Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[White_Rose]

Dear Fiasco

Yes, life does go on and we all want you to go on. We have all been there and we know what a horrible place it is and the horrible feelings you are having. I wish with all my heart I could take away your pain, just as I wanted my pain to be taken away. We can only stand and encourage you. Please believe the sun will not only rise tomorrow but it will rise on you and show you can manage another day.

At the moment you are having a day by day struggle and I know how much it hurts. There will come a time when you can smile and be glad you are here. I know because I am here and it was not so long ago I thought life was pointless. Holding on to a moment in time may not actually be possible but you can hold the good moments in your mind and take comfort from them.

I used to find something to do and say I will finish this and then I can go. Or I will wait half an hour, or an hour etc. I waited a week because I had promised to do something. Of I knew I was only making excuses because I really did want to stay in this world, but it worked. More to the point I felt I was in control a little. I was the one who would determine the that point in time. I think that by focussing on a short time ahead cuts out all the big picture stuff. You know things like family, friends, causing a fuss, etc. If I could manage for just another brief moment and concentrate on that time I could ignore the pain.

Would you visit this web site please. I found it a tremendous help. https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Mary

[Ladyhawke]

Hi Fiasco,

I've been off the forums for a while, and have just been reading your thread and responses.

You've obviously had an incredibly tough time that's continued for a long while with very little support. You feel worthless, however, there are others who have responded to you here, who care about you and are very concerned for your welfare.

My circumstances have been very different to yours, but I have felt the same way as you many, many times. Although you may feel pushed into a corner right now, please believe me that there are always alternatives.

Please reach out and ask for help NOW. The Beyondblue helpline - 1300 22 4636 - is staffed by kind, caring, non-judgmental health professionals. The staff can talk you through any negative thoughts you may be having and provide immediate assistance if necessary.

You do have people who care about you and we want you to get the support and assistance you require and so deserve.

LH

[Guest_3712]

Hey Fiasco

Thanks for responding and I'm glad you're safe

Small steps. Hour by hour

nothing to add to what White Rose, Quercus and Lady Hawke said

Take Care

Stressless

[Quercus]

Thank you Fiasco for letting us know you're safe. I appreciate it.

Can you pinpoint anything specific that has triggered these thoughts? As always feel free to ignore my questions no pressure to reply. If you feel like venting even if it means throwing out random words go for it. Anything that helps you.

[Fiasco]

Ok Mary. I will try to wait. I will wait until tomorrow.

When you have been severely distressed - I mean at the point where rational thought is almost lost and you are consumed by feelings that physically hurt you and you just need to escape - you know what I'm saying, please, tell me what actually stopped you at that point. I don't want to know what you planned to do, I don't need to know those details, but please, tell me honestly, what stopped you in that moment?? i don't want to be told about preventative things like being grateful, distraction etc etc. i NEED to know, in that moment when you were honestly going to end it all, why didn't you? When you were beyond all the platitudes and logical thoughts, what stopped you??? Was it you? Was it someone else? Was it simply that your attempt failed for whatever reason? Because I have to know, from people who really have been there, in the time of deepest despair, what kept you alive?

[annie45]

Hi Fiasco

I'm sorry that I have no words that can help.

I understand how you feel and it sucks. I had reasons for sticking around and I'm happy that I did. I just hope that you can find your reason.

We are all here in your corner, hoping that you are ok and can get some help.

Annie

[Fiasco]

I finally called someone. I called the local mental health service. I can't stop shaking. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Because now it's all real again. I can't pretend I'm ok anymore.

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

What stopped me? My kids. And what they would miss. What I would miss. I couldn't see the positives but the sad things were easy.

If I wasn't there my daughter wouldn't have her Mum to straighten her veil and tell her how beautiful she looks. I wouldn't be able to stumble through a mother and son dance at my son's wedding. I wouldn't be able to keep an eye out for postnatal depression and keep them safe.

No matter how low I felt even if I didn't want to be here I knew ... There will be times in their future where they will want or need their Mum. And I don't want to miss that.

[Quercus]

Please be safe Fiasco. If you need to walk into the ER and demand help then do it. Even if it means hospitalisation or meds if it keeps you safe it is worth it.

You are important and loved and worth taking care of even if you can't see it right now.

[annie45]

Great choice Fiasco.

I'm happy to hear this. No need to pretend anymore - it's way too exhausting. Time to get this shit sorted.

Im sending love and luck.