyday. I had anxiety (and still do). I have found it very difficult to learn. Did horribly in tests
At the end of last yr, I told the HT maths that I dont care about learning anymore (since he didn't let me in extension maths earleir in the year).

Ever since then I learned to develop a deep obsession of hatred to him (because I think he's ignorant)Even now (which was a year a and half from that incident of not being allowed to study my desired subject) I have suffered anxiety a lot, I have been so stressed out that it has affected my learning, I have developed a deep hatred to the head of maths, etc. I have even cried a lot at home at times because I was too stressed out. Even back then I found a bit of difficulty sleeping

Assuming I have either narcissism, bipolar disorder or some sort of sever anxiety ] I want to apply for EAS (educational access scheme) for my HSC because my learning was affected from this event a lot

I wanted to do extension 1 (and 2) maths at high school because I wanted to pursue an actuarial degree at university (or a maths degree of some sort) as nothing else interested me but not being allowed to do my desired subjects made me stress

I would appreciate any advice from anyone here

[Guest_9546]

It's also kind of hard to open up against someone who you wanted to beat in the HSC. I know I said this but I thought I could beat my cousin in the HSC (we kinda did a bet although it wasn't exactly a bet, it was something more like "I think if you studied harder you would've gotten a better ATAR" and then he says to me "ok I wanna see if you can beat me" but then unexpectedly I was "hit hard" with a mental illness, found it difficult to learn, etc) but truth is I cannot no matter how hard I try I know I won't beat him (considering my school says that I probably won't make it to uni, not even WSU. I know that when he finds out that I couldn't beat him in the HSC, he will brag on for days and piss the crap out of me. Even if I made an excuse like "I was diagnosed with XYZ during approximately mid 2016 and was very hesitant on seeking mental help because of a bad experience with a school counciller" he'd say "nope, stop making excuses you just can't admit that I'm better than you, etc". I guess one of the things that "motivated" me to beat him was the fact that he went to a high performing school in Sydney wheras I went to a school which wasn't as high performing as his and considering that I was always looking for study tips from past HSC students on how to do well, I was reluctant to study hard and beat him (which eventually never happened) and he went by the mentality that I wouldn't achieve a high ATAR because my school wasn't as good as his (which is aboslute BS because I know people to achieve super high ATAR's and go to really low ranked schools). To be honest I don't like him, mainly because he has an attitude I don't like such as how fussed he is about his good looks and how he's always talking about going to raves, etc

I am worried about opening up to people like him. I need help. I never asked for his ATAR he just told me in front of my face a week or 2 after his ATAR came out and he's probably expecting the same from me.

[swtpotato]

Hi tenebrosity,

It sounds like you feel closed in on yourself, and in your previous post said you are thinking of opening up to others to lessen this. It doesn't sound like you would feel comfortable talking to your cousin about it however. Maybe like hope for the best said, try and talk to your psychologist about how you would expand your support network.

I know you said you don't really need it, and I have felt the same previously as well. It is a nice feeling though when you know there are people around you who know what you are going through and who believe in you to get through it. It can be like when you are playing idk an important soccer game and you have people there to cheer you on and encourage you to find the strength to continue doing your best.

Moodswings are a common symptom of anxiety as well as depression. I had this too which made me think I wasn't as depressed as I was and thus didn't seek the help I needed. There are many different ways that depression and anxiety can present themselves -- a group of people with the same diagnosis may have different issues, different symptoms and respond best to different treatments.

You do not have to give out your ATAR if you do not want to. Just because someone tells you theirs doesn't mean they have the right to yours. I think just focus on doing the best you can given the circumstances and be proud of whatever it is you achieve in the end. You are going through a very tough and stressful time so please give yourself some credit for remaining determined.

m

[Guest_9546]

Hi swtpotato

Well I think the point of opening up to others is to make an "excuse" as to why I didn't do as well as I wanted in the HSC. I do not want to open up to my cousin either because he will carry on with his bragging and he will tell me that I should stop making excuses, etc. I don't know how much I will see him in the future considering that I don't like him (I don't think he minds me) because he is so fixated on his physical looks and all that and is constantly talking about raves, clubbing, etc which I find quite annoying.

I'll try figuring out (one day) as to how I should actually go on and approach others about my mental illness

I don't think I've said this on this forum before (although I've told my psychologist) is that I hate being the centre of attention. I hate it when people look at me and make me look as if I'm in the centre or something. I feel more comfortable being "secluded" and I think of myself to be more of an "outsider". If it was being the centre for something important such as a speech or something then I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm the centre of attention. That's another reason as to why I absolutely hate birthdays (I think I've said this on both the first and second page). I guess if I had maybe a friend or 2 to support me then I guess I'm fine but tbh I don't really know how I would actually feel in that case

According to both my GP and psychologist, I have both anxiety and depression (although my psychologist thinks that because she isn't trained to diagnose me with whatever) however I think I have more than just those 2, I think I have PTSD because I experience most of the symptoms (if not all). I also thought I had bipolar disorder (from googling and youtubing) because of the fact that I feel I have moodswings and I do feel quite "maniac" and "depressed" at times (although I do not do crazy things such as overspending or investing in stuff I don't know) but tbh I don't think I do.

Well I think that since my mum and his mum are close, she will tell her so I don't really know how to prepare for the inevitable

Yes I know that I should be proud of whatever ATAR I will get whether "high" or "low". Yes I get there's life after HSC and you can do pathways to get into your desired degree etc.

Thank you swtpotato, I will try my best

I need advice on juggling meditation stuff as well as HSC study because my psychologist told me I need to do meditation stuff to calm myself down (I cant remember how many times)

[Guest_9546]

Hi Everyone

I was at my 3rd session with my psychologist yesterday and tbh we didn't go through much, all she went through was another strategy to make myself focused in where I am at the moment so we went through some "five senses" treatment strategy where I had to list 5 things I could hear, see, feel, etc and I found that this did take my mind away from those horrible thoughts of the past and that if I apply it regularly (e.g. when sleeping) I would eventually not think about those bad thoughts and actually start to focus on learning (and not think of other memories associated with learning). Unfortunately we couldn't go through much because HSC begins on Monday. She also suggested me exercising regularly and although I walk to school (I usually cannot be bothered running as I can get tired easily) I feel that this doesn't stop the negative thoughts. I am always thinking negative when I am walking. Another thing is that sometimes I just can't be bothered walking because I dread life so I was considering buying a "walking stick" (strange because usually it's for the elderly and not people my age) to help myself when I am too depressed to walk around (and when I have this electric shock feeling in my legs I find it hard to walk after sitting down for so long). Another thing that motivates me to move around is drinking water regularly so I can go to the toilet regularly.

I think now I am actually starting to recover from those bad memories and traumatic past (although I still have some unaddressed points that I need to tell my psychologist). I will try and see a psychiatrist in a few months (bc they're too expensive) for accuracy.

I am also watching a "overcome depression and anxiety-motivational video(very powerful)" video on youtube and to be honest I don't think it has started to motivate me, it may take a bit of time for this video to get into me. If I watched this video 1 year ago I doubt it would have an effect of some sort on me. Probably wouldn't motivate me at all. I am also listening to fight song by rachael platten and I feel only a bit more motivated. Should this sort of video/song have an impact on individuals straight away or does it actually take time? I know "letting go/moving on" takes time

Could someone please give me any additional advice to aid my recovery from depression and anxiety. I need extra tips to get my life back on track after over a year of mental suffering and to prevent myself from going through such a hard time in life

[swtpotato]

Hi tenebrosity,

That sounds like really good progress.

I agree exercise is extremely hard when depressed and I definitely relate to those feelings of electric tingling and difficulty walking. Walking is definitely better than nothing so I hope you continue with that.

Things you could incorporate into recovery process (if you are up to it, just suggestions)

Consistent exercise routine: e.g sit ups, push-ups l, jumping lunges, stretching etc. I would do my soccer warmup as I find it easier than going for a run which doesn’t distract my mind. The point is to get your heart rate up to release endorphins, but the accomplishment and consistency of it also improves your mood and confidence.

Write down what you did at the end of the day and the moods and thoughts related to each activity. Identify triggers for both positive and negative moods. Rewrite routine.

idenitfy good and bad coping habits. E.g for me bad would be going to bed and watching tv for hours and giving up on the rest of the day. Good could be a timed short rest, shower/yoga/breathing exercises then simple tasks to get me back on track.

Identify and label negative thought patterns when they happen, not necessarily trying to get rid of them. E.g oh I’m comparing myself to others again, oh I’m just recounting that bad experience again I don’t need to I already know what happened, oh I’ve spiralled into worrying about ___ not necessary, oh I’m having depressive thoughts like other times - they were inaccurate and they are now it will pass.

Im glad you are liking the 5 senses thing! It will help a lot if you do it regularly. Any meditation/mindfulness is great. I try to feel my feet or my hands in the wind specifically when being in the moment.

Its great that you like the motivation videos. It is up to you how you incorporate it into your recovery process. But actually doing these things is really difficult!! You’ll have to find ways that work for you e.g affirmations, writing out logical reasoning behind doing the activity when in an ok mood, doing only a little at a time.

These are strategies that I worked for myself and from therapy. The best strategies I think are the ones we create for ourselves. It will take time, and is not predictable.

what do you think? What would your own versions of these be?

hope this helps

m

[Guest_9546]

Hi swtpotato

Well if I walk to get to places (e.g. school) I find that it can be quite easy at times but when I'm at home or something, I would feel too "depressed" to get from one place to another. I know that some people with depression can't even get out of their beds but luckily I'm not like that. I can actually walk from place to place but am always feeling down with my face towards the ground hating life. Usually I am doing things slowly (such as showering). I don't know if it's worth getting a walking stick because what if I don't ever end up using it and regret wasting my money for something I'd hardly use? (I'd probably use it sometimes if walking is too hard/bothersome)

Thanks for these suggestions, I will look into them

I don't think I said I liked the motivation video on youtube. The title of the video was "overcome depression and anxiety-motivational video(very powerful)" and although it focuses on people suffering depression and anxiety, it caters to all mental illnesses (such as PTSD, OCD, bipolar, etc). It's not a replacement for therapy with a health professional but it's more of an inspirational thing for people like me going through a hard time in life. Although it has some empowering quotes such as "there is sunlight above the clouds" or "I use memories, they do not use me" I just don't feel that kick of motivation to change myself. Maybe if I watched it more I'd be able to feel more motivated and "emerge from the mental earthquake that I went through". I need tips on approaching these "mental issue quotes" and how I can actually use them to get me through, like should I have a diary, write out the quote, the meaning and how it applies to me? Or even writing out the lyrics from Rachael Plattens fight song such as "I may only have one match, but I can make an explosion" like should I write the meaning behind the lyrics and how it applies to me

I feel that I do have PTSD but I am less agonised over it. I am interested in whether or not I have it but not to the point where I am using Dr google or youtubing PTSD to learn more about it. Although I feel traumatised at times (I don't think it's related to the topic) I feel I do relive those painful moments and am experiencing what someone with PTSD would

I forgot to mention but my psychologist made me write my own thought journal about my situations, thoughts, emotions/moods and behaviour and through this she was able to tell me to utilise the 5 senses thing when I'm in my bedroom

[Guest_9546]

Also another thing I wanted (in addition to my post above) to ask was is it appropriate when applying the 5 senses thing is to say them out loud? Like if I did that people would think I'm talking to myself and weird and I feel this way I am recovering as opposed to thinking them in my head (where I can actually get caught up in other thoughts)?

Does headspace offer free brain scans, even if it is not related to mental health?

[Hope_for_the_best]

Hi tenebrosity,

Glad to hear that you are going well with your psychologist sessions. We love to hear from you and give you advice, but we simply can't tell whether you need a walking stick and you can get free brain scans from headspace etc. From what you have written, it sounds like you don't need any walking aids, but it is a decision that you need to make. If you feel that it will make you less anxious/depressed, from my point of view, it is an investment to go for. We are not affiliated with headspace, so we don't know if you can get free brain scans there. You need to go and find out yourself. As for doing the 5-sense exercise aloud, I don't see there is a problem as long as you do not disturb others too much. Nobody asks you to shout on top of your lungs to start with. Plug in a headphone, so people will think you are on the phone when you are talking to yourself.

We are not you, so we really can't make decisions for you. Somehow you just need to be brave and take charge of your own life.

Good luck to your HSC!

[Guest_9546]

Hi Hope.for.the.best (and swtpotato)

Sorry for not getting back to you in so long. I was "studying" for the HSC. Anyways just wanted to make a quick update

1. Although my treatment with the psychologist is gradually getting better (I will probably need to do mindfulness meditation maybe a hour a day?) I still feel mentally affected, I still feel depressed (to some extent) to learn, I still feel quite anxious at times when learning, etc and tbh the reason why this happens is because of the fact that I didn't have enough time to process the grief/trauma properly. My psychologist knew that and all she told me was to exercise (It only helps a bit tbh) and try to focus myself in the present moment

2. Unfortunately I did bad in my first couple of HSC exams. I just hope (and pray) that I won't mess up the rest. I have now resorted to watching videos as a study technique (although ineffective in my opinion) because when I hear people teaching, I find that it can help, like when I study I am remembering negative thoughts and I feel that usually the negative thoughts would "fight" the teaching from youtube videos (I know it doesn't make sense sorry)

3. I rung the kidshelpline up and the woman (it wasn't Mrs B it was another counciller who wanted to remain anonymous and Mrs B wasn't there at the time) said when you are walking outside try to think positively e.g. how the tree that you see on the street can represent growth in your mental development. Um...write a bad thought(s) on a piece of paper and then when scrunch it up and then write down a more positive thought, etc. I think another thing she was trying to say to me was about how through the bad experiences I've been through I have been able to become a more resilient person and how I have learnt things I wouldve possibly never learnt if I had gone through this bad experience, etc

How long would it take to be a resilient person? Like even though I am learning from kind hearted strangers over the internet I don't feel I am becoming much of a resilient individual (other than opening up about my personal life in front of my psychologist which I prob wouldnt of told anyone bc I am a very private person). I've been through other life traumas (which I wont name here) yet still today I cannot come to terms in becoming a resilient indiviual

[Hope_for_the_best]

Hi tenebrosity,

No need to apologise, as you are free to post back at anytime you want.

(1) It really takes time to heal. Follow your psychologist's instructions and keep her posted how you feel.

(2) It is nothing wrong to study through videos. In fact, many lecturers at uni like to use computer-aided tools, e.g. videos, for teaching these days.

(3) It is very difficult to answer, but if you work with your psychologist and make progress along the way, you can expect that you will become resilient one day. You just need to be patient and take one step at a time.

Good luck to HSC!