HSC anxiety

[Guest_9546]

Hello

I do not know if anyone can relate to me or not but I have "educational anxiety" for maybe the past year and 8 months?

So I wasnt allowed to do my desired subject in year 11 (in year 10 I chose extension 1 maths but wasnt allowed)

At the beginning of yr 11 I was told I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I started to stress because I wasn't told about it earlier and I wanted to do it desperately

I complained to the head of maths (on many occassions) and he then decided to make me sit a test weeks later

Weeks later I did the test and I stuffed it up. I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I was stressing and tried complaining multiple times to the head of maths. He decided no. He then referred me to the school counciller. He told me this "rubbish" that I only need advanced maths (2U) for uni since it is a calculus course but I felt I needed extension 1 maths

The counciller told me to let it go (and so did he). I tried to let it go but it didn't work. It was then raised to my school principal (through a complaint to the department of education) and he told me to just focus on all my other subjects because extension 1 maths will make things worse (but I thought of it the other way around)

Ever since that incident, I was stressing everyday. I had anxiety (and still do). I have found it very difficult to learn. Did horribly in tests
At the end of last yr, I told the HT maths that I dont care about learning anymore (since he didn't let me in extension maths earleir in the year).

Ever since then I learned to develop a deep obsession of hatred to him (because I think he's ignorant)Even now (which was a year a and half from that incident of not being allowed to study my desired subject) I have suffered anxiety a lot, I have been so stressed out that it has affected my learning, I have developed a deep hatred to the head of maths, etc. I have even cried a lot at home at times because I was too stressed out. Even back then I found a bit of difficulty sleeping

Assuming I have either narcissism, bipolar disorder or some sort of sever anxiety ] I want to apply for EAS (educational access scheme) for my HSC because my learning was affected from this event a lot

I wanted to do extension 1 (and 2) maths at high school because I wanted to pursue an actuarial degree at university (or a maths degree of some sort) as nothing else interested me but not being allowed to do my desired subjects made me stress

I would appreciate any advice from anyone here

[Guest_9546]

So I've just gotten an email from my school's careers advisor and he has told me that if I were to provide evidence of some medical diagnosis via a psychologist, I would need to be attending there regularly during the HSC period which I unfortunately didn't do as I was hesitant that the outcome would be exactly the same as what happened with the school counciller (who claimed she was a "qualified psychologist"). Unfortunately this conversation cannot be provided as evidence for EAS (because there needs to be some sort of proof that I am medically diagnosed) but I will be showing this conversation to the psychologist

Ever since seeing this email I've been concerned as going to the psychologist (especially on a regular basis) costs a lot of money. I (unfortunately) do not have private health insurance which cannot cover this massive fee. My hatred for the HT maths has worsened as I am always thinking about him especially when I'm going to school and am always talking to myself, wishing he'd be "punished" for what he did to me and the amount of trouble he made me eventually go through. My hatred for him is worsening day by day (as time approaches to the first HSC exam) and has worsened my ability to perform at my best in high school. And honestly, if I wanted to study a maths degree, I'd rather do it with something like engineering or actuarial studies since they complement each other well, as opposed to doing it with law (although it is unique) because it doesn't seem to work well with law provided that they are 2 separate uni degrees.

I feel that I am going through an extremely depressive phase now, due to the fact that I needed to see the psychologist on a regular basis during my HSC (which I didn't do because of the experience with my school counciller). I honestly don't know what to do, if I wanted to see a psychologist on a regular basis I would have to pay a hefty sum of money which I don't like doing. I need to seek medical diagnosis from a medical professional (and don't think a doctor would be a suitable choice) but I don't want to pay a hefty sum of money because I think it is unfair. I just think it's unfair, the head of maths not letting me in extension maths (even trying it out) is unfair, it is unfair that the school counciller didn't help me proper and it is unfair that I needed to see the psychologist on a regular basis during the HSC (and pay for that). I think it's more than OCD, now it's more like depression (in my opinion)

[Hope_for_the_best]

I would like to let you know that a GP can diagnose mental illnesses and refer you to a psychologist via a mental health care plan (subsided by Medicare), which entitles you 10 free psychologist visits in a year. If you have concerns whether your current GP is knowledgeable enough, then find another one who has an interest in mental health and book a long appointment. The Beyond Blue website has a search engine for mental health professionals. In my opinion, you should first go to a GP if you worry about money and want to get an official diagnosis for EAS. Then you work with a psychologist for whatever problems you have. I agree that these posts are useful in telling your psychologist your struggles. But until you have been assessed by professionals, I would suggest that you stop diagnosing yourself. It is not going to help you in any ways.

[Guest_9546]

Yeah I will be seeing one (by next week?). The only problem is that my mum believes mental health is controllable and doesn't realise that it's a medical condition so I may have a bit of issue with that (unless it is something extremely erratic then she might tell you to go to a mental hospital/psychiatric ward)

Anyways the careers advisor and principal saw me after school today. They told me they read some of the posts and such and they told me my current ATAR (from trials) wouldn't get me into university (below 50) and that instead I should go to TAFE and do 4U maths there (since I am passionate) or do something maths related at TAFE and transfer into uni. They told me the "free psychologist" process via GP and that EAS is for severe issues that affect you (such as cancer or having no hands to write). Well in my case I think am suffering something severe but in a "silent" manner. Perhaps I could be eligible for bonus point, I don't know

My principal told me he understands I am angered towards the HT maths however I got into trouble for making certain comments about the HT maths on this site such as venting on about how I "hated" him and accusing him as a liar, rude, etc. He said it was going to be recorded. Maybe if he spent all his time reading through all the comments on this forum he could probably understand "why" in a better fashion (instead of parts of it)

With regards to TAFE, I don't like going to TAFE. It is often stereotyped in a bad manner and I don't want to have anything to do with HS since I dislike HS strongly. I am now starting to have a fear of getting sent to TAFE because my high school results was affected by all this stressing and negative attitude. The conversation after school made me more stressed now that I don't want to go to TAFE (and more depressed)

I think I'm not going to make anymore comments about high school on this site any longer because I don't want to get into trouble. I may go on this site if it is a mental issue not related to schooling/education (unless I'm in uni but don't want to think of HS)

@Hope.for.the.best, Ahw307 and Qurz, I thank you all for giving up your time to help someone like me (who is going through a difficult phase in life). I see that there are hardly many good samaritans like you in this society but you people are far more than that because often Mental health is neglected in this society and to sacrifice your time shows that you all are truly amazing people

I wish you all the best of luck 🙂

[Hope_for_the_best]

It is not the end of the world even if you end up in TAFE, as you could do the extension maths that you like and get into uni eventually. Trust me, people will care more about your uni results when you finish uni and look for a job. It is good to hear that you are reaching out for your mental health. Mental illnesses are manageable if you follow up with professionals regularly.

However, I would like to remind you to be careful when posting online. While it is understandable that you showed your principal and career advisor these posts so they know how you feel, you should not have done that in the first place. You'd better off paraphrase the whole story (i.e. remove words like liar, rude etc.) and tell them. You only get a bad record when you are still in high school, but you can face more serious consequences when you are out in the society. It is just like saying something bad about your boss on Facebook. Not only you get fired or a hard time at work, but also you can be refused by prospective employers. You know, it is not uncommon for employers to examine your social media these days. I too vent out my issues with supervisors on various forums but I am always very careful with my words. I tell my story in a way that even if my supervisors stumble across my posts, they cannot tell I made the posts (they may still suspect though). I hope you learn a good lesson from this.

If you still wish to keep in touch with us and don't want to be tracked by your school, follow my advice above and post from a new account. Best of luck to you too!

[Guest_9546]

H.F.T.B I have decided that I will use this account although I will think twice before posting (and will re-read posts before I actually post them). I apologise for breaking my own rules and if I did attempt to post from a new account, I’m sure my school would still figure out it’s me. Not worth making a new account to avoid my own school to be honest.

I could do extension maths in TAFE but I don’t want to do anything associated with high school as I had a bad experience in high school and don’t want to relive bad experiences (and I probably will be super frustrated doing extension maths in TAFE). Maths extension is actually a high school (more like HSC) subject and my concern is that it will trigger not so pleasant memories. Yes I know no one cares about your ATAR once you finish your HSC because that was the past and to be honest I think uni marks only matter if you can juggle them with other commitments (from what I hear) not uni marks by themselves. Funnily enough since I didn’t like high school I am planning on not going to graduation.

Yeah I am now starting to be cautious of venting on in rage about others online (I remember getting told this from some person from commonwealth bank at a school incursion in yr 10 but it involved inappropriate pictures of a guy getting drunk and doing stupid things with those photos getting uploaded on FB). I did have FB back in yr 7 but forgot email and password and never bothered to use it ever since. I do not want to use it either because I’m worried I’ll end up wasting so much time on it. Some people still think I do but I don’t. I still will be on online forums though to discuss uni and they’re not as addictive/distracting as FB.

I am starting to feel a bit more motivated (although I haven’t seen a health professional) because I don’t want to end up in TAFE. I am desperate to get into UNSW. I am at the point of confusion (and I guess a bit anxious?) because I don’t know what to do with my life (whether it’s actuarial studies , data science, law, etc). My main concern now is to get at least 80 ATAR (to get in arts) then transfer into adv maths/actuarial studies. If I do feel like it I will probably do uni for a couple of yrs, work a few years, go back to uni to study law/project management (at Usyd) but it’s not the right time to think of that.

[Hope_for_the_best]

It is good that you are getting motivated. I hope you are seeing a health professional soon to deal with your stress. Good luck!

[Guest_9546]

I hope that with the introduction of the new HSC curriculum (for maths, science, English and history) I will be able to get over this extension 1 maths incident. I hope that as time goes on the bad memories of high school will be replaced with good new memories. I know I will (coincidentally) bump into former friends/peers from high school however I hope that it wont make me think about the traumatising moments of high school. I may see high school students on uni campus but I just hope that they’re not bad. I think that the behaviour of most high school students (in particular males) is best described as senseless.

I also hope that I can forget about my birthday as well (considering how much I hate birthdays in general). Funnily enough my grandma forgot her birthday and no one in my extended family remembered her birthday so we had to say that her birthday was on the first of January (although they remembered what year she was born in) even though it wasn’t.

I could also end up going to WSU (because there isn’t much demand) if I had the ATAR however I live closer to Usyd/UNSW and I am quite fussed about the “prestige” of certain universities as well as how strong their faculties are in certain courses. Although WSU’s reputation is gradually getting better I am not aware of what faculties they’re strong in (e.g. UNSW is strong in maths, engineering, psychology and I can’t remember what else) and it is much further than UNSW/Usyd.

I think the biggest lesson I learnt from this was that if you aren’t able to seek mental help from a professional, then seek another. Don’t let one experience get to you

My original ATAR goal was to get 99+ (because to me that was a “golden number”) and if I didn’t get it I would be upset then that goal became 97.30 to get into actuarial studies then that became anything greater than 95.15 to beat my cousin and now it’s become 80. My ATAR aim got lower as time passed on as I had virtually no motivation to learn but now the motivation for me is to avoid TAFE and get into UNSW

Although my principal said that it is improbable for me to get 80 ATAR I will still try my very best so then I can get there (considering that I damaged my internals severely)

I don't know whether or not it will be possible for me to forgive people and forget all about this

[Guest_9546]

Ok I am having a bit of trouble booking an appointment for a doctor. I am planning to book on the day we have high school graduation (which I don’t want to attend) however I don’t want to sneak the medicare card out of my mum’s wallet (since it has her name and my name on it). Do I just book for the doctors via medicare number or do I actually need the medicare card? My mum is preventing me from seeing the doctors because she believes mental health is controllable (which in my opinion is not really)

[Hope_for_the_best]

Do you have any family doctors whom you have seen before? If you have been to a particular clinic, then your name and date of birth should be sufficient. I always go to the same clinic and all I need is name and date of birth. Depending on the clinic, you may need to present your medicare card to claim your doctor visit. But many clinics now automatically send the doctor bills to medicare. If you have nominated a bank account to receive claims via mygov, then the claim will get into your account in 24 hours. If you have got these set up, then you just need yourself to see a doctor.

I am guessing you are under 18 right? You do not share a medicare card with your parents if you are over 18. If you are underage, the doctor may like to talk to your mum, so you cannot totally avoid telling your mum about visiting a doctor. How about you request to have a body check, like doing a blood test? Your mum should not reject that. It is also easier for the doctor as he/she needs to rule out if you have any physical illnesses before considering you for mental illnesses. If your mum still rejects it, then maybe you ask your school for help. Your principal is aware of the situation and he may be able to communicate with your mum. If you are already 18, consider applying to have your own medicare card but it will take a few weeks.

[Guest_9546]

I am 18 (I just wish I never had to tell people how old I am but I will be doing so in this case considering my hatred towards birthdays)

I don't think I have a "nominated" bank account. Yeah I don't know why I still share the same medicare card with my mum, even my older brother still does

Yeah look I don't know but I am considering getting a test for mental illness. I have already spoken to the principal and careers advisor regarding this (last week) and they said that I should not be having the same medicare card as my mum and that I can go and see the doctors/psychologist on my own. The main concern is whether I actually need a medicare card or not. I remember when getting needles/vaccinations at school all we needed was to fill out our personal details and medicare number and we could get vaccinated.

If you have the same medicare card as your parent (one of your parents) does it matter much?

Also I don't think I will be eligible for bonus points for HSC because I didn't see a health professional for 6 months sadly. I just want to get out of high school and never come back.

The only "high school" trauma thing I am worried about is if I ever have to relive bad memories after bumping into high school students. In the future (assuming I'm at UNSW) I would like to be a student ambassador at UNSW because it seems like a fun job however if I ever had to speak in front of high school students (or even encounter them at the library when studying or something) I do not want bad memories to be triggered

I don't know if I should be feeling nostalgic about high school considering my not so great experience. I see people at school donating money for gifts to their teachers as well as class photos getting taken (since this is the last week of high school excluding the HSC and signout date) and such but in my mind I am thinking it's great because I literally never want to step foot in high school ever again (considering my bad experience) however it's upsetting (to some point) that everyone in class is going in their different paths in the future and I'll potentially never see a couple of awesome teachers and students that I once saw on almost a daily basis. Hopefully I will get over it (and I don't think I would ever want to attend a high school reunion to be honest considering I don't want to go to formal or graduation)

I feel that my main concern isn't just depression or stress but the fear of bad high school memories getting relived (I suppose PTSD?)