Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Paul, It's people like you that make be believe there are good men out there. I know you too have had a tough year yet you're here time after time supporting others and offering encouragement and positivity.

I really hope 2018 sees you continue to have good/better health and that you find the happiness you so deserve.

Happy New Year - Your friend

cmf x

[quirkywords]

CMF, I have enjoyed reading your thread and seeing your insights and ups and downs throughout the year,

Happy New year to you and your family.

Quirky

[CMF]

Thank you Quirky,

wishing you the very best for 2018 also. I hope we can all find who we really are and be happy and proud of it.

Happy New Year

cmf x

[Quercus]

Hi CMF 😊

Happy New Year!

I wanted to thank you. You've written to me quite a few times lately and I've been really touched and appreciative of what you have to say. So thank you for the gift of your support.

My hope for your new year is that you are able to begin to see that you are deserving of the same kindness and respect that you give to others and to expect it.

As Paul mentioned you are a gift to the forums.

By the way recently I saw something that made me think of your terrariums. Near my house a tidy little sign on the roadside. Plant and giftware sale. A person had set up in their front yard like a garage sale... But all the goods were new. It was a fantastic kid friendly idea! Although it would be nice to ask a neighbour or two if they can help out or join in just in case of loo breaks and for security.

What do you think?

Also I made nappy cakes for a market stall (which fell through due to fire risk in the area). Was upset because I had spent the money to make them and didn't want multiple people coming to our house. So I put them online as a bulk lot. Lots of pictures. Ready to resell. It is another thought. If you make jewellery or similar maybe a bulk lot to resell would be easier to sort out with kids to manage. One sale only to work the logistics of.

A new year CMF. Fresh start. Boundaries for others and a removal of your own feelings of restriction. Freedom and determined steps forward no matter how tiny those steps feel.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Hi Nat,

Thanks for your lovely words and good wishes.

I have thoughts of the garage sale type set up several times but i kept making excuses...no one will come, my street's to quiet, too busy, waste of time etc. I clean out my shed a lot and always say 'let's have a garage sale' I'm in the process of cleaning out now and have a pile for garage sale/donation. If i do have one i will definitely out out my handmade good too. I really just want to get rid of them all. I feel i have achieved a lot so far with this clean out.

I just saw a new break (I don't watch the news) and they said Melbourne house prices have dropped first time in 2 years. Well this has triggered me a little. I know it is silly because everything is relative and I have spoken with the RE agent in the past and he told me that even if they drop it is not a lot . I don't know what i will do this year but now feel a little less motivated and am thinking is hold have sold last year ( i wasn't ready to sell) and i should have done this and should have done that blah, blah, blah.I'm feeling a little negative now, i need to stop it as I was on a roll of feeling good and positive, wanting to go back to work, feeling hopeful,changing habits,clearing out clutter. When i finish the clean up i want to box up and label the things i want to keep so that IF I decide to move it will be ready to go and the clean out will be done. I Really wish i didn't hear that news flash. It's really deflated me.

cmf x

[blondguy]

Hey Country Music Festival

I am like yourself. I heard about the 'teenie' drop in house prices today on 3aw this afternoon. I am also decluttering as well....and have been doing so for a while now and slowly getting there...I just read that you have achieved a lot with your clean out so far...You are a serious weapon and good on you cmf

I have a solid Tasmanian Blackwood dining table and buffet that I cant even give away (because its the old dark furniture which nobody wants) even though its beautiful with a glass top as well as two portable air-con units that I will have to let go for next to nothing on gumtree. Its such a pain but they are taking up so much space I have to write myself a sticky note a poster sized one to remind myself to place an ad tomorrow so I can declutter even more. Like yourself I will have more room and it feels better without the clutter anyway...even though I am proud of making progress. Its just hard letting go of stuff sometimes

I tried to tell my brother that 'if you havent used it in 24 months' its time to get rid of it. Its easily said but I am trying my best to follow my own advice on this one

I hope that 2018 is good to you country music festival

Paul

[CMF]

Thanks Paul,

i really hope you continue to do well too. Yes I have decided if it doesn't serve a purpose in my life it goes. Isn't it a great feeling to declutter. No more shoes, bags or clothes either. In fact, having less clothes is better because it means I need to do washing more often which keeps me busy. I have been very busy and productive last few days and I've raealise how good it is for me. I've been home with little miss nearly 5 years, i wouldn't change any of that, but I need to get out there and be busy. It's good for me. Not just busy, productive.

This is the year for it!

[blondguy]

Thanks Country Music Festival

Productive....as usual you have nailed it cmf. Productive is Positive...Busy is an another matter altogether.

You will know when the time is right.

I have my own set of hurdles for 2018 and you are right...Its is the year for self improvement for sure

Does Moon know that we were all staring at the full moon on New Years Eve? lol 😉

[CMF]

Today i continued my clean out of the shed. I have a big pile for garage sale/op shop and some rubbish to throw out.. It just feels that no matter how much i clear out there is still so much stuff. All was going well then i started clearing out old paperwork ie old bills etc and out of nowhere i start getting palpitations and feeling anxious and panicky.

Strange. Still a little anxious but ok.

[Quercus]

Hi CMF 😊

Sorry I took a while to reply. You sound positive on the whole. There have been things that have thrown you (financial triggers) but you seem to be able to let them go for now.

Which brings me to my question 😊. If you sat down and analysed why you are feeling mostly ok right now... What has caused it? What are you doing now that is different than when you don't feel good?

There's no need to answer just food for thought.

I love the declutter idea. We started packing before we painted the house and recently hubby said... When we build our new house we'll leave all the stuff in the shed and only bring an item in if we want or need it. After a year if it's in the shed it's sold or given away. The down side is he is very minimalist so to me our house is very harsh at the moment. Bare bones furniture. Empty walls. Cold except for my plants 😊.

I love the garage sale plan! Ideas are easy. Following them through is the hard bit (for me anyway). Have you thought about what you will do while little miss is at school? Maybe it's time for a list of tiny jobs you could try just as a taste of freedom? I found a flyer recently asking for pamphlet deliverers. You work whenever you like and get lots of exercise. There are two ladies in my area who put a box in a converted pram and off they go. They walk and talk and laugh and it is a pleasure to see. Probably not a huge income but it is something.

Hope you feel good today.

❤ Nat