Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[Guest_3712]

Hi Fi

I will offer a reward to anyone who can explain why mothers are like this

I don't get it ! There are so many of us here with these issues . Is it a generational thing, something more than fluoride in the water??

What makes these women like this ?

Sure each situation is different but there must be some common factors too . It not only hurts my head but my heart too

Stressless

[White_Rose]

Hello Fi and Stressless

Thank you both for your lovely compliments. Not crying but very near.

I would like to talk about mothers. I have been talking to my psychiatrist about my mom. We talked about the different expectations each generation has about life. Of course much of it is handed down through the generations and often taken on board without much thought or feeling powerless to change anything. Well, women's lib has shown we, the population, can change our ideas and attitudes.

In the past 100 years look what has happened. The position of women in the world. I started to work in the public service not long after the end of the ruling that women must resign when they marry. They were even given a dowry if they had worked for more than six years.

Attitude changes to any kind of harassment, recognition of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, recognition of the diversity of sexual preferences and many others. None of these are perfect yet but they are at least on the agenda. So what is the relevance to mothers?

I am guessing I am of the generation of your mothers so my mom could have been your grandmother. She was the only girl with three brothers. I was going to write her life but not really necessary and too many words. Women were not expected or allowed tertiary education. They worked until marriage and then had babies. My mom's ambitions never featured in her parents' minds.

War years were difficult. No CentreLink when dad broke his leg. It appears mom had PND after my younger brother was born. No treatment. My dad seemed to have no role with his children apart from complaining if we got too loud. It was a very different way of life. The things we take for granted now either did not exist or where too expensive. Also people were very class conscious. Huge hurdles to get over. At the same time children were growing up with different attitudes which were creeping in after the upheaval and turmoil of war.

You can guess where this is going. It was hard for our moms to be the moms we wanted or needed. Not because they were intrinsically bad, but because they were pulled two ways. What will the neighbours say, loomed large in their lives. The person I wanted to love me, hold me when I was scared, teach me how to grow up just did not exist in a way I could see or understand.

I'm not wonderful about my mom but I try and remember she did the best she could just as we try the best we can. Does any of this help?

Mary

[Guest_3712]

Hey Fi

Hope all went well with your concert sat and you are doing ok.

Taking a break from forums so will be thinking of you

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Fiasco]

Have a good break stressless. I'll be thinking of you.

yes mary, what you say is always helpful. 😄

The concert went really well. Miss 6 did great - I was so proud of her first time on stage. Every time she got offstage after finishing a dance she had a huge smile and was super excited. I did pretty ok too. Adrenaline helps! It was a huge day - we started hair and makeup at 10am and didn't get home til 6pm. Then the next day we had family at our place. So tired lol!

Ive been making up lots of chicken broths from organic bones last few days - my IBS/leaky gut/coeliac disease is causing me some troubles. Forcing myself to slow down a bit but not liking it. Starting to feel a little bit funny in my mind, but I'll justify that by saying that I really have been unwell in my tummy and not able to eat much recently and also haven't been sleeping, so that would definitely cause mental issues...right? 😕 Trying not to panic and blow it out of proportion. It's ok, I'm not out of control/self destructive/impulsive/reckless...I'm just recovering etc. that's what I'm telling myself. I have a tendency to get anxious and terrified when I'm feeling 'funny', so hopefully this rationalising with myself will give me some perspective and a sense of control. "This too shall pass" (so I've heard).

[Fiasco]

Ok, I need to start being proactive before this gets too much worse. Right. I need to eat properly. Force myself to eat regularly and healthily. No more skipping meals. It isn't helpful. Come on!!!

Next. Keep on going. Don't stop. Stopping is bad. When i stop I can't get going again and start to get negative thoughts. Make some lists and work through them. Keep doing things. Garden, cook, clean, walk...

Don't be alone. Schedule catchups and things so that you're forced to go out and interact with others. Being alone is not good at the moment. Don't do it. Don't give in.

Recognise emotions. Do you really want to hurt yourself, or do you need to redirect your attention to a task? Do you actually want to do something reckless or should you go and talk about to someone? don't give in!!! COME ON!!!!!

[Fiasco]

Today hasn't been a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hopefully the kids will sleep tonight. Hopefully I will too. Hubby is off to his drum lesson soon so I'll be alone again. i was already feeling a bit off, and kids were feral, so usual shit different day. I'm over it. I want to go back to work just to escape. But I know from previous experience that doesn't work. I'm so bored and lonely and sick of the same thing over and over but don't see what I can do to change it.

Meh, I'm just angry and frustrated. Tomorrow is a new day.

[White_Rose]

Oh Fi, I do ache for you. I want so much to help you but you believe you can manage by yourself. If sheer determination and gutsy courage could do that I am certain you would succeed. You are already brave so can you take that next step and get more help from your doctor?

I know, I know you are muttering under your breath about this but look at all the pain and difficulty you are putting yourself through. You are so lonely and unhappy, I want to hold you close and help you but I cannot do this. I can only urge you to take that one step to getting help. Everyone in the SFC wishes you well I know.

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

How are you feeling today? I'm with Mary on this... You're doing all the right things to help yourself but no mention of checking in with a medical professional. That's what they're there for 😊 Even if they just encourage you to keep doing what you're doing at least they know you've hit a low again.

Sorry if you find that I'm nagging. Like I said earlier I've been worried that you're sounding a bit exhausted again.

Take care of yourself please 😊

[Fiasco]

Thanks Mary and Quercus.

I saw my psychologist yesterday. She's very helpful.

im really tired. Think I'm fighting a virus or something and that's affecting my sleep. I have a theory that my mental deterioration often correlates with when I'm physically unwell. Feeling foggy in my head.

Had my first day of parent help in the prep classroom today. Went well. Spent an hour afterwards chatting to another mother I'd never met before who's also a teacher. We seem to have many similar experiences and points of view.

Then I was late to my gp appointment. Iron is almost to normal levels now so that's good. Had 3rd injection for hep A and B and it hurt!!! Whole arm is aching. Have dance tonight so that'll be fun lol.

off to get groceries with miss 6 before collecting miss 4 from kindergarten and then quickly making dinner whilst bathing them etc until hubby home from work when I shoot out the door to rehearsal!

hope you're both well xx

[Fiasco]

Feelings of numbness, recklessness. Feel like doing something like an adrenaline junkie. Want to be in danger. Want to self harm. Want to hurt. Want to feel pain and excitement. Feeling bored and alone and restless and empty.
Can I just give in to this to make it stop? Just a little?  Need to get over this as I have things to do. Need to look after c and get her to dance tonight. Need to be normal around other mums not distant and yearning for dysfunctional things.
Get the groceries.
Go for a run with the dog. Then time will be gone and pick up c from school.