Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Thanks Dory,

do you mean compared to my other posts lol?

or do you mean what I feel re my kids is normal?

😊

[Guest_128]

Both

snort

ink

Dory

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I understand what you are saying and the feeling useless is just that, a feeling, you most definitely not useless. Like I've said before, you are supermum doing two people's job. There is no doubt that if you could afford all the things your kids want you would do it, it just sucks that as you said clothing and what not is so expensive these days. It is good your son is working and learning the money doesn't in fact grow on trees and is spending his own hard earned money for these expensive clothes. You are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can ever ask of you. It sounds like your kids understand this as well. I also think being a little tired and snappy is just part of being a parent.

I think it is good you are seeing your psych this week to discuss your fear of little miss going to school. It just seems like a little more organisation will help, planning your days in advance and following them may give you some guidance rather than just working it out as you go. The moving of the house will come in time, so I am glad you are happy to take that slow and hopefully the job still pops it head up later on for you.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Even though it is a beautiful day I am feeling a little anxious and out of sorts. Im worried about finances, moving house etc, justvthe usual worries. Whilst cutting the grass I found a black feather which I know is protection. I then found a beautiful green one.This is what it means;

Green feathers represent prosperity and growth. If you find a green feather, you’re in luck!

I have my fingers crossed.

[CMF]

Now i feel like a useless piece of crap. Feel sorry for my kids being stuck with me.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

What's happened? I don't like when you call yourself useless or worse a piece of crap, you most definitely not one. You found the green feather, I was hoping that would have some good news for you.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

I lost my temper at little miss this afternoon. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this? I hate myself at the moment, hate this life. I am useless, no wonder I'm a single mum.

[Guest_3712]

Hey CMF,

Left you message on the Circle thread - hate seeing you so down my friend. What can I do?

Stressless

hugs

[CMF]

I need a big cry. Wh is life so hard?saw my psych today, ideas ok. She thinks I sort through things pretty well. I need another referral to keep seeing her. RE agent wMt to bring 2-3 people through next Saturday, just private thing and it's freaking me out cos I'm really anxious today. I feel sick, my mind in overload again and hating life.

[CMF]

Found a feather in the waiting area of little miss' kinder today. White and grey one.