Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Agree Velvet,

If I asked my ex to have the kids so i could do half of what he does it would be no.

Mt teenagers are spending couple of days with their aunt and uncle on their dad's side. They always make an effort to have them over on the school holidays which is very generous and i get along with them. It is a nice break for me but as always they are off doing things that i can't do with them and it make me feel useless. My daughter and her aunt are getting manicures and pedicures today, something my daughter would love but i can't do that with her, just cannot justify the cost. She sent me a photo of her nails and her feet getting done which is cute but it makes me feel like crap. Everyone else does the fun things with my kids. I just cop the backlash and attitude when i have to say no.

On another note, yesterday my son was telling me his plans for the week and threw in that on Thursday his GF wants him to sleep at here house. I was taken aback a little. They are 16 so I can't stop then but i wasn't expecting it. She is lovely and her parents seem lovely from what i hear. They Are divorced but get along really well. His gf lives with her dad and my son said he is ok with him sleeping over, in her bed. i asked him if they had done anything yet and he said he wouldn't tell me which i took as a yes. I feel a bit weird about it but I guess if they want to do thing and i appreciate that. 

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Firstly, my sincere apologies about the huge delay in-between my posts, I saw your Christmas post to me just now and I really appreciated it. I took a break as had a lot of things going on personally and was really struggling at times. I am feeling a little better now and was in the right headspace to tackle the forums again and start helping where I can. I read your last post about your kids being away with the aunt and uncle, does allow for good "you time" which is always needed.

The one with your son sleeping at his girlfriends house is always a fun one for parents, not sure how you would react to that but it seems you have a pretty open mind about things which is decent of you as well.

How was everything else been? Most importantly, how are you?

My best,

Jay

[Quercus]

Hi CMF,

Yep that's the crap part about being Mum hey. You do all the organising and cooking and cleaning and keep the roof over their head and everyone else gets to swan in and be a hero. Do the fun stuff.

And the worst bit... You give everything. Time. Money. Effort. So when you do have kid free time there's nothing left for any fun for yourself. Yep. I know this one.

Eww. I'm going to just pretend I didn't read about your son's "sleep over". My son is 4. And I'm already dreading the day it is my turn for that moment. I suppose all you can do is ask him to be safe. Could be worse I suppose at least they're at her house. My Dad walked in on us in my teens poor thing. Scarred him for life.

On that note... Do you think maybe this worry also relates to the lack of fun for you? Feel free to tell me to get lost and mind my own business.

It feels crap to know others are moving on in life and having new experiences when you are stuck.

I've said it before (and you always say you've written off dating) but CMF not all blokes are jerks like your exes. And there is nothing wrong with you that attracts jerks just in case you were worried.

Would you say no to a night out and feeling pretty and wanted? Or a day out (put little miss in daycare and go out for the day).

Just a thought. Eww. I am freaking out already about the TALK one day. And knowing my luck I'll probably be one of those parents squeamishly finding used condoms in my house. Bleh.

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

How nice to hear from you. I have missed you but no apology needed, you are allowed to have time away from all the hard work you put in here. I'm sad to hear you were struggling over the last few weeks and do hope you are feeling better. Ah yes teenagers.I figured it is better ti be open minded so they are honest about what they are doing and where they are (I wasn't). They are going to find ways regardless, I'm not going to kid myself there, and I want them to feel they can always come to me if they need to. I have been ok. Trying to new budget/spending plan and sticking to it so far as best I can. Time will tell if it will work or not or if i am kidding myself. I have been busy decluttering and do something each day. i have changed my diet a bit. I was doing low carb but think I was being too strict so i have loosened the reins about on that and i do feel better physically and mentally. I was feeling quite empty and flat. Bit of anxiety here and there but generally ok.

Hey Nat,

Sorry my son's proposed sleepover irked you lol. Not a lot i can do about it as I mentioned above. You asked me ' Do you think maybe this worry also relates to the lack of fun for you?' No, absolutely not, I have no interest. Couldn't care less for dressing up and feeling pretty and wanted. I'm actually quite proud of myself for feeling this way because i never felt this way. I always needed to have someine else to complete me or make me feel good but not anymore. I am enough. Yes, I do get lonely at times and when I see families out and about i envy them but it's ok. Some people don't have things that i have so i guess it is swings and roundabouts. As far as used condoms in the house, yeah - no thanks. I wouldn't be too comfortable with his GF sleeping here but if her dad is happy for them to be at this house, well so be it.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

Teens will be teens. We were all teens once. Although I am not a mother, the majority of my friends' kids confide in me. And yeh, you can only educate them.They are going to do it anyway!

My most humble 2c.

HOME TIME NOW WOO. Going to destroy chocolate 😄

V.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I have missed you too, I am feeling better, just home problems, wife and I nearly broke up on the weekend. We aren't in a good place but life goes on and I will keep working to try and fix it. Don't want to burden you with my issues however. I am glad to read that de-cluttering has been happening, that is always a positive for you and a change of diet is always a good thing too. How are you finding it however?

I am very happy to read that generally you have been ok, anxiety will come and go in waves. We all know that.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Oh Jay, I'm sorry to hear of your home problems. It is not a burden to me at all, please, please, please talk to me if you need to. I have a lot of experience in that area 😊. Change of diet has been good, I feel lighter and better. I love decluttering. I've been doing other things too, rearranging the garden for example. Have some ideas I wAnt to work on tomorrow. I don't know why but I really feel at peace. I think it's to do with little miss starting school and knowing I can look for work. Last year I felt so guilty having free time. My attitude is different now. Maybe it's the school holidays, not rushing around. I don't know, I just feel peaceful.

I'm here for you Jay, anytime.

hugs

cmf

[CMF]

Velez,

tried to have a bit of a chat to him tonight, he got embarrassed and it was awkward. Sounds like they've already done the deed...eeeewwww. I just asked him and made sure her dad is ok with it, not much else I can do. My son thinks he practically lives there, lol. He goes there few times a week just for the day. I guess I can expect more sleepovers.

[Doolhof]

Hi CMF and All,

Please excuse me while I hijack your thread for a moment.

Hi Jay,

I too am sorry to read that your are struggling on the home front. Please know that you are more than welcome to share your story here just as much as anyone else. I also know that some people do not like to share, so that is okay as well, just know that people do care for you.

My husband and I have been so close to separating the last few years many times over. Wishing you well in finding answers and working through the issues.

Back to the current topic

I wish my Mum had been able to tell me about the birds and the bees, would have saved me a lot of trouble! I was a tomboy as a kid so didn't learn anything from girlfriends and our teachers seemed to have skipped the whole "Sex Ed" bit as well.

Talk about going out into the world blind! Leaving home and my home state at 17 didn't help either with absolutely no knowledge or comprehension of sex and expectations.

Parents, talk to your kids!

Cheers from Dools

[CMF]

Hi Mrs D,

I was also blind. In grade 5 or 6 the boys and girls were separated anf given a talk pn puberty. We reveived a book which i took home to show my mum. Her response 'make sure you read it'. That was it. No further discussion. My mum was a beautiful lady just very quiet and reserved. European background may have contributed.

I think when i drop him off I'll make sure he has protection!

CMF x