FESTIVE SEASON STRUGGLES

[Doolhof]

Season's Greetings everyone.

We have a lovely cheery Christmas and New Years thread started up in the Social Zone. Hope you can drop by there and share some joy and happiness.

This is the alternate thread, where you can share the not so pleasant memories of Christmas or the concerns you may have for Christmas 2016.

For me, my depressive brain decides to hassle me about Christmas in November! That is so unnecessary! I need to break this habit!

So on this thread you can share the negative and hopefully find a positive at the end.

You might like to share what the worst present was that you ever received, or how sad and miserable you are at Christmas.

By sharing, we may well be able to help and support each other through a time that can be very tough for some.

This is the place to vent, the thread on the Social Zone is also waiting for you to add your happy thoughts and memories of Christmas and New Years.

Thinking of you all, hugs from Mrs. Dools

[white knight]

Mrs Dolls

Sending my live and care to you at this difficult time.

Lift your chin, see the light, breathe deep feel the air and think good things you can share...

Tony WK

[Dreamwish]

hello everyone

that was a nice thing to see in the department stores Mrs Dools, bittersweet happiness perhaps but still a bit of happiness nonetheless. I've always loved christmas, I love the decorations and buying presents and seeing them under the tree and I like that its a different time of the year. It was always an exciting time when I was a child, all my relatives got together and I'd see my cousins and we'd have a big party.

Since my grandparents died none of my relatives get together for christmas anymore its now just me, my parents and my brother. I guess they all have their own families now. I'm so envious of people with close families. This year is the first year I won't see my brother as he lives in another state and is not coming home. I haven't seen him since last christmas.

I'm still looking forward to decorating my house and buying presents but on the day I will have to spend it with my parents as is tradition, but I only have a surface level relationship with them. I will put on a smile and pretend happy happy joy joy but inside I will miss my brother dearly. He has escaped them (and me) and I don't blame him for not coming home for xmas. I'd do the same if I could. I hope for strength that day, it will be hard.

For a positive, I look forward to my pets "opening" their presents, my cats are usually not terribly interested unless its a food treat but my dog tries ripping into his with his little paws and he loves all his gifts, especially the squeaky duck I always get him which lasts about 2 minutes before he rips the squeaker part out, haha!

Hope to hear more stories of everyone's christmases and we can support each other through what is a tough time for a lot of people. It can be beautiful as well.

I hope to help out feeding the homeless on boxing day as well this year.

regards

dreamwish

[Doolhof]

Hi Tony,

Mrs. Dolls, I like that!

Last night I had a look on the internet for European Christmas decorations and so many beautiful sites came up.

A few years ago we were lucky enough to be in Europe at Christmas time. Their Christmas markets and decorations are incredible.

I spent quite some time looking at the glorious decorations and displays, so very different from those we see here usually in Australia.

Some of the vintage Christmas sites gave me ideas for things I may be able to make myself.

Yes, Christmas can be a struggle, it can be so beautiful and precious as well.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dolls

[Doolhof]

Hi Dreamwish,

Thanks for sharing your Christmas story with us all. Will you telephone your brother for Christmas? I try to call my family at Christmas if I am not going to be seeing them.

That will be a little difficult this year as we will be in Bali for Christmas. I will call them before we leave. I might even try to get to where my parents live before Christmas or early in the New Year. It would be easier if I could just drive there for the day and return, but it involves a 4 hour drive one way and a boat trip.

I love the story about the presents for your pets. How gorgeous. Reminds me of my sister's dog! We always went to Church for Christmas. We were allowed to open one present before going to Church. One year when we returned home, the remainder of the gifts had been ripped open and partly shredded.

The dog had decided she wanted them all for herself. Problem was she found some chocolates and managed to eat most of them. Mum had a sick dog to look after and we tried to work out which present belonged to whom.

Hopefully you will have a lovely day for Christmas and will enjoy Boxing Day.

In the past we have invited friends to our place to join us for Christmas. That has always been lovely.

Yes, Christmas can be beautiful.

Since sharing messages here, I am feeling so much more positive about Christmas. Thanks everyone for your much appreciate support and good wishes!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[Dreamwish]

Hey Mrs Dools

That is so funny about your sisters dog, helping herself to the presents while you were all out! Silly thing eating the chocolates they don't know whats good for them haha. Glad she was ok though. What lovely traditions you have with your family. Yes I will call my brother on christmas day for sure, I actually hope to myself he will surprise visit us but I think thats out of the question.

I hope you manage to have a truly wonderful christmas too Mrs Dools, over in Bali this year!! Gosh how exciting, hope you get to relax over there and enjoy yourself. So pleased you are feeling more positive, xmas is probably always going to be an emotional or stressful time. I agree with the epiphany you had, I too feel that way about always having to spend xmas day with my parents or my partners parents (none of those people I have a good relationship with) I feel like thats out of my control but I try have the next day, Boxing Day where I do what I want to do, to make my own christmas traditions.

I'd love to experience a European christmas one day, that must have been a cool trip!

Thanks for sharing too 🙂

dreamwish

[Guest_184]

I'm struggling at this time of the year too. I usually absolutely love Christmas and enjoy decorating my tree and putting fairy lights everywhere, going to parties, being with family, baking gorgeous biscuits. Last year was very special as I met my ex partner in December and we had a very beautiful Christmas and New Years together. So this year I am dreading it because I worry that I will be dwelling on that. I am considering just going away somewhere and escaping Christmas this year. I am looking for cheap holiday deals. I'm not sure how else to cope through this time and stop thinking about the beautiful memories from last year. I haven't contacted him for a couple of months, but the last he said was that he is seeing someone knew since 3 months after our breakup, and to never contact him again and find a new best friend. That really hurt and was like he was rubbing salt in. I can see him doing all the same things we used to do, but with someone else, and it hurts so much.

[Doolhof]

Hi Dreamwish,

I have no idea at all what we will get up to on Christmas Day in Bali.

Today my husband told his parents we would not be with them for Christmas. We had expected them to be annoyed, angry and upset. They both took it very well! Maybe they are mellowing in their older age!

I told them if we don't see them before Christmas, we will catch up with them in the New Year. They were fine with that.

Christmas celebrations do not all have to be jammed into one day do they? Sounds like a great idea to spread things out a little.

Cheers for now Mrs. D

[Doolhof]

Hi Gabriella,

I'm so very sorry to read your story! Looks like this is your first post here on this forum. So firstly I would like to welcome you. This is a place where you will not be judged, but will be accepted, acknowledged and appreciated for the person you are.

It must be very hard to think of your ex partner now being with someone else. Times like Christmas and New Years can be difficult.

You mentioned family and going out with friends. Could you try to become involved in family plans for Christmas this year? Do you have family members or friends who might like to bake with you? You could make it a real fun thing to do with a small group of people.

Is it possible to come up with something totally different to do for Christmas? One year we decided to have a picnic lunch in a park with my husband's family. Once there we had to fight for space! So many other people were doing the same thing!

Maybe this year it might be beneficial to get away and go somewhere else. The thing is though, your thoughts and emotions will go with you!

I realise that myself. We are going to Bali for Christmas. It will still be my same brain with the same memories and emotions tagging along with me. I need to find ways to deal with those thoughts and emotions.

I'm seeing my Dr next week to have a chat with him about it all. I have also expressed my negative thoughts and emotions regarding Christmas here, and it has helped.

If you do go away, make sure you can still contact family and friends. Going away is good, but isolating yourself might not be so healthy.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D

[Guest_184]

Hi Doolhof,

Thanks for your response. I think my idea of going away is probably a deliberate attempt to isolate myself and I'm not sure why. I feel as though nobody likes me and I don't want to spread my misery.

I've been depressed since the breakup 6 months ago and have been on medication for 2 months which has helped. I started to feel as though it was not having any effect because I still felt depressed, but after I ran out of tablets and missed 2 days, I remembered just how badly I had been feeling before I started taking it. I then lost all motivation to go and spend time with people or to do anything and all I could do was cry. I am back on the medication since today and feel a bit better already.

My family usually do the same thing every year so I don't think I can change things up, but I am responsible for bringing a couple of salads. Since being depressed, I've had trouble planning ahead with things too. I don't want to think far ahead or plan anything. I used to be a keen planner! It just feels like pressure now.

My ex partner, I fell in love with him and thought I would spend my life with him. It didn't work out and he hurt me badly. Now I am a complete mess. I thought there would be many more Merry Christmases, Happy New Years and sweet Valentine's Days to come. It's hard letting go of that.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have very mixed feelings about Christmas. When very young I enjoyed it but after moving to Australia missed the extended family gatherings. It also felt strange being summer. When I married and had children it was fun again as we we visited my family & then my husband's family & the children enjoyed spending time with their grandparents, cousins & uncles & aunts. We tried instituting traditions for our family to make the day meaningful for our kids. This worked until my dad died a week before Christmas & even when I'm not consciously thinking about him there has been a depressed feeling around the anniversary of his death. Years later my mum dies less than a month before Christmas and we have had several other disastrous Christmases. One year my husband was very unwell another year my son was in a psych hospital. His visit home was cut short when he became suicidal (The meal seemed to trigger bad feelings) I find it stressful trying to get everything done for Christmas & my feelings of inferiority are triggered as I find it hard to buy presents ( I worry I will get it wrong) I worry that my cooking isn't good enough & the end of the year reminds me of all I haven't achieved or completed that year. I am trying to do as much as possible ahead of time to decrease the stress.

I do like spending time with my children & grandchildren.