help needed - i just can't ask

[annie45]

Hi This is the first time I've tried something like this so I'm nervous as hell. I'm struggling with depression. I have a good friendship network, wonderful family and even a good counsellor. But I can't open up to any of them. I've told them that i feel depressed and they ask all the right questions, but I can't respond. I can't verbalise it. Worse still I immediately put on a brave face and downplay how I feel when they ask. I don't want to. I want to express how horrible I feel but I can't. I'm not suicidal but I constantly picture myself doing something to hurt myself, something that will release me from this place - almost wishing that I could, but I have two young children and a wonderful husband that i can't do that to. I had a good week last week, and felt as though I was improving, yet the past two days I feel myself going down again. I don't know how to get out of this hole. Please help

[White_Rose]

Hello Annie

Many congratulations for accepting AD may help you. Side effects can be a nuisance but many of them settle down quite quickly. It's so nice to feel relaxed and happy and strange too as this is a state of being we have been away from for a while. My AD make me a bit sleepy so I take them at night. Horses for courses.

I am managing better these days. The bogus person in my life has been found guilty and given 12 months jail. Sadly it is a suspended sentence so he is on parole and will be walking on eggshells for the next two years. At least I hope so. Anything can put him in jail.

It really is amazing what a difference taking AD can be. I think the whole world changes colour.

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Annie,

Just wanted to drop by and find out how you are going? Are the meds helping at all? Have your sleep and nausea symptoms eased at all?

Hope you are finding some relief and I'm thinking of you.

❤ Nat

[annie45]

Hi Ladies

yes I definitely think the meds are helping. The stars have aligned this week and a project I've been thinking of has grown legs bringing me much pleasure. I'm a bit drousy but might try swapping back to a night dosage soon. The nausea has passed thankfully.

Its funny but I can almost hear you all say 'I told you so'. I just wanted to thank you all for your patience. I can't explain why it was such a hard decision for me but thanks for the gentle prods.

I hope you have all had a good week

Annie

[Quercus]

Hi Annie 😊

Not a single "I told you so" will be uttered because we're too busy cheering and celebrating that you are feeling good (and because it's not really a useful thing to say!).

❤🌈❤🌈❤🌈❤🌈❤🌈❤🌈

I am happy for you Annie. Thank you for giving the meds a go.

❤ Nat

[White_Rose]

Hello Annie

I'm with Quercus cheering on the sidelines. So very, very pleased for you. Side effects usually do go away quite quickly.

Some decisions take time. You had lots of misinformation as I recall and needed to work through that first.

Mary

[Guest_3712]

Hi Annie my friend

So glad you are getting some positive results from the meds

take care

Stressless

[annie45]

Well that didn't last long....

Feeling emotional drained and defeated following a counselling session today. I'm not even sure why?

We were chatting about how a lack of connection with mum during childhood has now made me fear my emotions. That I try to bury them deep down. That I struggle to recognise my connections to places and people and the emotions attached to them.

The session just got harder and harder and now I'm really struggling and I can't put my finger on why

So frustrated

Hope your all having a better day

Annie

[Guest_3712]

Hey Annie,

Yes those type of sessions do suck- but you know its because its bringing things to the surface like she said that you've buried and are now facing. Its hard and its something that cant be rushed. I used to get really mad with my psych when we went into these areas, and then I wouldn't talk about it again for ages

Of course on some level I knew it was necessary and over time, I did talk more and more but it was never easy and it always hurt

My best advice- go at your own pace. Don't think to much in- between sessions or give yourself a set amount of time per day like 10 minutes after dinner or such.

Lots to deal with and in my case lots of things I had buries so deep I virtually had little memory of it- I had convinced myself none of it had happened.

So be kind to yourself my friend especially now as you are starting to feel benefits of AD's

Stressless

[Quercus]

Hi Annie (and Stressless),

I've got nothing useful to add (SL said it all 😊)!

Just thinking of you Annie. Loved your post about accepting your Mum is how she is.

❤ Nat

PS Stressless I haven't forgotten you have just been a silent reader lately 😊

[Guest_3712]

Hey Annie,

Havent seen you around for a while so thought I would just check in and make sure you are doing ok.

Just pop into the Circle and say hi if you don't feel like talking- someone always around to give you a hug

Take Care my friend

Stressless