Hello Annie
Sorry I did not reply earlier. Unfortunately Tuesday and Wednesday (today) have been big days with me out of the house all day. Had a quick peek at BB this morning but not enough time to respond to anyone.
Congratulations on admitting to yourself that you need to open up. Well done for writing a note for the counsellor. It will still be valid next week. Quercus suggestion of facing away from the counsellor is a good idea. I know some of them think it's better to have eye contact but this can be difficult. I often find myself looking to the side of my psych at the wall behind. I don't care if she thinks this is rude. Occasionally I make eye contact but it can be difficult.
Just out of interest, what did the counsellor say when you returned after saying you were well? Do you think this may be the reason you have returned and made such an enormous step? I think you are getting more comfortable and will be able to open up a little. No need to do it all immediately, just baby steps. That's all we can manage is small steps, one at a time.
I need to be honest and not downplay my feelings or create a distraction. Oh dear that's what I used to do, downplay my feelings and create a distraction. No wonder my psych got cheesed off. He used to say I started to say something then made a joke and changed the subject. Do you know, I hadn't even realised I did this until he told me. I was so busy showing how well I was or bursting into tears that it's a wonder I ever said anything useful. I think the only big piece of information I gave was when I begged him to help me suicide (he refused, can't think why).
So when do you get to see her? Sometime next week? Practice what you want to say by writing it down and taking it with you. If you cannot bring yourself to sat anything just hand over your writings.
Meanwhile, keep talking to us here.
Mary
