Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Then he started with I should buy a dump, knock it down and build 2 townhouses. Told me its easy and the bank will give me the money, no problem, just need a guarantor! Omg what planet is he on??? Said when he finishes renovating he wNts to knock it down and build but he sucked he's mum into going guarNtor, I could never ever ask that of my siblings who are at retirement age with their own kids to worry about. AnywY I zoned out, he's a dreamer. Why would I do that, my anxiety would be through the roof plus, as my psych pointed out, I'd have to pay rent while they are being built. What is this? I dont have met parents to live with while I do all this. It's crazy. He then kept saying he'd put some money in my account as I am down to nothing after giving my son money for the clothes, kept saying he'd do it later tonight but still nothing there. Do I really have to always ask again because he says it but doesn't do it? Enough, I've had enough of being controlled and struggling just st to appease the very one else. Maybe it is time to sell and re evaluate, make some changes instead of drowning like this. My fear is I won't find something suitable in my price range but my RE agent friend said he would find me something. Said selling mine is not an issue but finding something is where the work is but he would find it. Can I trust him? What if I don't and I get stuck renting? I'll never get back into the market but I'm going backwRds at the moment, bit living, not happy, struggling. Maybe it's time. Time to take that leap of faith. If I could sell soon I could move over the school,holidays and be settled before school starts, even if it is renting for now.

maybe it's time to make changes, I've tried for so long, I'm worn out, I'm drowning, suffocating. Maybe I should take a chance? If I don't try I will never know. There could be a better life waiting for me, a happier life for myself and the kids. No more being a puppet to these exes.

[CMF]

I really hate it when he says he'll put money in my account and doesn't do it. He just doesn't get it. I'm just losing it. It's too much.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

There is no need to be sorry for making me get on during the day, I am happy I was alterted to your thread and how you are feeling because that's what support is about, no matter the time of the day so don't think I am forced to be here to support you, you have done a lot for me and I really want to just see you happy.

I know it's tough at the moment, but you can get through this, "he" needs to become more of an afterthought and this where those boundaries we discussed a while back have to come into play. Look at all these people who came here because you were feeling this way. Everyone cares about you because you are a great person. Fights with teenagers I think are just apart of having them, they only see their way and nobody else's. I am sorry it is all weighing you down currently but the storm will pass, it always does.

My best,

Jay

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Just wanted to add, you are not a loser or failure in my eyes. You're supermum.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Thx Jay, will post more later when i have some time.

I have sent all of you something in the 'Bouquet for pearls ' thread.

cmf x

[Guest_3712]

Hi CMF

These guys seriously 😐

Do not go the Reno route- it always costs heaps more and like you said where do you find the time ?

We sold to get out of debt- we were lucky we made a profit after paying off mortgage to do what we’re doing.

If you sell can you come out on top and buy with a larger deposit and smaller mortgage?

Owning is still good security for you if u can - hard to get back into market after leaving and the money goes quick.

Are your 2 eldest old enough for a serious wake up call talk ?

Calmly adult to adult . Show them your incomings and what goes out . Maybe ask for their ideas include them in thinking things through.

If ex says he’s putting money in send him message and sweetly mention it doesn’t seem to have gone in yet can he please do ASAP.

Do these guys have actual legal things in place forcing them to pay if not maybe u should if yes then enforce it . Why should you bring doing it so tough?

Come on my brave friend . Little by little - have a think I know you can improve your situation.

Hope u r ok with advice. My sister has just been through similiar and it was really hard at first but she is getting control of finances and feeling more in control.

Thanks for bouquet- I love succulents - have heaps of different ones here in new place

Cheers

Stressless

[CMF]

My dear friend SL,

You are my dear friend, you know that right?

I wouldn't go the reno route,maybe a few things here and there but not a full blown reno. Been there, done that, don't want to do it again. If i sold, and looking at prices in my area, i would be well in front and could almost buy outright...this is what i am hoping. It is crazy that i keep myself under this pressure and what for? The kids will adjust, i'd stay in this area for their schools and friends etc just maybe a smaller lace. I would like a townhouse and if it has a garage with internal access, which most do i could convert that to a 4th bedroom. My daughter gets it but my son is like a wet rag. We went to an auction today and it got a good price, mine is in a better location so i can only hope i would get what i want for it. Having said that I emailed my RE agent and we are going to have an open next Saturday for just a select few that he knows would being interested . Can only see what happens, if someone is interested a the right price i will seriously consider selling. Could be a good time re settled before school starts. Maybe 2018 will be my year, back to work, back to being me and not just a mum.

'He' did put money in my account. It takes pressure off thats for sure so i am very grateful and he ran this morning to let me know as he knows I often do food shopping on Saturday. Had a chat to my older daughter about yesterday, i really upset her and when she was ready she asked for my side of the story so we got that out and i apologised for upsetting her but explained i needed to get out. We had a good day shopping, little miss was so well behaved and her dad met us there on his lunch break as he often goes there on his break. He took little miss for a walk with him which was nice as it gave me a break. He spoilt her a little in kmart with a few things which was really thoughtful and i saw he enjoyed that. When he rang last night and i vented he asked if it would make it easier if he took her sometimes to give me a break. I think he finally saw the pressure i am under so. Even though I said she is no problem, with is just me being over protective, it would be nice as i can give more time to the other 2. When he finishes his reno i may make a point of it. His heart is in the right place with her. My son and I are still not on great terms but we will survive.

Overall I am feeling better. Maybe it all had to happen to give me a wake up call?

Hugs

cmf x

[Doolhof]

Dear CMF,

I don't understand all that you are going through, but do understand the feeling of not being in control and like you just want it all to go away.

My heart goes out to you. Once again I am deeply moved by the care people show each other on this forum.

Life can suck, it can be horrendous at times and we don't always know which way is up. Knowing other people are here for you, hopefully helps you CMF.

I'm really sorry you are doing it so tough. Wish I had the words to make it easier for you.

Just wanted to let you know that along with others here in this amazing community, I care.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

[CMF]

Hey Mrs Dools,

your words touched my heart, thank you and i truly appreciate you taking the time to posy on my thread. I love seeing you around. Did you take a break as i remeber talking to you many moons ago but hadnt seen much you after that? Perhaps we just moved in different circles. I am very blessed to have the people from the BB community in my life. I habe the ability to change my life. Only I can do it, I am responsible. I have to make it happen. I need to take a leap of faith perhaps, if I don't try I will never know. As much as it distirbs me, the way i felt Friday, i am sort of glad it happened because it has gotten me to thinking why. Why do I allow my self to continue to struggle when I could make changes that could really work out well. I'm scared, yes but don't we need to move out of our comfort zones sometimes for a chance at improvement?

So I'm all positive atm, don' know how long it will last, but I'm going to run with and look for the positives.

CMF x

[Guest_3712]

Hey CMF

Yes I know you’re my dear friend

i read your post late last night and it really gave me comfort and allowed me to sleep better.

So glad you got some things sorted with kids and ex te money - good on you . Such a great role model for your family and us here

Better believe it - you are one tough mumma

Chat later if you like

Cheers

Stressless