Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Guest_5218]

Hi CMF. You've explained the significance of the White, Black and Green feathers. But I dont recall hearing what the grey ones mean. Would you like to elaborate?

I see you've been having a crappy few days, and really sorry to hear that. Did you ever make the changes you intended to with the diet you've been on? I am wondering if that has made any difference to how you're feeling.

As for not being cut out for being a Mum! Gosh CMF, the very fact that you are concerned about being the best Mum possible, says a lot. It means you care. There is nothing more important than that. The rest is only icing on the cake - things like: being supportive, consistent, set rules and boundaries, listen to them, know their respective interests, cultivate independence in them when the time is right, and leading by example. There is no such thing as a perfect parent CMF, but you've gotta come mighty close!

Its good that you have some people coming to look through your house on Saturday. All a part of keeping your options open, giving you choices. Remember ... no pressure!

Sherie xx

[Guest_128]

Um r

Headbutt food fight ,wrestle

Cm you are just human,no that sux! You are one of us babe

serious Dory, you are an awesome mum, it is just such a big job and you are doing most of it yourself.

Dory🙅

[CMF]

Thx Sherie,

Grey feathers:

A period of tranquillity may lie aheadHave you been going through a tough time? The grey feather might have appeared to reassure you that the road ahead is much more positive. The feather won’t undo the past nor will it erase bad memories, but it could help to ease your pain and suffering.Whether you’ve lost your job or someone you care about has passed away, the grey feather could be trying to tell you that everything will be okay. It might not seem like it at the moment but you’re a strong person and you will survive this. Make yourself and those you love proud by holding your head up high and carrying on with life as best you can. Eventually you’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you’ll start to feel joy again. Things will get better and these negative thoughts won’t last forever.
Think carefully before making any big decisions
The appearance of a grey feather could indicate that the answer to a big decision isn’t as black and white as you’d hope. Take your time and think carefully before making any bold moves or drastic life changes. Have you been offered a new job? Before accepting the offer, ask yourself whether this is really the position for you. If so, congratulations! If you’re not so sure, keep looking.
If you’re looking for a new place to live, weigh up your options and do plenty of research before snapping somewhere up. Consider everything from the property’s location to its price, decor and even its house number. Take a look at our house number numerology post to find out what your future home’s number could mean for you.
Make peace with those you may have fallen out with
Have you fallen out with a friend, argued with your partner, or not spoken to a relative in years? The mysterious appearance of a grey feather may suggest it’s time to make amends and put your differences aside.
If you know deep down that you can mend a broken relationship, do everything in your power to resolve the conflict, even if you know it’s not your fault. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person and say “let’s fix this.”
Sometimes, big falls outs can be completely out of your hands. If this is the case and you know nothing you do will heal the problem, don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes all you can do is wait for the other person to see the error of their ways and hope they come to you.

[CMF]

Thx Dory. Not having a good day, been wearing the mask most of it.

[Guest_128]

Dido

[CMF]

Your life is a series of tests, and with each test you come through, you open your mind just a little bit more.

[CMF]

Ooooohhh i just want to stop caring.

[Guest_128]

Oh far out CM

Whats going on?????

I know I should know,but where are you up to with your meds,monthly things,

When do you see your Psychiatrist next.

It saddens me if your not on the write meds,you don't need to feel this low.

Sad Dory

[CMF]

saw my psych today.

i don't want to care anymore. Caring causes anxiety.

[Guest_128]

Yep

Sorry ,that just isn't happening. That's called being a mum.

Same story I say I can't look after myself but I have to my kids and anyone else I suppose love.

Same crapy story, Ya gotta look after you or your not charged up to look after them.

Do whatever you need to make yourself strong. Don't let the leeches suck your goodness out.

Dory, I understand.xo