Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF · ‎20-02-2017

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

CMF · ‎02-12-2017

Thanks Velvet,

Yes, I can only hope. We didn't get the thunderstorm today, just rain all day. Could have had the open but it was better to play it safe. Hey, at least my house is spotless for a day or so 🙂

CMF · ‎02-12-2017

I've just posted in Tony's 'Dilemma' thread...and I then came across this;

Apply for that job. Date that person.Buy that plane ticket. Move to that city. Do all the things that sare you, they're worth it.

CMF · ‎03-12-2017

Gosh I am so tired, the shingles I suspect. A bit sore yesterday, the stress i was feeling didn't help. It feels better today, just so tired. My son is feeling/looking better. It is his bday today but he was at his dad's this weekend as they had his party. He got money from everyone but has told me that now he has a part time job he would prefer gifts. This was music to my ears because it means that i can shop for bargains for xmas as here are a few good deals on. Imay be able to pick things up without spending as much. I do prefer to give a gift as it has more thought than just putting money in an envelope. My older daughter has mentioned few things she needs so i am slowly getting them. They are not the labels that she would probably prefer so hope she ok with that. It means I can get her more of what she wants rather than 1 or 2 things that have an expensive brand name on the front advertising that brand. They are after all made in the same factories. We have had this discussion, about how everything comes out of the same factory but some get a kmart label and some get another label and a bigger price tag. I'll keep the receipts and if she wants to return and get the 'labels' she can make up the difference with her own money she gets for xmas. Gosh it is all moving so quickly. So disappointed about the open being cancelled yesterday but trying not to let it get me down. It was the right decision considering possible weather conditions. It's fine to do it another day but I can't maintain the house the way it is and it means a big day of cleaning inside and out again and working around the kids.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Doolhof · ‎03-12-2017

Hi CMF and All,

I remember the cleaning of the house ready for open days! Then the people who wanted to have another look at the house at the drop of a hat!

Guess if they really want to buy the place that is okay. Catching the cat and stuffing her in the cat box each time then into the car was a little traumatic for the cat and us! Ha. Ha.

Sorry to read about the shingles! Hope you get better soon.

Cheers from Dools

velvetfaerie · ‎03-12-2017

Hey guys

BballJ · ‎03-12-2017

Hi CMF,

Just caught up on your last few threads, apologies for my delay in posting back to you.

I am glad you son is feeling better, it sounds like he is dealing with a good bout of anxiety, lucky you are able to be there for him and support him, I know he really appreciates it. It is also good that you can buy him gifts for Christmas now instead of cash as anything to ease the burden on you is a good thing. Did it all go well with their dad in the end?

Sorry the shingles are playing up on your as well. I know you are disappointed that the open house didn't happen but remember it was nothing you could control and these things just happen, you don't want someone coming in all wet and bothered by the rain and frustrated when looking at the house, I know it isn't easy on the kids but this is the decision you have to make and no one can say anything about it.

Look at the positive, you have a nice clean house at the moment, yay!

My best,

Jay

CMF · ‎04-12-2017

Hey Velez and Jay,

How are you both feeling?

Yas the house is clean...or was for a short period of time ☺ The weekend went well with their dad. My son came home early as he spent yesterday with his GF. His dad then dropped off a bike for him which had been sitting at his office forever. My son's been thinking of getting a bike so this was a bonus. He seemed to be feeling better this morning so hopefully he will be ok now. His gf is so thoughtful and lovely and they really like each other. I know they are so young but I'm glad he has her. I really like her.

Bumped into the RE agent this morning said that when i want to re schedule the open to let him know but he will ring 2 interested parties and see if they want to have a look. We made the right call Saturday, weather was terrible. I asked how his auctions went and he said just ok and not many people at open houses. Oh well, move on from it and think ahead. I'e started a list of places I want to apply for jobs next year too.

Shingles are improving still pain in my hip though and so tired.

Hope you had a good day.

CMF

CMF · ‎04-12-2017

Tomorrow little miss has school orientation and i need to pick up the rest of her school uniform. I told 'him' a few weeks ago, told him the amount and he said yep, just let me know. I reminded him today and he laughed and said oh yeah ok and told me how he is looking to buy a karcher to clean outside. No mention of the school uniform. He did pay some child support a few weeks ago but that barely covered car reg and he knew that. He is so clueless or acting dumb and i refuse to spell it out for him or ask him for money. He knows my situation but is so ignorant. I bought her xmas presents on my own. I have to buy for 3 of them he has no idea. I don't know if he is clueless or choses to play ignorant. He doesn't know what responsibility means. i feel so worked up, i am so tired, exhausted and dont know how i will get through xmas.

velvetfaerie · ‎04-12-2017

Hey CMF. Slept but still tired. Just had a procedure done which was scaring me green. Turns out yup hurt like the dickens. Never have I been so close to fainting. All good now. Just tired n tender.

How are you? I know you are tired too. I can understand why as well. Painful shingles. Painful humans. 😕

I hope the shingles continue to abate. My mum had a shingle once right over her eye. 😱😱😱

I was talking to a friend yesterday and it seems lots of people are going through big life changes at the moment. Some good, some less good, some indifferent.

take care of you

v.

💋

BballJ · ‎04-12-2017

Hi CMF,

I am feeling ok, thanks for asking.

Hopefully these 2 interested parties in your house will come back and want to see it, keep the positive hope up. I am glad you are making a list of places you want to apply for work next year, what sort of roles do you want to do, I don't know if you have ever said, what were you doing previously in your work life? No issue if you do not want to say.

Hmm he goes through phases of when he wants to help and doesn't it seems, I know you said he laughed but do you think if you ask tomorrow for the money he will give it to you? Or are you not going to ask? I know it's tough having to buy for 3 kids, It isn't fair how this burden has fallen on you to do by yourself but keep telling yourself about the great job you are doing and end of the day you can only do what you can do for Christmas, I know you are wondering how you will get through it but like every year, you will get through it and hopefully it is just a happy one for you.

My best,

Jay