help needed - i just can't ask

[annie45]

Hi This is the first time I've tried something like this so I'm nervous as hell. I'm struggling with depression. I have a good friendship network, wonderful family and even a good counsellor. But I can't open up to any of them. I've told them that i feel depressed and they ask all the right questions, but I can't respond. I can't verbalise it. Worse still I immediately put on a brave face and downplay how I feel when they ask. I don't want to. I want to express how horrible I feel but I can't. I'm not suicidal but I constantly picture myself doing something to hurt myself, something that will release me from this place - almost wishing that I could, but I have two young children and a wonderful husband that i can't do that to. I had a good week last week, and felt as though I was improving, yet the past two days I feel myself going down again. I don't know how to get out of this hole. Please help

[Quercus]

Hi Annie 😊

I just wanted to pop by and see how you were holding up...

There is no pressure to reply just sending you my support and care and sitting with you for a while.

If you need to talk you know we're listening. I have no advice to give... Just really hope your offline supports are stepping up to give you a bit of TLC right now.

❤ Nat

[annie45]

Thanks ladies for your caring messages

I'm doing ok, fluctuating between good and bad I guess. There has been a lot of support come my way - without me having to ask which is good for me.

Still so many unknowns at the moment. Unsure of what the next few years will look like although knowing that they won't be that pleasant.

I'm sorry I have been absent from here but had a crazy busy week. I will try to catch up with your worlds soon

thanks again

Annie

[White_Rose]

Dear Annie

This is a confusing time for you. It's more than the knowledge your mom is ill. I guess you thought of this time as getting to know mom again and build a better relationship. You still can do this for the time you have left together.

How is your mom coping? I know it sounds silly but does she understand what is happening? Hearing such dreadful news sometimes makes people minimise the seriousness and act as though it's not much more than the 'flu. I suggest you remain positive (well as much as possible) and perhaps go with whatever your mom says in that respect. No need to make her understand immediately if she does not understand now. She will come to the realisation of her illness after a while.

In the meantime you can start whatever preparations are needed. I'm sorry I do not know enough about MND to make any suggestions and probably neither do you. Here is the web address of MND Australia. https://www.mndaust.asn.au/Home.aspx Pop it in your browser and see how they can help you. Like BB there is a section for Family and Friends plus lots of other help. I think you can get to the state branches of MND from there.

I'm pleased you have a counsellor to talk to. Perhaps ask if you can visit more often for a little while. I was involved in a horrible situation some weeks ago and my psychiatrist said she would see me weekly for a little while. I am so grateful because I can say what I like without wondering id I upset anyone. Working on rebuilding your r/ship with mom may be easier in some ways.

Dump the guilt trip. I know, I really do know how hard this is. You need all your emotional and physical energy to manage this next part of your life and feeling guilty will deplete the store you have. It won't help mom or you. Guilt will hinder your ability to effectively help mom and also to grieve. Nothing you have done or said resulted in this illness and neither has mom's actions. Let the past rest as much as possible and resolve to make your mom's last years the best for both of you.

If further down the track you can tell her you love her then that's all you need to do. Love allows you to let go of your hurt, necessary for your mental and emotional health. Talking with your counsellor will help you a great deal. Please write here often if you can. We are here to help and support you. Viva the SFC.

Mary

[Robbie_A]

Hello Annie,

Firstly you have made a big step to opening up on this forum clearly and asking for help and some advice,so much respect for doing that.

As I am new to this also and have been working really hard on my mental health this year.

What I did was really surrender to my illness and really put myself out there for the first time in my life,i and it was soooo hard, especially because like you I have always had to put a brave face on for my loved ones.

This year I looked for things that really made me happy,and it didn't have to be what everyone else thought should make me happy,and I asked my family and close friends to respect the fact that I really need to work on me and find myself and I needed time.

That was the best thing I've done for myself in forever,its been nearly 8 months and I have learnt I love homemaking,and I enjoy writing music, this time has helped me open up to my counselors and slowly I have opened up to my family and now I'm so much more present in everything we do..

I learnt to sit with my feelings and found the tools to be able to put things that May be upsetting me aside just for the moment.. I would also find one thing a day I wanted to achieve and it could be as simple as cleaning the house and that's all I needed,day by day one step at a time..

I find that honesty has become much easier for me now,especially when I was extremely good at down playing everything and diverting the topic of myself.now I keep it simple and I be caring to myself and my feelings.

I really hope it makes abit of sense to you and helps in anyway..

It takes time but I'm sure you will get there with opening up like you have today,so well done because this is such a safe place..

Good luck annie

I look forward to hearing more about you in a positive way 😊

[annie45]

Thanks Mary

Some really practical advice that I needed. I have avoided the mnd site so far as I really don't want to know the details but it is something that I will need to do soon.

Mum seems ok with it. Getting practical and organising wills ect. Too say that her attitude and acceptance has surprised me is putting it lightly!

At the moment I'm having good days and bad. Today has been a good day, surprising considering that I saw my counsellor today - maybe I'm getting better at that....

I have been pretty absent on the bb forum as I concentrate on what's going on around me. I hope that things are going well for you

cheers

Annie

[annie45]

Hi Robbie

welcome to bb and thank you for your reply to my post.

Its funny but your advice is so simple but often the things we forget to do. Thanks for reminding me of these tools.

I think you will like the bb forum. It provides such genuine support and advice just when you need it the most.

Take care

Annie

[Quercus]

Hi Annie 😊

I'm glad to hear your Mum is taking it well... I think it's amazing how calm someone can be when it is themself. If it was you she'd probably be a worried mess just like how you feel for her. We want to protect the people we love most of all.

My mum is having a lump cut out next week. The doc is pretty sure it is cancerous. And she is completely relaxed (not put on at all). Keeps saying what's the worst that can happen? I have had a wonderful life. I have a husband and daughters and grandchildren I love. So whatever happens I am happy.

It is hard to be the one who wants to protect. You have such a loving and good heart Annie.

I hope you can find a moment today just to breathe. We are here for you ❤

❤ Nat

[annie45]

Today is a good day ....so I thought it was about time to pause and reflect.

I am so very thankful that I stumbled across this forum. You ladies have helped me no end.

From the initial stages of simply having the support to admit when things were wrong and then to poke a toe into the counselling area. I was very scared and nervous but your warmth and encouragement got me over that line.

Once there, I needed to come to terms with certain events. By sharing your stories, courage, feelings, thoughts and victories, I too was able to share more than I ever have before. It has defiantly helped me understand a lot more about myself.

And finally, when all else failed and I was still struggling you persevered with trying to convince me to not feel shameful or defeated about taking meds. You patiently waited for to come around and then helped me make the decision. The finally link in the chain that has allowed me to begin to have more good days than bad.

I know I'm not cured, but I'm hopeful and sometimes thats nearly as good.

So from the bottom of my heart I want to say thank you. I know that some of you are struggling at the moment, but please just pause and reflect. See the impact that your words, your story and your strength has on those around you. You are making a difference every single day and I'm bloody lucky that you are.

Thanks ladies

Annie

[Guest_3712]

Best news I've heard in a long time

Go you !!

🏅🎉❤️

[Quercus]

Hi Annie,

You've made my day. Thank you 😊

As soon as I saw your thread had a new post I was happy.

I am constantly proud of the progress you have made.

I'm in awe of your strength and how you have slowly perservered. One step at a time.

And most of all I'm thankful. I relate to your story. Even writing to you helps me. And you have always helped and supported and cheered in return. I value and appreciate you.

Enjoy your good day Annie. Hope you are relaxing on your lawn in the sun.

❤ Nat