Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Hey Velvz,

Didn't realise you had exams. Thx for posting to SL and checking in here.

It's ok, just alot happening all at once and hormones making me feel worse than i would like to. It's all just bad timing and a few unexpected things right before xmas.

It's ok, one day at a time, i don't have to figure it all out at once.

Good luck with exams.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

I understand those feels. It all happens at once. All. The. Time. 🤨🤨

hormones need their own time out corner I think 😆

🌼🌼

[Guest_3712]

Hey my lovely friend,

I so get the whole money thing, wondering how to spread out the bills let alone all the extras like throwing in for presents etc/ OMG I don't know how you do it with 3 kids too. I'm sure you know about bill relief for power etc if you need it, hard to ask I know .

As for your sister in law, yeah pretty insensitive maybe, or was she trying to be empathetic ? I don't know her you do, but sometimes I would be so sensitive to conversations about money or upcoming events I would take offence to everything- not saying this is you of course.

Would you consider letting her put in your share for now? I know its not the point but if it helps ??

Anyway just to let you know I get how stressful it is and with Christmas around the corner, its hard to keep it together. But you will . I know you will.

I'm here for you

Take Care

Stressless

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Yeah, that phone call sounded like it came across as insensitive but I wouldn't let it get to you too much, she did offer to put in your portion, people have a hard time understanding other people's situations and I know that isn't good but at the same time you just have to let that stuff roll off you. I know it's tough but I would like to think she didn't want to come across as insensitive as it did.

Like you said, one day at a time, I know it isn't the easiest year but try and focus on the positives of Christmas if you can.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Velvz, SL & Jay,

Thank you for your posts. Yes, you are right, it did sound insensitive but it was not the intention. I was also feeling a little stressed in general, lack of sleep from the heat, so over reacted and yes, she did offer to put in my portion for now. It's not the first time my SIl has said something that has offended me but again, not intentional. She is not a nasty person and if anything has offered to help me in the past when no one else has. I do feel better about it all today. I rang my son's school about the fees and was told i don't not need to pay anything yet, they send out a standard letter for fee payments because some families simply do not pay or commit to pay however, as i have spoken with them, they will make a note and i can pay it slowly next year, just as i did this year. The business manager also said if i have any problems throughout the year to just call him. That is a weight off my shoulders. One of the ladies in the school office has been so helpful to me, she is just a beautiful soul. When we had the twilight market a few months ago i didn't recognise her properley and so did not say hello properly or chat with her. It has been playing on my mind, i felt so rude and wanted to ring or go to the school to apologize. Anyway, when i rang this morning she answered so i had the opportunity to apologize and explain how awful i had been feeling. Well it turns out she said she probably also did not recognise me properly and that there was no need for me to feel bad or rude. She said 'we can't have that in our school community :-)". At the market she had intended to come back and buy something but got distracted and didn't so she felt bad for that. We had a good chat about things in general and i thanked her so much for her help this year and just for how lovely the school is. My son said moving him there is one of the best things i have done for him. In fact i am going to email the coordinator who interviewed him and thank her also.

I'm a bit emotional today as i can be after an anxiety cycle. I'm glad i was able to clarify a few things that were bothering me and do feel a bit better. Catching up on housework too which is always good.

Hugs to all of you.

cmf x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

Ahh some positive news in your world, I do enjoy reading your posts after you get some positive news, you are in a clearer head space and things flow better for you and I think deep down you realise that things can be solved or sorted out. The school sounds very accommodating to your needs and that is the major thing. I am glad it is all working out for you on that front and a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Remember, just tackle each thing on its own, one by one, it is all you can do.

I hope the weekend is good to you.

My best,

Jay

[Guest_3712]

Hi CMF,

I can feel the lightness in your tone and the relief in your voice. Isnt it good when things work out to not be as bad as you thought ? Good on you for taking the steps to alleviate your anxiety, because that's what you did by ringing the school, and then chatting to the lady you thought you upset.

It also should show you what a strong gutsy lady you are and its ok to have a setback now and then its how you come back and in your case its always stronger.

what a moment when your son said moving him to that school one of the best things you've done for him!

Those compliments are usually pretty rare coming from kids a that age so big pat on the back and guess what? That shows you have the right instincts my friend, so trust that more often and ignore those outside influences

Have a great weekend

Might be off the air for a while- not sure about internet connections yet in new place .

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[CMF]

well, freaking out bit right now. I'm ok, just anxiety playing up a it. Received my son's and daughter's school fees - nothing to be yet but just wondering how i will do it all next year, not to mention for little miss as well. i just feel doomed. Just want to dig a hole and bury myself right now cos that's how i feel, like i am drowning. Still need to get through xmas and my son's b'day and now i have all this to worry about as well.

Deep breaths, deep breaths.

[velvetfaerie]

It never stops does it? One thing after another after another. Breathe. Walk. Drink tea.

We all think - "OMG how am I going to get through......" but we do. We get there. 🙂

**hugs**

[Guest_3712]

Food for thought

its not the load that weighs you down, but the way that you carry it

life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it

You've got this !